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Rafi Schwartz Rafi Schwartz Oct 09, 2019. 24 comments

White House Declares War On the Democrats' Impeachment Effort

White House Declares War On the Democrats' Impeachment Effort

The White House on Tuesday afternoon released an eight-page letter outlining why it would not be cooperating in the Democrats’ ongoing impeachment inquiry into President Donald Trump.

In the letter, which was addressed to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, along with Reps. Adam Schiff, Elijah Cummings, and Elliot Engel, White House Counsel Pat Cipollone argues the inquiry “violates fundamental...

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Rafi Schwartz Rafi Schwartz Oct 09, 2019. 19 comments

Trump's Ukraine Call Reportedly Terrified Top Official

Trump's Ukraine Call Reportedly Terrified Top Official

President Donald Trump has repeatedly insisted his now-infamous call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky was “perfect” and not—as is plain to see to anyone who is not a MAGA chud —an open invitation to meddle in the upcoming presidential election. But according to a new report from ABC News, not everyone in the White House was quite so confident.

In a two-page memo written by the...

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Rafi Schwartz Rafi Schwartz Oct 08, 2019. 20 comments

The Impeachment Plot Thickens Yet Again

The Impeachment Plot Thickens Yet Again

The congressional impeachment inquiry into President Donald Trump’s Ukraine scandal took another twist on Tuesday, with the chair of the House Intelligence Committee accusing the State Department of withholding potentially incriminating text messages and emails belonging to EU Ambassador Gordon Sondland.

Speaking to reporters shortly after the State Department—acting on the orders of...

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Rafi Schwartz Rafi Schwartz Oct 08, 2019. 18 comments

Trump Is Making a Huge Mess and No One's Happy

Trump Is Making a Huge Mess and No One's Happy

Less than 24 hours after threatening to “totally destroy and obliterate” the economy of Turkey if they dare challenge his “great and unmatched wisdom” following his decision to allow them to invade Northern Syria , President Donald Trump praised the country on Tuesday as “good to deal with” and an “important member in good standing of NATO.”

Trump’s about-face comes as more details begin to...

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Rafi Schwartz Rafi Schwartz Oct 07, 2019. 21 comments

Trump Brain Status: Turkey, Roasted

Trump Brain Status: Turkey, Roasted
Trump Brain StatusDispatches from the cursed interior of Donald Trump’s overripe melon.  

As more and more Republicans find the vestigial remains of what could at one time have passed for a spine to speak out against the White House’s surprise decision to allow Turkey to invade Northern Syria , President Donald Trump sure seems to be handling the mounting criticism well.

Just kidding! He’s...

21 Comments

Rafi Schwartz Rafi Schwartz Oct 07, 2019. 11 comments

Trump Worried How Impeachment Would Look on His 'Resume'

Trump Worried How Impeachment Would Look on His 'Resume'

Publicly, President Donald Trump has blasted his ongoing Ukraine scandal , and the impeachment inquiry it spawned, as a “hoax” and “presidential harassment,” repeatedly insisting he has nothing to apologize for or worry about . But privately, the president seems decidedly less confident—not about the fact that be could potentially be removed from office, and perhaps even be charged with...

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Rafi Schwartz Rafi Schwartz Oct 04, 2019. 24 comments

World's Biggest Dipshits Hilariously Mangle Hit Job on Elizabeth Warren

World's Biggest Dipshits Hilariously Mangle Hit Job on Elizabeth Warren

With a gun to my head, I swear to god I’d be hard pressed to think of two bigger morons than right-wing smear merchants Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman—men who would, if there was any justice in this cold, uncaring universe, spend the rest of their days stepping on rakes and peeing themselves in public.

On Thursday, Wohl and Berkman unloaded their clown car on the steps of an unassuming...

24 Comments

Rafi Schwartz Rafi Schwartz Oct 03, 2019. 24 comments

He Just Can't Help Himself, Can He?

He Just Can't Help Himself, Can He?

Speaking with reporters outside the White House before heading to Florida on Thursday, President Donald Trump made it extremely clear that, yes, he engaged in an impeachable offense and hey, let’s widen this incredibly stupid scandal even further, shall we?

Asked once again what exactly he hoped Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky would do regarding former Vice President Joe Biden and his...

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Rafi Schwartz Rafi Schwartz Oct 03, 2019. 24 comments

Rudy's Consulting With a Convicted Criminal About His Ukraine Woes Now

Rudy's Consulting With a Convicted Criminal About His Ukraine Woes Now

Just because former Trump campaign chair Paul Manafort is a convicted felon serving years behind bars for committing a host of crimes does not mean he’s missing out on all the excitement happening in Washington D.C. these days. According to a new report in the Washington Post, he’s been directly involved in at least one aspect of the questionable goings-on that have led to the Democrats’...

24 Comments

Rafi Schwartz Rafi Schwartz Oct 03, 2019. 21 comments

Trump Brain Status: Lingonberry Jam

Trump Brain Status: Lingonberry Jam
Trump Brain StatusDispatches from the cursed interior of Donald Trump’s overripe melon.  

