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Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 25, 2019. 12 comments

Victorious LAFC Coach Bob Bradley Storms Off In Response To Softball Question

Victorious LAFC Coach Bob Bradley Storms Off In Response To Softball Question

LAFC beat Zlatan Ibrahimović and LA Galaxy 5–3 in Thursday night’s El Tráfico, beating their rivals for the first time ever, bouncing them from the MLS playoffs , and advancing to the club’s first Western Conference final. LAFC star Carlos Vela figured prominently, scoring a pair of first-half goals and setting up a second-half tiebreaker from Diego Rossi. Toppling Ibrahimović and...

12 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 25, 2019. 19 comments

XFL Draftee Dumps The League Over Insultingly Low Pay

XFL Draftee Dumps The League Over Insultingly Low Pay

The XFL player draft, held October 15 , had a whopping 71 rounds, during which eight teams filled out their rosters with a combined 568 guys. But a maximum of 567 of those guys will proceed to whatever the next stage of this project winds up being, after former University of Tennessee standout and recent Arizona Cardinals training camp castoff Corey Vereen dumped his new team upon learning...

19 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 25, 2019. 4 comments

Deandre Ayton Suspended For 25 Games, How Are The Suns Always Like This

Deandre Ayton Suspended For 25 Games, How Are The Suns Always Like This

The godforsaken Suns got their season off to a rare positive start Wednesday, erasing an 11-point first-half deficit and wiping out the visiting Kings, 124–95. Exciting second-year center Deandre Ayton was a huge factor, piling up 18 points, 11 rebounds, and four blocks, and finishing a game-high plus-25 in 33 minutes. Excitement! Optimism! Hope! For the first time in a jillion years , real...

4 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 25, 2019. 10 comments

Astros GM Jeff Luhnow Keeps Digging And Digging

Astros GM Jeff Luhnow Keeps Digging And Digging

Astros general manager Jeff Luhnow came before assembled members of the press Thursday evening in D.C., to face the music for now-fired assistant GM Brandon Taubman’s locker room taunts directed at three women reporters after his team’s ALCS-clinching victory, and for the Astros publicly and falsely accusing Sports Illustrated reporter Stephanie Apstein of journalistic malpractice. Luhnow,...

10 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 24, 2019. 20 comments

After Game 2 Pounding, The Astros Are Up To Their Necks In Doo Doo

After Game 2 Pounding, The Astros Are Up To Their Necks In Doo Doo

The Astros are in big trouble. They lost Game 1 Tuesday night when the Nationals touched up the best pitcher in baseball for five runs, and came into Game 2 needing to scratch out some offense against a rolling Stephen Strasburg in order to salvage a split at home. They got off to a good start on that front Wednesday night, but watched their own pitching implode and lost a laugher, 12–3,...

20 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 24, 2019. 16 comments

Hoo Boy, Kyrie Irving Put On A Show In His Nets Debut

Hoo Boy, Kyrie Irving Put On A Show In His Nets Debut

It’s going to be a season of transition in Brooklyn, while the Nets wait for Kevin Durant’s shredded Achilles tendon to heal and for all their big free-agency wheeling and dealing to finally come together. For now, Nets fans will still enjoy the nightly thrill of watching one of the sport’s most entertaining pure scorers eat up just as much of their team’s offense as he wants. Wednesday...

16 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 24, 2019. 2 comments

New Mexico Quarterback Suspended Indefinitely After Indecent Exposure Charge

New Mexico Quarterback Suspended Indefinitely After Indecent Exposure Charge

New Mexico Lobos senior quarterback Sheriron Jones was indefinitely suspended by the team this week, a decision that was announced by head coach Bob Davie at a weekly media luncheon on Tuesday. Davie initially declined to provide an explanation, but KRQE in Albuquerque reported Wednesday that before he was suspended, Jones was accused of pulling his junk out on a stranger last week.

The...

2 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 24, 2019. 24 comments

MLB Umpire Rob Drake Is Prepared To Shoot People In Defense Of Donald Trump [Update]

MLB Umpire Rob Drake Is Prepared To Shoot People In Defense Of Donald Trump [Update]

Major League umpire and apparent MAGA fiend Rob Drake posted and deleted a tweet late Tuesday indicating that he would be purchasing an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle on Wednesday in order to wage “CIVAL WAR” should Congress impeach peabrain president Donald Trump. Going to go out on a limb here and assume that “CIVAL” means “civil,” and that Rob Drake is fantasizing about shooting the libs.

The...

24 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 23, 2019. 19 comments

Nationals Make Gerrit Cole Look Maybe Not Quite Human, But At Least Humanoid

Nationals Make Gerrit Cole Look Maybe Not Quite Human, But At Least Humanoid

The combustible Nationals bullpen tried very hard to give this away, but in the end the five runs their hitters put up on terrifying buzzsaw Gerrit Cole held up, and the Nationals escaped Game 1 with a 5–4 victory to snatch away home-field advantage in the World Series.

Cole looked very much like his normal, dominant self in the first inning. Trea Turner got on when his grounder to short...

19 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 23, 2019. 14 comments

Overeager Victor Robles Eats Shit On Badly Mistimed Diving Catch Attempt

Overeager Victor Robles Eats Shit On Badly Mistimed Diving Catch Attempt

The Astros are tough as hell. They jumped out to a 2–0 lead in the bottom of the first against Nationals Game 1 starter Max Scherzer, and have made Scherzer work out of trouble in every inning so far. In the bottom of the third, with the Astros up a run, Yuli Gurriel flared a blooper to shallow left-center, where young Nationals outfielders Juan Soto and Victor Robles converged in a hurry.

