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Tom Ley Tom Ley yesterday at 02:41. 9 comments

Vacation Home Beset By Legion Of Barfing And Shitting Vultures

Vacation Home Beset By Legion Of Barfing And Shitting Vultures

Behold the Palm Beach vacation home that was recently purchased for $702,000, and behold the great many winged beasts who have shat and barfed their way to becoming the home’s true lords and masters:

What we have here, via the Palm Beach Post, is a story about the eternal conflict between humankind and nature. The particulars of the story are this: The Casimano family paid a pretty...

9 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Aug 16, 2019 at 22:23. 11 comments

Rex Ryan Is Still Thinking About Those Feeties

Rex Ryan Is Still Thinking About Those Feeties

Rex Ryan loves feet—specifically his wife’s feet, and we have all known this for years and years. What’s inspiring about Ryan is not that he has an admiration for feet, but that he is extremely comfortable with the entire world having knowledge of that admiration.

With that in mind, please enjoy this moment from today’s episode of Get Up:

Every episode of Get Up should just be Rex Ryan making...

11 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Aug 16, 2019 at 02:02. 16 comments

Kyle Long Tried To Beat A Teammate With His Own Helmet And Then Barfed

Kyle Long Tried To Beat A Teammate With His Own Helmet And Then Barfed

Training camp fights are a relatively common occurrence, but few are as eventful as the scrap that took place on Wednesday between Bears offensive lineman Kyle Long and defensive lineman Jalen Dalton. Here is a description of the fight that is just packed with evocative imagery:

Long seems to be having a rough go of it lately. He also got into a fight with Akiem Hicks on Sunday, and head...

16 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Aug 15, 2019 at 20:52. 3 comments

That Sure Blew Up In Mickey Callaway's Face

That Sure Blew Up In Mickey Callaway's Face

The Mets have somehow gotten themselves into playoff contention, which is both good news and bad news for them. The good news, obviously, is that they may yet have a successful season after a very lame first half. The bad news is that now people are actually paying attention to the Mets, and that means any Mets-flavored cock-ups that occur from now until the end of the season will have a big...

3 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Aug 15, 2019 at 00:37. 7 comments

The Athletic Can't Stop Humping Useless Butter Coffee

The Athletic Can't Stop Humping Useless Butter Coffee

Here’s a question: What would happen if you combined the vapidity of ubiquitous trend pieces about athletes eating and drinking things with the cravenness of brand subservience? You’d probably end up with something like this article from The Athletic.

On one level, the point of this article is simply to pretend like the fact that Nick Foles is no longer around to brew coffee for the rest of...

7 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Aug 14, 2019 at 22:11. 12 comments

Would You Fight And Die For Titan, The New Dog-King Of Baseball?

Would You Fight And Die For Titan, The New Dog-King Of Baseball?

Look upon Titan, your new sovereign. Titan began his reign at last night’s Rockies game, leading a legion of hounds into the ballpark and laid claim to all lands within it.

Footage of Titan’s conquest can be seen below. At the 1:50 mark, you can see him deliver a rousing speech to his new subjects:

Listen to Titan’s words, and know what it feels like to have all fear banished from your heart....

12 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Aug 14, 2019 at 05:33. 7 comments

Deadspin Up All Night: Not The Crowd

Deadspin Up All Night: Not The Crowd

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Onward.

7 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Aug 13, 2019 at 22:54. 21 comments

Antonio Brown Is Now Desperately Searching Twitter For The Helmet He Wants

Antonio Brown Is Now Desperately Searching Twitter For The Helmet He Wants

Antonio Brown is due back at Raiders training camp today, following an extended absence that was caused by his accursed feet and his displeasure at no longer being able to wear the kind of helmet he prefers. Brown’s appeal to the NFL to allow him to go on wearing his old helmet failed, but that doesn’t mean he’s given up on finding a solution.

The problem, as we are all far more aware of than...

21 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Aug 13, 2019 at 21:16. 9 comments

Fernando Tatis Jr. Is The Most Powerful Of All The Baseball Sons

Fernando Tatis Jr. Is The Most Powerful Of All The Baseball Sons

This has been the year of the baseball sons. Vlad Jr. and his tremendous rump have been around since April, and some big taters have been mashed. Bo Bichette and his feathered locks joined the fray about two weeks ago, and he has been a delight. Cavan Biggio has been... around... doing stuff. However! No baseball son we’ve seen this season has been as powerful and spectacular as Fernando...

9 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Aug 13, 2019 at 01:08. 18 comments

What Does Bill Simmons Think Of The Ringer Union?

What Does Bill Simmons Think Of The Ringer Union?
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The editorial staff of The Ringer announced this morning that they have formed a union with the WGA East. In their letter of intent, Ringer staffers said they want to negotiate with management for improvements in areas such as compensation, benefits, severance, diversity, and the establishment of a 401k program. Now...

18 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Aug 12, 2019 at 20:43. 22 comments

Simone Biles Has Once Again Broken Gymnastics

Simone Biles Has Once Again Broken Gymnastics
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American gymnast Simone Biles won the all-around title at the U.S. Gymnastics Championship on Sunday, making this the sixth time she’s taken home that title in the last seven years. She also unleashed two moves that no gymnast has ever done in competition before.

