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Emily Alford's posts - English uPOST

Emily Alford Emily Alford Jul 15, 2019.

Mueller Report Doesn't Say Trump Conspired With Russia, But It Also Doesn't Exonerate Him 

Mueller Report Doesn't Say Trump Conspired With Russia, But It Also Doesn't Exonerate Him 

After a long weekend of waiting for the findings of the Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s report on the Trump campaign’s involvement with Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election, Attorney General William P. Barr has written a four page letter to Congress stating the report “does not conclude that [President Donald Trump] committed a crime, it also does not exonerate him.”

The...

Emily Alford Emily Alford Jul 15, 2019.

Class Action Lawsuit Says Canadian Hospitals Forced Sterilization on Indigenous Women

Class Action Lawsuit Says Canadian Hospitals Forced Sterilization on Indigenous Women

In a pending class action lawsuit, 60 indigenous Canadian women claimed they were coerced into tubal ligation in Saskatchewan hospitals. Now, Amnesty International is making moves to ensure Canadian courts take them seriously, according to The Guardian.

The lawsuit has yet to be certified by a judge, but this week Amnesty International announced it will lobby the UN committee against torture...

Emily Alford Emily Alford Jul 15, 2019.

Saturday Night Social: Caught in the Act

Saturday Night Social: Caught in the Act

This week, The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards announced its 2018 winners, and let’s not kid ourselves, there’s no higher award.

Congratulations to Mary McGowan, whose photograph of an emphatically gesturing squirrel titled “Caught in the Act” took home the top honor. But really there are no losers here. Except maybe the squirrel, who looks like he’s officially denying any wrongdoing but...

Emily Alford Emily Alford Jul 15, 2019.

Saturday Night Social: Like a Moth, Mariah Carey Can't Resist Good Lighting

Saturday Night Social: Like a Moth, Mariah Carey Can't Resist Good Lighting

Front-facing cameras are evil, and FaceTime is awful., or so I thought. Turns out, the secret is to not looking like a bloated ghost when someone is rude enough to force a FaceTime interaction is to hover in the gentle glow of a popcorn cart like glamor moth Mariah Carey.

On July 5, Carey posted a picture of herself at what appears to be a Fourth of July party squatting in front of a lighted...

Emily Alford Emily Alford Jul 15, 2019.

Judge Rules Prosecutors Violated Victims' Rights in Jeffery Epstein Plea Deal  

Judge Rules Prosecutors Violated Victims' Rights in Jeffery Epstein Plea Deal  

A judge has ruled that prosecutors, including Labor Secretary Alexander Acosta, mislead victims and violated the law when they did not inform survivors that a plea deal would send millionaire Jeffery Epstein to jail for just 13 months after a federal probe into allegations that he sexually abused 80 women.  

District Judge Kenneth A. Marra ruled that prosecutors broke the law by reaching an...

Emily Alford Emily Alford Jul 15, 2019.

Oh Good, Someone Thought to Give Dan Mallory an Award

Oh Good, Someone Thought to Give Dan Mallory an Award

Remember that writer who reportedly faked cancer and pretended to have an English accent? Well the Brits might just give him a prize.

Because a white dude with a sad story can just have whatever he wants, Dan Mallory, who writes under the name A.J. Finn, has been nominated for a British Book Award in the Crime and Thriller Book of the Year category. His book, The Woman in the Window is also...

Emily Alford Emily Alford Jul 15, 2019.

Texas Attorney General Fights for Air Travelers' Constitutional Right to Fried Chicken 

Texas Attorney General Fights for Air Travelers' Constitutional Right to Fried Chicken 

Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton is launching an investigation into whether or not a corporation that peddles fried chicken partially in order to fund an anti-LGBT agenda has a constitutional right to set up shop in a San Antonio airport because that’s where we are right now in the annals of history.

Paxton also fancies himself a wordsmith, writing in a Monday letter to San Antonio Mayor Ron...

Emily Alford Emily Alford Jul 15, 2019.

Saturday Night Social: Your Longtime Boyfriend Paul Rudd Is Allegedly 50

Saturday Night Social: Your Longtime Boyfriend Paul Rudd Is Allegedly 50

The fake news media is reporting that Paul Rudd is 50, but since he stopped aging in 2002, those reports remain unverified.