14 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 23, 2019. 5 comments

Umpire Joe West Sues Retired Catcher Paul Lo Duca Over Bribery Allegations

Umpire Joe West Sues Retired Catcher Paul Lo Duca Over Bribery Allegations

Umpire Joe West has had his share—some would say more than his share—of failures. You would be well within your rights to describe him as unreliable , ornery , confrontational , or an occasional obnoxious textualist . He’s been all of those things! But one thing West will not hesitate to sue your ass over is any suggestion that he’s ever been on the take, a lesson currently being learned by...

5 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 23, 2019.

Clandestine College Locker Room Videos Taken Of Visiting Women Athletes, Uploaded To World's Largest Porn Site

Clandestine College Locker Room Videos Taken Of Visiting Women Athletes, Uploaded To World's Largest Porn Site

A secret video camera in a men’s soccer locker room at Division II Limestone College recorded clandestine video of the members of at least five visiting women’s sports teams over the course of about a year, according to police in Gaffney, South Carolina. The videos were discovered after they were recently uploaded to Pornhub, the world’s largest porn site, and found there earlier this...

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 22, 2019. 22 comments

Bill Belichick Delights In Tormenting The Hapless Jets

Bill Belichick Delights In Tormenting The Hapless Jets

Viewers who hadn’t already slipped into a coma Monday night will have noticed a funny sequence early in the fourth quarter of the Patriots’ blowout victory over a spectacularly inept Jets team . A pair of declined penalties against New England’s punt team produced the ultra-rare scene of Bill Belichick, whose default expression is a sour scowl, smiling and chuckling on the sideline of an NFL...

22 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 22, 2019. 16 comments

Odell Beckham Jr. Is Pissed About A Big Fine For A Dumb Uniform Violation

Odell Beckham Jr. Is Pissed About A Big Fine For A Dumb Uniform Violation

Browns receiver Odell Beckham Jr. showed off his gams during Cleveland’s Week 6 loss to the Seattle Seahawks back in Week 6, wearing his uniform pants a couple inches above the knee. Why should you give a rip whether a football man wears his pants above or below the knee, you ask, like a real grump? Because failing to wear your pants below the knee in the NFL is a uniform violation, and in...

16 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 22, 2019. 11 comments

"Spooky" Sam Darnold Sees Dead People In Ghastly Loss To Dreaded Patriots

"Spooky" Sam Darnold Sees Dead People In Ghastly Loss To Dreaded Patriots

Sam Darnold’s first game back after a bout with smooching disease went great! The returning hero threw for 300-plus yards, and his Jets upset the Cowboys, and poor, discarded Luke Falk was swiftly forgotten. Darnold was even named AFC Offensive Player of the Week! Darnold’s second game, Monday night against the New England Patriots, did not build on that momentum. It was, in fact, a flaming...

11 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 11, 2019. 23 comments

It's Neat To Think Of The Patriots Someday Playing Against A Real NFL Offense

It's Neat To Think Of The Patriots Someday Playing Against A Real NFL Offense

The Patriots beat the Giants Thursday night, 35–14, to move to 6–0 on the season. This was the second consecutive week where the Patriots looked vulnerable in the first half against a plucky but overmatched underdog, before a cascading series of second-half failures tilted things dramatically for the favorites. I don’t know about you guys, but I for one am looking forward to a day when the...

23 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 11, 2019. 15 comments

Gerrit Cole Made Mincemeat Out Of The Rays

Gerrit Cole Made Mincemeat Out Of The Rays

Game 5 of the American League* Divisional Series between the Astros and Rays functionally ended in the first inning. Not because the Astros put 10 runs on the board, a la the Cardinals , but because they put more than a single run on the board, in a game in which they had the insane and unfair Gerrit Cole on the mound. Rays hitters are going to be waking up from Gerrit Cole night terrors...

15 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 10, 2019. 22 comments

Braves Fans Perform First-Inning Tomahawk Chop, Watch Their Team Immediately Melt Down Like Chernobyl

Braves Fans Perform First-Inning Tomahawk Chop, Watch Their Team Immediately Melt Down Like Chernobyl

The Atlanta Braves selectively and cynically scrubbed the “tomahawk chop” celebration ahead of Wednesday’s Game 5 against the St. Louis Cardinals. This did not go far enough, as was evidenced by defiant Braves fans loudly performing the chop almost immediately after the start of the game. Moments later—and I do mean just moments later—the Cardinals went ahead and silenced all cheers and...

22 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 08, 2019. 5 comments

Yankees Complete Sweep Of Twins, Barf Barf Barf

Yankees Complete Sweep Of Twins, Barf Barf Barf

The Yankees completed a three-game sweep of the Twins Monday night, with a 5–1 win in Minnesota to end their American League divisional series. These games were not close. The Yankees scored 23 runs in the series, to the Twins’ seven. Every other divisional series is still active, with both National League series going the distance. Truly we live in the hell dimension.

The Yankees got another...

5 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 08, 2019. 11 comments

Grunting Max Scherzer Gave The Nationals Everything He Had, And Just What They Needed

Grunting Max Scherzer Gave The Nationals Everything He Had, And Just What They Needed

Davey Martinez and the Washington Nationals didn’t resort to another bullpen appearance from a starting pitcher Monday night, thank God. That’s a gimmick that was bound to fail the more it’s used, either spectacularly and all at once, or cumulatively, or both. It already blew up in their faces Sunday night; Monday, a quivering-with-adrenaline Max Scherzer made it unnecessary with a masterful...

11 Comments