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Emily Alford Emily Alford Oct 09, 2019. 5 comments

There Is No Such Thing as 'Too Similar' When Publishers All Want the Same Book

There Is No Such Thing as 'Too Similar' When Publishers All Want the Same Book

A few years ago, when I was shopping my now-shelved first novel, an industry insider told me to put the word “girls” in the title. “Girl” novels were big at the moment: Gone Girl, Girl on the Train, The Girls. But a few months later, I was told I had to change the title. There were too many novels about girls.

That is pretty much the way the publishing industry works. Once a title becomes...

5 Comments

Emily Alford Emily Alford Oct 06, 2019. 24 comments

Elton John Says He Once Hosted a Dinner Party Where Sylvester Stallone and Richard Gere Fought Over Princess Diana

Elton John Says He Once Hosted a Dinner Party Where Sylvester Stallone and Richard Gere Fought Over Princess Diana

No, I did not simply plug names into a ’90s headline generator. According to Sir Elton John, Rambo and Edward Lewis once nearly engaged in fisticuffs over the heart of the people’s princess.

This story gets even more delightfully ’90s when you factor in the fact that it was a party given by John and David Furnish for Disney chief Jeffrey Katzenberg who had recently commissioned Elton John to...

24 Comments

Emily Alford Emily Alford Oct 06, 2019. 10 comments

Elizabeth Warren Campaign Fires Senior Staffer Following Allegations of 'Inappropriate Behavior'

Elizabeth Warren Campaign Fires Senior Staffer Following Allegations of 'Inappropriate Behavior'

Rich McDaniel, a senior staffer on the Elizabeth Warren presidential campaign, has been fired amid allegations of “inappropriate behavior.”

Politico reports that a person familiar with the campaign says that complaints about McDaniel’s behavior did not include allegations of sexual assault. To investigate the complaints, the campaign brought in an outside firm to interview staffers outside the...

10 Comments

Emily Alford Emily Alford Oct 06, 2019. 5 comments

Epstein Accuser Alleges She Was Held Against Her Will on Victoria's Secret CEO Les Wexner's Compound

Epstein Accuser Alleges She Was Held Against Her Will on Victoria's Secret CEO Les Wexner's Compound

An artist named Maria Farmer claims that armed guards employed by Victoria’s Secret billionaire Leslie Wexner allegedly kept her from leaving a house on Wexner’s Ohio compound for two months, during which time she was reportedly assaulted by Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell.

According to Farmer, she was commissioned in the mid-90s to create two paintings for the film As Good as It Gets...

5 Comments

Emily Alford Emily Alford Oct 06, 2019. 6 comments

Miley Is Moving On

Miley Is Moving On

Ending a long relationship comes with a lot of negatives: figuring out who gets the proverbial wagon wheel coffee table, that inevitable 3 a.m. text wondering where it all went wrong, all dating apps. But a positive aspect of suddenly finding oneself single again is using this feckless period as an opportunity to tongue kiss all the woulds in your life now that you are free to admit you had...

6 Comments

Emily Alford Emily Alford Oct 04, 2019. 5 comments

Michael Avenatti Says Stormy Daniels Still Owes Him Money

Michael Avenatti Says Stormy Daniels Still Owes Him Money

Michael Avenatti, a sentient lawyer joke punchline who keeps

threatening to run for president, says Stormy Daniels still owes him back pay from that hush money lawsuit .

Because every day of the news cycle is now roughly fifteen years long, you may have forgotten that in January 2018, Avenatti filed a lawsuit on behalf of Daniels to end an agreement in which she allegedly accepted $130,000...

5 Comments

Emily Alford Emily Alford Oct 04, 2019. 10 comments

Judge Orders Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to Explain Twitter to Him in Court

Judge Orders Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to Explain Twitter to Him in Court

Twitter is a social media platform where the same men who demand women remove their headphones in public so they can “ask a quick question” go to demand women engage in impromptu public debates. In both cases, men are prone to throwing fits when women decline. On November 5, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez will be forced to appear in a Brooklyn court in order to explain the ways in which...