How Simone Biles Broke Gymnastics

The following is...

22 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Aug 10, 2019 at 03:39. 8 comments

Report: Antonio Brown Is Threatening To Quit Football Over League Helmet Requirements

Report: Antonio Brown Is Threatening To Quit Football Over League Helmet Requirements

Antonio Brown’s tenure as a member of the Oakland Raiders could not be getting off to a weirder start. First came the pictures of his mangled feet , then the reports that said mangling occurred when he stepped into a cryotherapy chamber barefoot and got frostbite . Now, things have taken an even stranger turn. According to multiple reports, the real reason Brown has been missing from training...

8 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Aug 09, 2019. 3 comments

Kenny Stills Isn't Buying Stephen Ross's Bullshit

Kenny Stills Isn't Buying Stephen Ross's Bullshit

After getting called out by his own player, Kenny Stills , for hosting a fundraiser for wet racist Donald Trump, Dolphins owner Stephen Ross attempted to perform some damage control with a limp-dick statement about being buddies with Trump despite disagreeing with him about certain issues:

The statement, which essentially says, “Look, I don’t agree with all the racism, however, Donald Trump...

3 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Aug 08, 2019. 1 comments

Simone Biles Tears Up While Expressing Anger At USA Gymnastics

Simone Biles Tears Up While Expressing Anger At USA Gymnastics

Simone Biles is getting ready to compete in the U.S Gymnastics Championships in Kansas City, Mo. this weekend, and Wednesday night she met with reporters after her training session. When she was asked about how she feels to be competing under the USA Gymnastics banner after the organization failed to protect Biles and its other athletes from Larry Nassar, she had this to say:

“It’s hard...

1 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Aug 07, 2019. 9 comments

Dolphins Receiver Kenny Stills Calls Out Team Owner For Hosting Trump Fundraiser

Dolphins Receiver Kenny Stills Calls Out Team Owner For Hosting Trump Fundraiser

Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross is an old rich white guy, which means he is also a fan of Donald Trump, or at least he is the kind of person who appreciates Trump’s policies enough to throw the man a fancy fundraiser in the Hamptons. One person who does not appreciate Donald Trump, nor his boss cozying up to him in public, is Dolphins wide receiver Kenny Stills.

Stills made his displeasure...

9 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Aug 07, 2019. 13 comments

Report: Some Guy Broke A Teen's Head For Not Properly Respecting The National Anthem

Report: Some Guy Broke A Teen's Head For Not Properly Respecting The National Anthem

From the moment “respecting the flag” became a piece of gristle floating in the soupy brains of people who watch a lot of Fox News and burn their Nikes, we began heading towards this moment. At long last, someone has allegedly assaulted a teenager over perceived disrespect for the flag and national anthem.

The story comes to us from the Mineral County Fairgrounds in Superior, Montana.

13 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Aug 06, 2019. 1 comments

Texans Rookie Lonnie Johnson Jr. Got Kicked Out Of Practice For Tackling Like A Psycho

Texans Rookie Lonnie Johnson Jr. Got Kicked Out Of Practice For Tackling Like A Psycho

The Texans and Packers held a joint practice yesterday, and as is often the case when two teams that are already grumpy from practicing every day in high temperatures get together, a fight broke out. This was different from your standard training-camp fight, though, because it was instigated by one player who was so committed to playing like a dickhead that his own coach had to kick him off...

1 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Aug 06, 2019. 10 comments

Antonio Brown's Feet Are A Nightmare

Antonio Brown's Feet Are A Nightmare

Raiders wide receiver Antonio Brown visited a foot specialist over the weekend to address an injury that has kept him from participating in most of training camp. Thanks to Brown’s Instagram page, we have a pretty good idea of the specific nature of that injury.

Be warned that the following photo is pretty gross. I don’t even think Rex Ryan would enjoy looking at it:

It seems to me that Brown...

10 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Aug 05, 2019. 8 comments

Ronald Acuña Jr. Submits The Bat Flip Of The Year

Ronald Acuña Jr. Submits The Bat Flip Of The Year

Braves phenom Ronald Acuña Jr. had an exciting weekend against the Reds. On Friday, he hit a 463-foot homer. On Saturday, he earned the first walk-off hit of his career, smacking a ball down the left-field line to drive in the winning run in the bottom of the 10th inning. Then on Sunday, with his team down 3-1 in the bottom of the ninth and with a man on first, Acuña Jr. did this:

You can’t...

8 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Aug 02, 2019. 10 comments

Vic Fangio Coached While Passing A Kidney Stone

Vic Fangio Coached While Passing A Kidney Stone

Vic Fangio has been coaching football at the college and pro level for 40 years, and through all that time he’s never held a head coaching position, until this season. Fangio was hired to be the head coach of the Denver Broncos during the offseason, and last night’s preseason game against the Falcons was his first shot at patrolling the sideline of an NFL game as The Big Guy In Charge....

10 Comments

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