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Whitney Kimball Whitney Kimball Jan 24, 2020. 24 comments

TikTok Teens Are Dipping Their Balls in Soy Sauce and Lighting Their Houses on Fire

TikTok Teens Are Dipping Their Balls in Soy Sauce and Lighting Their Houses on Fire

Typically, blog posts open with a broad statement establishing a thesis, which the writer then substantiates with evidence in order to make a point. In exceptional cases, there’s just information so senseless that it needs no interpretation; in others, the writer isn’t positioned to take a stance on an issue when it’s better interpreted by a member of the community it affects. Who am I, in my...

24 Comments

Whitney Kimball Whitney Kimball Jan 10, 2020. 15 comments

Apple Pay Users Are Getting Unintentionally Charged at NYC Subway Turnstiles

Apple Pay Users Are Getting Unintentionally Charged at NYC Subway Turnstiles

The MTA, New York City’s monument to dysfunction and grime and anguish, is overcharging us again, the bastards. Riders have reported seeing $2.75 charges on their Apple Pay accounts after walking past contactless OMNY fare readers, even when using the physical MetroCards. Like most of our city’s public transit woes, this is apparently happening in no other city but ours.

The MTA confirmed in a...

15 Comments

Whitney Kimball Whitney Kimball Jan 07, 2020. 9 comments

'Alexa, Pay for Gas' Is Amazon's Latest IoT Honey Trap

'Alexa, Pay for Gas' Is Amazon's Latest IoT Honey Trap

At first blush, Amazon’s new “Alexa, pay for gas” feature looks like a little teaser for the truckload of new IoT devices likely coming this week. You can already tell Alexa to order things online, and Alexa’s new power to help you auto-pay at the gas pump seems like a narrower version of ordering from your phone at Starbucks and a dumb Alexa add-on to remove the small miseries of friction...

9 Comments

Whitney Kimball Whitney Kimball Jan 04, 2020. 20 comments

There Is No Military Draft at This Time

There Is No Military Draft at This Time

The future may be uncertain, but the present is clear. Presently, there is no military draft in the United States—even if TikTok told you otherwise.

The Selective Service System, the government agency that retains mandatory registration information on U.S. men for possible conscription, tweeted today that its website was “experiencing high traffic volumes” due to “misinformation.” As of Friday...

20 Comments

Whitney Kimball Whitney Kimball Jan 04, 2020. 17 comments

Victims Win Nearly $13 Million in Lawsuit Against GirlsDoPorn

Victims Win Nearly $13 Million in Lawsuit Against GirlsDoPorn

Twenty-two women have won $12.75 million in a years-long lawsuit alleging a predatory scheme by GirlsDoPorn, a site that hosts purportedly one-time pornographic videos featuring “amateur” college-age women and teen girls. The women provided evidence that the company lured them into shoots under false pretenses, intimidated and coerced them into performing, and shared the images online without...

17 Comments

Whitney Kimball Whitney Kimball Jan 03, 2020. 14 comments

Amy Klobuchar Might Tell Us About UFOs

Amy Klobuchar Might Tell Us About UFOs

For years, one New Hampshire paper has been quietly but doggedly pressing politicians and candidates for their stances on a bipartisan issue which could conceivably be a single-issue issue if more journalists cared to pursue it: will they declassify UFO stuff? It’s a question Gizmodo

has asked before , and we’re grateful to know that the Conway Daily Sun won’t tolerate further silence on this...

14 Comments

Whitney Kimball Whitney Kimball Dec 30, 2019. 10 comments

Sharon Stone Was Blocked From Bumble, Just Like Us

Sharon Stone Was Blocked From Bumble, Just Like Us

Proles were enthralled to discover in the wee hours of this morning that Sharon Stone is on Bumble, the dating app where ~ladies~ make the first move. Around 1 AM EST, she tweeted a screenshot showing that her account had been disabled; after what must have been a furious few hours for the Bumble customer service team roused from their beds, editorial director Clare O’Connor announced that...