10 Comments

Emily Alford Emily Alford Oct 04, 2019. 6 comments

Tyler Cameron Is Not The Bachelor, but He Is Once Again A Bachelor

Tyler Cameron Is Not The Bachelor, but He Is Once Again A Bachelor

After two

blissful months of presumably admiring the symmetry of one another’s faces, The Bachelorette’s Tyler Cameron and freelance Chanel security guard Gigi Hadid are no longer an item.

Just under a week after Cameron called Hadid a “friend” in a Daily Pop appearance, a source tells E! News that Hadid and Cameron are done but also maybe not done:

“They broke up a few weeks ago. The...

6 Comments

Emily Alford Emily Alford Sep 30, 2019. 10 comments

Despite Reese Witherspoon's Best Dancing, Some of Us Still Don't Understand TikTok

Despite Reese Witherspoon's Best Dancing, Some of Us Still Don't Understand TikTok

In internet years, I am roughly 2,000 years old. As evidence of my cyber dotage, allow me to offer the fact that I have had a Facebook account as long as Reese Witherspoon’s teenaged son, Deacon, has been alive. So please forgive me when I say that I do not understand what TikTok

is .
15 TikToks That Deserve Academy Awards

TikTok: It’s not as good as Vine, that’s for sure. But once you dig...

10 Comments

Emily Alford Emily Alford Sep 30, 2019. 12 comments

Hedge Fund Billionaire Reportedly Donated $37.3 Million to Ensure His Kids Got Into Their Preferred Ivy League Schools

Hedge Fund Billionaire Reportedly Donated $37.3 Million to Ensure His Kids Got Into Their Preferred Ivy League Schools

According to a recent article from ProPublica and New York magazine, the half-million dollars Lori Loughlin allegedly spent to bribe her

daughters’ way into college might as well be a sack full of rusty nickels compared to what billionaires are willing to pay.

Hedge fund manager David E. Shaw and his wife, financial journalist Beth Kobliner, have allegedly created an entire foundation for the...

12 Comments

Emily Alford Emily Alford Sep 30, 2019. 3 comments

Felicity Huffman's Daughter Is Reportedly Going to Take the SATs Again

Felicity Huffman's Daughter Is Reportedly Going to Take the SATs Again

Earlier this month, Felicity Huffman was

sentenced to 14 days in jail after pleading guilty to paying a $15,000 bribe in order to boost her daughter’s SAT scores. Now, her daughter will reportedly take the test again without the score-bolstering assistance of money, or at least she will have no monetary advantage beyond that of the privileged upbringing proven to result in higher test...

3 Comments

Emily Alford Emily Alford Sep 30, 2019. 13 comments

Does Anyone Actually Think Debbie Harry Is 'Just a Pretty Blonde in a Pair of Tight Pants'?

Does Anyone Actually Think Debbie Harry Is 'Just a Pretty Blonde in a Pair of Tight Pants'?

The Washington Post has published a very confusing review of Blondie lead singer Debbie Harry’s new memoir Face It that seems to be operating under the assumption that readers need to be persuaded to enjoy Harry and her pretty much universally enjoyed music.

“Even if Debbie Harry, of the band Blondie, isn’t to your taste — her voice too thin, her sexiness too blatant, her music too smooth —...

13 Comments

Emily Alford Emily Alford Sep 29, 2019. 24 comments

Saturday Night Social: Cardi B Asks 'What If Todd Haynes Made a Movie About a Rapper Who Keeps Bees?'

Saturday Night Social: Cardi B Asks 'What If Todd Haynes Made a Movie About a Rapper Who Keeps Bees?'

Todd Haynes makes prestigious period pieces about the ways human desire transcends cultural oppression, often having the stifling mores of the 1950s serve as antagonist and using the prim, restrictive clothing of the era to externally obfuscate characters’ inner turmoil. Cardi B makes music about the hypocrisy of villainizing the objects of our desire, often reworking traditionally stuffy...

