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Jack Crosbie's posts - English uPOST

Jack Crosbie Jack Crosbie Oct 09, 2019. 13 comments

A Guide to Today's Juiciest Feud Featuring Two British Footballers' Wives and a Fake News Sting

A Guide to Today's Juiciest Feud Featuring Two British Footballers' Wives and a Fake News Sting

Coleen Rooney and Rebekah Vardy may not be household names for much of the United States, unless you have a particular form of brain poisoning that comes from caring deeply about English Premier League soccer. But today, for one bright shining moment, you should know them both, because they’re at the center of the juiciest, most inconsequential drama you will read about today. Let’s have...

13 Comments

Jack Crosbie Jack Crosbie Oct 08, 2019. 6 comments

Democrats Shocked to Find They’re in an Actual Primary

Democrats Shocked to Find They’re in an Actual Primary

The 2020 Democratic primary is well underway, and to the great dismay of some political commentators, it does appear to be an actual primary. Who would have thought!

The Washington Post made the rounds with some of the best and brightest minds of the Democratic Party for their thoughts. The results? We got a live on on our hands here, folks!

Exhibit A: in the primary, it remains uncertain who...

6 Comments

Jack Crosbie Jack Crosbie Oct 08, 2019. 12 comments

Behold, for the Hog Revolution Is Nigh

Behold, for the Hog Revolution Is Nigh

Two items of news have come to my attention today that make me all but certain our near future will be dominated by a race of massive, vindictive, technologically advanced hogs.

First, consider this: scientists in China have begun to breed massive hogs. Bloomberg reports that this stunning development is a reaction to mounting demand for pork in the country. A likely story. I suspect this may...

12 Comments

Jack Crosbie Jack Crosbie Oct 07, 2019. 16 comments

Trump Makes Sudden, Horrifying Decision to Let Turkey Invade Northern Syria

Trump Makes Sudden, Horrifying Decision to Let Turkey Invade Northern Syria

Late on Sunday night, the Trump administration made a surprise announcement that it would pull back its remaining forces in Northern Syria and allow Turkish troops to commence a long-planned “operation” in the region. This operation is almost certainly going to look more like an invasion, as critics of Trump’s foreign policy say it gives Turkey carte blanche to wage war on its political...

16 Comments

Jack Crosbie Jack Crosbie Oct 05, 2019. 21 comments

Kurt Volker's Private Statement to Congress Sure Looks Bad for Trump

Kurt Volker's Private Statement to Congress Sure Looks Bad for Trump

On Thursday, former Special Envoy to Ukraine Kurt Volker testified before members of Congress in a private session about the Trump administration’s communication with Ukrainian government officials . Today, BuzzFeed News obtained Voker’s opening statement to congressional investigators, in which Volker alleges that President Trump and Rudy Giuliani repeatedly pursued their personal priorities...

21 Comments

Jack Crosbie Jack Crosbie Oct 04, 2019. 5 comments

A Truly Staggering Statistic About Joe Biden's Campaign

A Truly Staggering Statistic About Joe Biden's Campaign

The latest round of Democratic primary fundraising totals are in , after a last-ditch push by many of the candidates to bring in as much money as possible before the end of the quarter. And the results for Joe Biden do not look great.

Biden is in fourth place, behind Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren’s grassroots small-donor campaigns, as well as Pete Buttigieg.

In the previous quarter,...

5 Comments

Jack Crosbie Jack Crosbie Oct 04, 2019. 10 comments

May We All Handle Batshit Trolls as Well as AOC Did Here

May We All Handle Batshit Trolls as Well as AOC Did Here

During a town hall even in Queens on Thursday night, an activist with the politically incoherent, wildly pro-Trump LaRouche PAC ambushed U.S. Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, standing up and shouting that with only a few months to live from the climate disaster, it was high time we started “eating the babies,” to save ourselves.

AOC, unsurprisingly, handled the interaction with far more grace...

10 Comments

Jack Crosbie Jack Crosbie Oct 04, 2019. 22 comments

The Case Is Really Really Really Not Closed

The Case Is Really Really Really Not Closed

Since a federal whistleblower first alerted the House Intelligence Committee in mid-September of potentially illegal activity, President Trump and his allies have been scrambling to find a defense to the rapidly mounting allegations that have triggered a long-awaited impeachment inquiry . Now, weeks into this process, we have made it here: to nearly the same argument that the president has...

22 Comments

Jack Crosbie Jack Crosbie Oct 03, 2019. 15 comments

Wow... dark times for the UK if Labor leader Jeremy Corbyn becomes prime minister, according to thi

Wow... dark times for the UK if Labor leader Jeremy Corbyn  becomes prime minister, according to thi

Wow... dark times for the UK if Labor leader Jeremy Corbyn becomes prime minister, according to this truly surreal, feverishly right-wing ad. All the hits are here: polygamy, cat-eating, a Jewish mass exodus, and also “Burgon made King of Leeds,” which is objectively funny. Leeds! What a day.

15 Comments

Jack Crosbie Jack Crosbie Oct 03, 2019. 20 comments

Pls Do Not Touch

Pls Do Not Touch

President Donald Trump’s interactions with other world leaders are always fascinating and strange, and today’s meeting with Finnish President Sauli Niinisto did not disappoint.

You know when you go to pet a cat, and the cat decides that it does not want to be pet, and it sorta like, raises a paw and is like: no. Please. Do not pet. Well. This looked kind of like that:

A fair response! Why...