10 Comments

Whitney Kimball Whitney Kimball Dec 28, 2019. 5 comments

How to (Hypothetically) Hack Your School's Surveillance System

How to (Hypothetically) Hack Your School's Surveillance System

This week, hacktivist and security engineer Lance R. Vick tweeted an enticing proposition along with a gut-punch headline: “Colleges are turning students’ phones into surveillance machines, tracking the locations of hundreds of thousands,” read the Washington Post link. The report revealed nearly instantaneous and sweeping adoption of smartphone-tracking platforms implemented in roughly 60...

5 Comments

Whitney Kimball Whitney Kimball Dec 26, 2019. 16 comments

The Dumbest Wikipedia Edit War of the Dumbest Decade

The Dumbest Wikipedia Edit War of the Dumbest Decade

In 1962, John F. Kennedy predicted, wrongly, that his administration would ultimately be measured by its contribution to the human spirit. Fifty-seven years and about 3,000 Wikipedia revisions later, history has proven that the only presidential measurement that matters is height—a president’s height relative to the height of Donald J. Trump, the physical height of his body, not “height” as...

16 Comments

Whitney Kimball Whitney Kimball Dec 25, 2019. 6 comments

How to Apologize Like a Tech Ghoul: 2019 Edition

How to Apologize Like a Tech Ghoul: 2019 Edition
Year In ReviewYear In ReviewWe look back at the best, worst, and most significant moments of the year, and look forward to next year.

Even viewed from a distance on Twitter, business news has developed its own subgenre of macabre spectacle: the disgrace of the corporate goon. It’s 2019, the Theranos documentary has come and gone, but not a day passes without a new tale of executive melodrama....

6 Comments

Whitney Kimball Whitney Kimball Dec 24, 2019. 13 comments

Look Upon and Fear the Man Who Attempted to Blackmail Apple for $100,000 in iTunes Gift Cards

Look Upon and Fear the Man Who Attempted to Blackmail Apple for $100,000 in iTunes Gift Cards

A 22-year-old boss backed by a gangster cabal of “internet buddies” has been thwarted and convicted in their attempt to blackmail Apple, the UK’s National Crime Agency reports. In 2017, London-based Kerem Albayrak made Apple an offer they couldn’t refuse: deliver $100,000 in iTunes gift cards or $75,000 in cryptocurrency or kiss 319 million iCloud accounts goodbye. On Friday, a court...

13 Comments

Whitney Kimball Whitney Kimball Dec 21, 2019. 17 comments

Pro-Trump Publisher Booted Off Facebook for Doing The Bad Thing

Pro-Trump Publisher Booted Off Facebook for Doing The Bad Thing

Facebook has put an end to the brainwashing of innocent Trump supporters who have been told to support Trump by a Chinese spiritual group. And thus, it puts a bow on 2019.

Today, Facebook announced that it’s taken down hundreds of sock puppet accounts and pages–610 Facebook accounts, 156 groups, 89 pages, and 72 Instagram accounts–operated from both the US and Vietnam and operated by a...

17 Comments

Whitney Kimball Whitney Kimball Dec 20, 2019. 18 comments

Holy Shit, Reportedly

Holy Shit, Reportedly

Today, the New York Times published a galvanizing analysis of the location histories of 12 million cell phones, a stockpile provided to them by sources inside an unnamed location data company that harvests data from mobile apps. This shit is real, man, and we’ve

long known that telecoms have been selling our location data to middlemen who can sell it to bounty hunters, and they haven’t...