24 Comments

Emily Alford Emily Alford Sep 29, 2019. 11 comments

When the Language of Sexual Assault Protects Everyone but the Victim

When the Language of Sexual Assault Protects Everyone but the Victim

Recently, Newsweek ran a story about sexual abuse with the headline “Pennsylvania Priest Placed on Leave After Allegation of Sexual Misconduct with a Minor.” The headline protects the publication from legal ramifications, the audience from the horrors of sexual assaults on children, and the accused priest who now, linguistically, gets an accomplice. The only loser is the victim, now made...

11 Comments

Emily Alford Emily Alford Sep 29, 2019. 19 comments

Mark Ronson Did Not Know What Sapiosexual Meant, Says He Isn't That After All

Mark Ronson Did Not Know What Sapiosexual Meant, Says He Isn't That After All

When I got on the dating apps last year after a very, very long time away, I found that loads of straight guys, perhaps feeling a bit left out of conversations concerning sexuality that didn’t include fucking them, had begun declaring themselves “sapiosexual.” And like 75% of men on dating apps in Los Angeles, Oscar-winning songwriter and producer Mark Ronson has recently come out as someone...

19 Comments

Emily Alford Emily Alford Sep 29, 2019. 21 comments

Wendy Williams and Christie Brinkley Are Still At It

Wendy Williams and Christie Brinkley Are Still At It

Last week, I dared

hope that the Wendy Williams/Christie Brinkley feud would sustain itself long enough to require closer attention, and reader, my wish was granted.

As the feud moves into its third week, let us recap: Brinkley recently broke her arm during Dancing With the Stars rehearsals, tapping her 21-year-old daughter, Sailor Brinkley-Cook, to dance in her place. Williams said the cast...

21 Comments

Emily Alford Emily Alford Sep 27, 2019. 16 comments

A Hollow Play of Sound and Fury, Signifying Nothing

A Hollow Play of Sound and Fury, Signifying Nothing

“How may I live without my name?” John Proctor asks in the climactic scene from Arthur Miller’s The Crucible. The play, which centers the 1692 Salem witch trial narrative on Proctor, is more concerned with how accusations will affect his name rather than the fact that they might end his life.

“I have given you my soul; leave me my name!” he cries. In the play, Proctor has been accused of...

16 Comments

Emily Alford Emily Alford Sep 27, 2019. 20 comments

Long Island Teacher Reportedly Asked Students to Provide Funny Captions for Images of Slavery

Long Island Teacher Reportedly Asked Students to Provide Funny Captions for Images of Slavery

An eighth-grade social studies teacher at John W. Dodd Middle School in Freeport, New York has been suspended pending an investigation into an assignment in which she reportedly asked students to provide funny captions to pictures of post-Civil War pictures of newly freed sharecroppers.

According to CNN, the unidentified teacher instructed students to “make it funny” when she passed around the...

20 Comments

Emily Alford Emily Alford Sep 27, 2019. 10 comments

Helen Mirren Now Travels By Manservant

Helen Mirren Now Travels By Manservant

When Lady Gaga

arrived at the Grammy Awards in a giant egg carried by a team of manservants, she had an entire story about incubating for 72 hours and then hatching on stage to explain her choice of transportation. But when Dame Helen Mirren was similarly carried via litter into the premiere of her new television series Catherine the Great she needed no such explanation. Onlookers simply...

10 Comments

Emily Alford Emily Alford Sep 27, 2019. 19 comments

Miley Cyrus Is a 'Bratty Millennial' According to Her Mother

Miley Cyrus Is a 'Bratty Millennial' According to Her Mother

When I was 11, my parents paid many American dollars to buy seats for the family at a college bowl game. I do not remember how many dollars or what teams played because I spent the entire game reading My Sweet Audrina by V.C. Andrews, which I remember so well that two decades later I regularly recount its plot to my long-suffering friends while drunk. To this day, my parents are upset that I...

19 Comments

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