20 Comments

Jack Crosbie Jack Crosbie Oct 02, 2019. 17 comments

Impeachment Is Not a Coup

Impeachment Is Not a Coup

After more than two years of blatant corruption and self-dealing and inhumane policy in office, President Donald Trump currently faces a serious, organized impeachment inquiry. The impeachment process, set in motion by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi on September 24 , is a legal means outlined in Constitution for removing a president who’s committed “high crimes.”

Can’t believe we have to...

17 Comments

Jack Crosbie Jack Crosbie Oct 01, 2019. 13 comments

Trump Spews Absolute Nonsense Before Walking Out on Reporters

Trump Spews Absolute Nonsense Before Walking Out on Reporters

Here is an interaction with the president of the United States that I cannot hope to fully understand. Following an Oval Office event this afternoon to swear in Gene Scalia, the new secretary of Labor, Donald Trump briefly took questions from the press.

The first question: “Do you now know who the whistleblower is, sir?”

Trump’s answer starts off relatively normally, but then things then take a...

13 Comments

Jack Crosbie Jack Crosbie Oct 01, 2019. 3 comments

Happy Sons Day to All the Garbage Sons

Happy Sons Day to All the Garbage Sons

According to the reputable website National Today, which popped up when I just googled “national sons day,” national son(s) day was Saturday, September 28. That means we are a little late in wishing all the sons out there, particularly the garbage ones , a very happy Sons Day.

You know who had a nice Son Day? Country music superstar and Big Dad Travis Tritt, who wished his two sons Happy Sons...

3 Comments

Jack Crosbie Jack Crosbie Sep 30, 2019. 23 comments

Trump Says Parody Is Basically Treason Now

Trump Says Parody Is Basically Treason Now

President Donald Trump was fully on one this morning, starting off another week by ranting about civil war and fixating on every possible unhinged defense of his conduct around a call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky. First up was House Intelligence Chairman Adam Schiff, whose opening statement during a hearing on the whistleblower complaint has been melting Trump’s brain for...

23 Comments

Jack Crosbie Jack Crosbie Sep 28, 2019. 13 comments

Look, by This Point Everyone Has Failed the Castro Twin Test

Look, by This Point Everyone Has Failed the Castro Twin Test

A tweet from MSNBC today mistakenly identified Rep. Joaquin Castro as his twin brother, presidential candidate Julián Castro, in a classic mixup of identities that both Castro twins appear to be getting a little bit sick of.

The tweet was promoting an interview with Joaquin on Hallie Jackson’s MSNBC show about the roadmap for impeaching Donald Trump, something both Castro brothers support. But...

13 Comments

Jack Crosbie Jack Crosbie Sep 28, 2019. 18 comments

Just Another Day in Fucknutsville

Just Another Day in Fucknutsville

Earlier today, Politico published a story under the headline “Just Another Day in Fucknutsville.”

The story, by founding editor John F. Harris, is a long treatise about days gone by, in which a presidential impeachment inquiry would have landed with more weight. Because Trump is such a shitshow and because the modern 24-hour, digital media cycle facilitates shitshows, Harris writes (using...

18 Comments

Jack Crosbie Jack Crosbie Sep 27, 2019. 24 comments

People Are Cancelling the New York Times Again for Reporting on the Whistleblower's Identity

People Are Cancelling the New York Times Again for Reporting on the Whistleblower's Identity

Yesterday, amid a long day of day of congressional testimony and presidential lunacy , the New York Times published a story about the identity of the whistleblower who first exposed President Donald Trump’s extremely suspect conversations with the Ukrainian president. While the paper didn’t reveal the person’s name, it reported that the whistleblower works with the CIA and was detailed to...

24 Comments

Jack Crosbie Jack Crosbie Sep 27, 2019. 8 comments

Per a new Politico/ Morning Consult poll, support for beginning impeachment proceedings is roughly l

Per a new Politico/ Morning Consult poll, support for beginning impeachment proceedings is roughly l

Per a new Politico/ Morning Consult poll, support for beginning impeachment proceedings is roughly level at 43-43 percent, with 13 percent undecided—a 7 point jump from previous polls. The poll was conducted after Nancy Pelosi finally came out in favor of impeachment. Crazy how that works !

8 Comments

Jack Crosbie Jack Crosbie Sep 27, 2019. 7 comments

Mic, the politics and culture website purchased last year in a fire sale by Bustle Digital Group aft

Mic, the politics and culture website purchased last year in a fire sale by Bustle Digital Group aft

Mic, the politics and culture website purchased last year in a fire sale by Bustle Digital Group after laying off nearly the entire unionized staff , is now hiring again... for a 28-hour-per-week “flexible gig” with “some benefits.” Sounds pretty good to me ! (It does not sound pretty good to me).

7 Comments

Jack Crosbie Jack Crosbie Sep 27, 2019. 21 comments

Fuck It, Let's Sacrifice to Odin

Fuck It, Let's Sacrifice to Odin

Conservatives have gone to great lengths over the years to downplay the devastating effects of climate change on the world. Today, the brain geniuses at the Federalist found a new line of attack: believing in climate change is actually just paganism. To which I say: hell yeah brother… let’s sacrifice to Odin!

Look at this shit:

Oh what’s that? The precocious standard-bearer of the current...

21 Comments

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