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Chris Thompson Chris Thompson yesterday at 10:23.

Idiot Squirrel On The Field Successfully Invades Consecutive Twins Games

Idiot Squirrel On The Field Successfully Invades Consecutive Twins Games

For the second night in a row, a daring squirrel has invaded the field at the Twins’ stadium. Monday night the furry fellow invaded the home dugout and sent several players fleeing in terror. Tuesday night our intrepid rodent pal bolted down the first baseline, nutmegged a baserunner, briefly leapt into the crowd, and finally vanished under the rolled tarp. God bless this mischievous beast.

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson yesterday at 09:58.

Brian Flores Loads Practice Playlist With Jay-Z Tracks One Day After Kenny Stills Criticizes NFL's Roc Nation Partnership

Brian Flores Loads Practice Playlist With Jay-Z Tracks One Day After Kenny Stills Criticizes NFL's Roc Nation Partnership

Dolphins head coach Brian Flores and wide receiver Kenny Stills have not been on the same page when it comes to Stills speaking out about systemic racism. A couple weeks back, Flores delivered a weak-sauce admonishment when Stills criticized owner Stephen Ross’s hefty support of Donald Trump’s reelection campaign. Now, after Stills criticized the presentation of the NFL’s sleazy new media...

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson yesterday at 08:51.

The Lakers Already Have A Center

The Lakers Already Have A Center

Hey, remember back in mid-July, when the Lakers traded the moon and stars for one of the most talented young players in the NBA? Remember that? Remember when the team and the player did their big introductory press conference? Remember during that press conference, when that player—who is listed by the NBA as standing 6-foot-10, and who has a 7-foot-6 wingspan, and whose tremendous defensive...

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson yesterday at 07:05. 4 comments

Jerry Jones Asserts His Right To Be A Dickweed About Ezekiel Elliott

Jerry Jones Asserts His Right To Be A Dickweed About Ezekiel Elliott

Jerry and Stephen Jones held a press conference Tuesday with Cowboys linebacker Jaylon Smith, who just signed a hefty five-year extension with the team. Smith’s successful negotiations stand in stark contrast to those of wide receiver Amari Cooper, quarterback Dak Prescott, and running back Ezekiel Elliott, all of whom want new deals of their own to remain with the Cowboys. Elliott, at the...

4 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 20, 2019 at 09:05. 5 comments

Antonio Brown's Helmet Saga Continues With A New Grievance Against The NFL

Antonio Brown's Helmet Saga Continues With A New Grievance Against The NFL

Antonio Brown was a no-show at Raiders practice Sunday, after recent developments offered tentative hope that his helmet saga was nearing a satisfying conclusion. Raiders general manager Mike Mayock expressed the team’s frustrations and eagerness to move on in a statement Sunday afternoon , but unless or until the team is willing to use the nuclear option, the world is stuck waiting for this...

5 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 20, 2019 at 07:49.

After Retrial, T.J. Simers Wins $15.45 Million Judgment Against The Los Angeles Times

After Retrial, T.J. Simers Wins $15.45 Million Judgment Against The Los Angeles Times

Both sides eventually appealed a 2015 verdict that granted former Los Angeles Times hack sports columnist T.J. Simers $7.1 million in an age and disability discrimination suit against the paper. The Times appealed because holy shit, $7.1 million! Simers appealed because the amount was less than the $12 million he’d sought in the suit. The award was eventually thrown out by a California...

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 20, 2019 at 07:03. 7 comments

Report: Oh God Yes, There Is "Mutual Interest" Between Dwight Howard And The Lakers

Report: Oh God Yes, There Is "Mutual Interest" Between Dwight Howard And The Lakers

The Lakers are casting about for replacements for DeMarcus Cousins after the big man shredded his ACL in a pickup game in Las Vegas last week. The pickings are slim. Joakim Noah is available! Only slightly better than that experiment in re-animation is this: the Lakers have requested permission from the Memphis Grizzlies to speak with the one and only Dwight Howard.

To the surprise of...

7 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 16, 2019 at 10:44. 18 comments

Bryce Harper's Walk-Off Grand Slam Was Pure Catharsis

Bryce Harper's Walk-Off Grand Slam Was Pure Catharsis
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The Philadelphia Phillies were down to the Chicago Cubs entering the bottom of the ninth inning Thursday night. The Cubs have had a dicey bullpen all season long, so this was by no means a sure thing, but that doesn’t make what happened any less nad-rocking, for all but the most committed Bryce Harper...

18 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 16, 2019 at 09:45. 17 comments

Jon Gruden Turns Worrying Shade Of Red Over Preseason Delay-Of-Game Penalty

Jon Gruden Turns Worrying Shade Of Red Over Preseason Delay-Of-Game Penalty

Mike Glennon threw a 53-yard touchdown pass to [checks notes] Rico Gafford in the first quarter of Thursday night’s Raiders-Cardinals preseason game on ESPN. Immediately afterward, with the poor, addled fans in attendance still buzzing over the hookup, Oakland’s field goal unit took a delay of game penalty while lined up for the extra point. Raiders head coach Jon Gruden, whose sideline...

17 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 15, 2019 at 12:04. 10 comments

Nick Kyrgios Uses Bathroom Break To Demolish Two Rackets, Then Spits At Umpire In Latest Meltdown

Nick Kyrgios Uses Bathroom Break To Demolish Two Rackets, Then Spits At Umpire In Latest Meltdown
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Nick Kyrgios melted down spectacularly Wednesday night at the Cincinnati Masters, in a second-round loss to eighth seed Karen Khachanov, 6–7, 7–6, 6–2. Kyrgios completed a stirring comeback in the first set but started coming unglued in the second set, after chair umpire Fergus Murphy hit him with a time violation...