18 Comments

Whitney Kimball Whitney Kimball Dec 19, 2019. 7 comments

CEOwned: Jack Dorsey Just UNFOLLOWED Mark Zuckerberg

CEOwned: Jack Dorsey Just UNFOLLOWED Mark Zuckerberg

Jack Dorsey is sitting, plotting, thinking about how much he hates his enemy Mark Zuckerberg for reasons unclear to the public but apparently very clear and ever-present in Jack Dorsey’s mind. Mark Zuckerberg was doing other stuff today, possibly work, probably thinking about bigger-picture nefarious schemes like world domination, but all of his plans are now canceled because Jack Dorsey has...

7 Comments

Whitney Kimball Whitney Kimball Dec 18, 2019. 10 comments

This Is How You Paint Jeff Bezos

This Is How You Paint Jeff Bezos

The National Portrait Gallery of Washington, D.C., is currently displaying a psychological thriller of a painting: “Untitled, Jeffrey P. Bezos,” 2019. We won’t ask why the gallery would choose to display a six-by-five-and-a-half portrait of the 2019 fundraising gala honoree as it enjoys a new spate of VIP interest and oh, by the way, reported an $11 million annual budget for FY 2017. More...

10 Comments

Whitney Kimball Whitney Kimball Dec 18, 2019. 9 comments

Samsung Electronics Chairman Is Going to Jail for Union Sabotage

Samsung Electronics Chairman Is Going to Jail for Union Sabotage

Add a feather in prosecutors’ cap today in the arduous Samsung crackdown: Samsung Electronics’ chairman, Lee Sang-hoon, has been sentenced in Seoul to 18 months in prison for attempted union-busting activities in violation of labor laws.

The Wall Street Journal reports that two dozen Samsung officials have been found guilty on related counts, including charges related to collecting financial,...

9 Comments

Whitney Kimball Whitney Kimball Dec 17, 2019. 7 comments

More Than 100 Doctors Call for Australia to Rescue Julian Assange From UK Prison

More Than 100 Doctors Call for Australia to Rescue Julian Assange From UK Prison

We don’t know exactly what’s going on with Julian Assange’s health, but a growing band of doctors has called on the Australian government to negotiate his transfer out of a maximum-security British jail to a hospital in Australia.

The doctors claim that Assange, an Australian citizen, is subject to cruel and inhumane treatment, writing to top Australia’s minister of foreign affairs and other...

7 Comments

Whitney Kimball Whitney Kimball Dec 12, 2019. 20 comments

The FAA Knew

The FAA Knew

The Federal Aviation Administration was well aware of the fatal hazards with the Boeing 737 MAX before the March 2019 Ethiopian Airlines crash and allowed the planes to continue carrying passengers, a report shows. As the Wall Street Journal notes, the FAA had estimated that throughout its 30-45 year life cycle, the Boeing 737 MAX would have crashed roughly as many times as “all fatal...

20 Comments

Whitney Kimball Whitney Kimball Dec 11, 2019. 5 comments

Report: Advertising Scammer Bribed a Facebook Employee to Keep Its Posts Up

Report: Advertising Scammer Bribed a Facebook Employee to Keep Its Posts Up

Here’s one more leak in the drip drip drip of evidence that Facebook is totally out of control, even if and when it tries to get it together. Buzzfeed reports that an extremely predatory scammer that exploited Baby Boomers (also previously exposed by Buzzfeed in October) had a helper on the inside at Facebook.

An enterprising former member of Facebook’s policy team known in messages as “Ryan”...

5 Comments

Whitney Kimball Whitney Kimball Dec 11, 2019. 18 comments

Influencer Sentenced to 14 Years in Prison After Domain Hijacking at Gunpoint Goes Awry

Influencer Sentenced to 14 Years in Prison After Domain Hijacking at Gunpoint Goes Awry

We give you our modern-day Macbeth, a 27-year-old man who once sat on an empire of dumb college memes and now, after a domain name hijacking that ended in bloodshed, pays the price of 14 years in federal prison and $35,000. Was it all worth it, Mr. Adams?, we ask, as we now reflect on the nature of the United States in 2019.

The facts of the case are as follows: by 2015, Rossi Lorathio Adams...

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