Appearing alongside Finnish President Sauli Niinistö on Wednesday, President Donald Trump remained extremely on this morning’s “bullshit ,” raging at the press and inventing new conspiracy theories about his political opponents as his impeachment-induced nervous breakdown continued unabated.

The press...

21 Comments

Rafi Schwartz Rafi Schwartz Oct 02, 2019. 24 comments

Trump Extremely on His 'BULLSHIT' Today

Trump Extremely on His 'BULLSHIT' Today

Please, dear reader, I ask—no beg of—you to explain the logic behind when President Donald Trump chooses to swear . Because honestly, I do not get it.

Here is a tweet Trump sent out shortly after House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Intelligence Committee Chair Rep. Adam Schiff finished a press conference to update the public on the state of their ongoing impeachment inquiry:

Uh oh, he said the...

24 Comments

Rafi Schwartz Rafi Schwartz Oct 02, 2019. 21 comments

Pompeo Stops Playing Dumb and Admits He Was on the Ukraine Call After All

Pompeo Stops Playing Dumb and Admits He Was on the Ukraine Call After All

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo casually admitted on Wednesday that he was listening in on President Donald Trump’s now-infamous phone call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky just days after suggesting to ABC News that he knew nothing about the conversation.

“I was on the phone call,” Pompeo told reporters during a press conference with the Italian Foreign Minister in Rome .

Compare...

21 Comments

Rafi Schwartz Rafi Schwartz Oct 02, 2019. 11 comments

President Donald Trump’s campaign announced today that they raised a whopping $125 million this past

President Donald Trump’s campaign announced today that they raised a whopping $125 million this past

President Donald Trump’s campaign announced today that they raised a whopping $125 million this past quarter. To put that in perspective: with that kind of money, Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin could get married (again) 250 times over.

11 Comments

Rafi Schwartz Rafi Schwartz Oct 02, 2019. 23 comments

Trump’s Spent Years Being a Total Dick to Rudy

Trump’s Spent Years Being a Total Dick to Rudy

Former New York City Mayor and frothy-mouthed cable news fuck-up Rudy Giuliani is arguably President Donald Trump’s most vigorous public defender, spending what seems like his every waking moment spewing unhinged conspiracy theories about the deep state and George Soros and defending the president from the threat of impeachment.

Given all that, you’d think Trump would appreciate having a...

23 Comments

Rafi Schwartz Rafi Schwartz Oct 01, 2019. 21 comments

Mark Zuckerberg Says a Warren Presidency Would Totally 'Suck' for Facebook Which, Good

Mark Zuckerberg Says a Warren Presidency Would Totally 'Suck' for Facebook Which, Good

Speaking with employees in a staff meeting in July, Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg held forth on a number of issues facing him and the social media giant he’s steered to global dominance over the past decade and a half. Among those issues, according to audio of the meetings obtained by the Verge, is the possibility of an Elizabeth Warren presidency and what it would mean for a...

21 Comments

Rafi Schwartz Rafi Schwartz Oct 01, 2019. 22 comments

Democrats Suggest Trump May Have Lied Under Oath to Mueller

Democrats Suggest Trump May Have Lied Under Oath to Mueller

It seems like a lifetime ago that Robert Mueller filed his report on Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election. Since then, Democrats have largely shifted their attention to Ukraine, and President Donald Trump’s efforts to persuade President Volodymyr Zelensky to interfere in the next presidential election . But because what is dead may never die, the Mueller report came back...

22 Comments

Rafi Schwartz Rafi Schwartz Sep 28, 2019. 15 comments

The House Pulls Mike Pompeo Into Its Ukraine Probe

The House Pulls Mike Pompeo Into Its Ukraine Probe

Just days after announcing the start of a formal impeachment inquiry into President Donald Trump’s pressuring of Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky to interfere in the 2020 elections by investigating former Vice President Joe Biden, congressional Democrats are already hitting the ground running.

On Friday the House Intelligence, Foreign Affairs and Oversight Committees announced they had...

15 Comments

Rafi Schwartz Rafi Schwartz Sep 28, 2019. 20 comments

Tough Guy Geraldo Is Just Itching to Fight the Ukraine Whistleblower

Tough Guy Geraldo Is Just Itching to Fight the Ukraine Whistleblower

Frequent Fox News guest Geraldo Rivera seems like a pretty tough guy. I know this because he keeps posting pictures of himself looking admirably ripped for a 70-something year old. But do you suppose Geraldo is tough enough to fight a CIA officer? He sure does!

During Friday morning’s taping of Fox & Friends, Rivera waxed philosophical on the looming impeachment battle over a now-public...

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Rafi Schwartz Rafi Schwartz Sep 28, 2019. 15 comments

15 Comments

Rafi Schwartz Rafi Schwartz Sep 27, 2019. 23 comments

23 Comments

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