10 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 15, 2019 at 10:02. 20 comments

Former MMA Guy Gives Alarmingly Cagey Interview About Working For Jeffrey Epstein

Former MMA Guy Gives Alarmingly Cagey Interview About Working For Jeffrey Epstein

Igor Zinoviev’s mixed martial arts career ended unceremoniously in 1998 when he was wiped out in 22 seconds by Frank Shamrock at UFC 16. That brief seven-match career in sanctioned MMA ultimately will not go down as Zinoviev’s claim to fame—the Russian strongman spent years in the employ of recently deceased world-class dirtbag Jeffrey Epstein, serving as driver, bodyguard, and personal...

20 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 15, 2019 at 08:59. 19 comments

The Skins Have The Amazing Ability To Complicate And Worsen Any Injury To Their Players

The Skins Have The Amazing Ability To Complicate And Worsen Any Injury To Their Players

Colt McCoy was the presumptive favorite to earn the not-especially-coveted starting quarterback job in Washington during training camp. That race appears to be up in the air today, after head coach Jay Gruden announced Wednesday that McCoy will miss Thursday night’s exhibition against the Bengals, which would’ve been McCoy’s first appearance of the preseason. Less troubling than that he will...

19 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 15, 2019 at 06:57. 5 comments

Mediation Talks Between The USWNT And U.S. Soccer Were A Big Ol' Dud

Mediation Talks Between The USWNT And U.S. Soccer Were A Big Ol' Dud

The long-anticipated mediation talks between U.S. Soccer and the USWNT have already ended, as of Wednesday afternoon. You are likely just learning about this week’s meetings for two reasons; first, because the participants agreed to maintain “the strictest secrecy” about their details, including time and location; and more importantly, because the talks broke down too quickly for anyone on...

5 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 14, 2019 at 10:32. 13 comments

Ohio State University has reportedly filed a trademark application on the word “THE” in order to sel

Ohio State University has reportedly filed a trademark application on the word “THE” in order to sel

Ohio State University has reportedly filed a trademark application on the word “THE” in order to sell “t-shirts, baseball caps and hats.” Here’s a pretty funny summary of their chances, from a trademark attorney who discovered the application.

13 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 14, 2019 at 10:17. 9 comments

Tigers Outfielder Generously Guides Kyle Seager's Third Dinger Over The Outfield Wall

Tigers Outfielder Generously Guides Kyle Seager's Third Dinger Over The Outfield Wall

It says something about the state of baseball that the least interesting thing about this play, from the top of the ninth inning of an 11–6 Mariners win over the Tigers, is that it was Kyle Seager’s third dinger of the night. Multi-homer games are so common now that they’re becoming passé—for crying out loud, Gleyber Torres schedules one on his personal calendar whenever his Yankees face the...

9 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 14, 2019 at 09:43. 13 comments

Jerry Jones, On Unresolved Player Contracts: I Have Seen The Hot, Spurting Blood

Jerry Jones, On Unresolved Player Contracts: I Have Seen The Hot, Spurting Blood

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones talked to Jon Machota of The Athletic Tuesday at Cowboys training camp, where the conversation naturally made its way around to the uncertain contract statuses of quarterback Dak Prescott, wide receiver Amari Cooper, and holdout running back Ezekiel Elliott. Suffice to say, Jones isn’t real worried, for reasons that will be deeply unpleasant for anyone with even a...

13 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 14, 2019 at 08:41. 1 comments

Safety Net Saves Fan But Not Beer

Safety Net Saves Fan But Not Beer
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In the top of the second inning of Tuesday night’s Reds-Nationals game, Reds rookie sensation Aristides Aquino took a mighty cut at a high Joe Ross fastball and scalded it straight back into the backstop net. The net caught the ball, of course, which was good news for a Nationals fan seated in the third row behind...

1 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 14, 2019 at 08:03. 5 comments

Andrew Luck's "Small Little Bone" Injury Is Apparently On The Move

Andrew Luck's "Small Little Bone" Injury Is Apparently On The Move

The saga of Andrew Luck’s strained calf has reached the point where it’s time to worry whether anyone knows just what the hell is going on. Colts owner Jim Irsay identified a “small little bone ” in Luck’s left leg as the source of the quarterback’s ongoing pain and discomfort, which leads to all sorts of questions about just what the hell kinds of surplus bones Luck might have floating...

5 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 13, 2019. 4 comments

Rishard Matthews Retires From NFL, Is Happy To Leave Behind "Brainwashing And Dividing Of Culture"

Rishard Matthews Retires From NFL, Is Happy To Leave Behind "Brainwashing And Dividing Of Culture"

Wide receiver Rishard Matthews was released by the New Orleans Saints on Saturday. Head coach Sean Payton, speaking cryptically of the breakup, said of Matthews, “it’s not for everyone,” which together with a “left squad designation” accompanying his release indicated that Matthews voluntarily bailed on a reasonable chance at landing a regular season gig with the Saints.

Matthews took matters...

4 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 13, 2019. 8 comments

“Please don’t take me from the society right now

“Please don’t take me from the society right now

“Please don’t take me from the society right now. I’m 34. I can go play in China for another six years, take care of my family.” Sebastian Telfair was sentenced to more than three years in prison Monday following a conviction for criminal possession of a weapon, in what sounds like a really sad hearing. [Daily News]

8 Comments

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