Let’s look at some pictures of him, shall we?

A slightly sunburned Rudd in 2000 looking very much like a Jane Austen character who has a secret fiancée but truly loves you.

Here’s a shaggy-haired Rudd circa 2003 who plays guitar in a band that’s popular in your college...

Emily Alford Emily Alford Jul 15, 2019.

A New Solange Album Drops at Midnight 

A New Solange Album Drops at Midnight 

A Seat at the Table came out in 2016, but it feels like much, much longer. Now the wait for a new album by Solange is finally over.

Solange announced via social media that her new album When I Get Home will be available at midnight Eastern on all streaming platforms. According to Pitchfork, the album was recorded in varied locations, including New Orleans, Jamaica, and Topanga Canyon,...

Emily Alford Emily Alford Jul 15, 2019.

Saturday Night Social: Say Hello to the Cat-Fox, Nature's Most Darling Little Abomination

Saturday Night Social: Say Hello to the Cat-Fox, Nature's Most Darling Little Abomination

I will admit that this headline is clickbait because I wrote it before reading the article about the Corsican cat-fox, so I naturally believed it to be bred of the Devil’s work, namely cat-on-fox or fox-on-cat fucking. It’s not. But do keep reading because this is still interesting, I promise.

After a weird little wide-eared, thick-coated cat was caught in a chicken coop in 2008, scientists...

Emily Alford Emily Alford Jul 15, 2019.

New York City Will Pay Abortion Costs for Those Traveling From Other States

New York City Will Pay Abortion Costs for Those Traveling From Other States

New York City has set aside $250,000 to cover abortion expenses for uninsured people with a third of the money specifically earmarked for those traveling from outside the city seeking access to safe and legal abortion. The fund makes New York the first city in the country to designate money specifically for abortions.

The relatively small amount will probably help around 500 people get...

Emily Alford Emily Alford Jul 15, 2019.

Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth May or May Not Be Married, but They Definitely Had Cake

Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth May or May Not Be Married, but They Definitely Had Cake

It looks very much like Miley Cyrus got married to Liam Hemsworth on Sunday night. Either that or Miley just really needed a besuited Liam’s help cutting a two-tiered white cake while simultaneously wearing an off-the-shoulder white gown.

An Instagram story posted on December 23 by surfer Conrad Jack Carr shows the couple cutting the cake, and another features balloons that say “Mr.” and...

Emily Alford Emily Alford Jul 14, 2019.

Saturday Night Social: Life Finds a Way

Saturday Night Social: Life Finds a Way

Anna the anaconda has gone full Jurassic Park at the New England Aquarium and produced offspring with no help from a male.

Just like in the film, Anna was placed in an all-female environment as a form of birth control, since green anacondas can give birth to dozens of baby snakes at a time. But staffers at the zoo recently discovered that Anna had, in fact, given birth to three live snakelings...

Emily Alford Emily Alford Jul 14, 2019.

Dunkin' Donuts Has Released Munchkins-Inspired Lip Balm for Some Reason

Dunkin' Donuts Has Released Munchkins-Inspired Lip Balm for Some Reason

Ever wanted your lips to feel like you’d just eaten a donut without actually having to eat a donut? Me neither!

Despite lack of obvious relationship between chapped lips and donut holes, Dunkin’ has gotten into the beauty business with Munchkins lip balm—golf ball-shaped lip products that come packaged in Dunkin’s signature white Munchkin boxes. The limited edition set comes in two...

Emily Alford Emily Alford Jul 14, 2019.

MoviePass Is 'On Hiatus' but Promises to Come Back Soon

MoviePass Is 'On Hiatus' but Promises to Come Back Soon

After over a year of money woes and grumblings that MoviePass is not long for our home screens, the company has announced that it’s just going out for a pack of cigarettes and will be back very soon.

In a July 3 tweet, the company announced that service would be temporarily shut down starting at 5 A.M. ET on July 4, according to Variety, but not because they’re out of money, just because the...

Emily Alford Emily Alford Jul 14, 2019.

Space Scientists Need Women Volunteers Who Will Stay in Bed Eating Pancakes for Two Months  

Space Scientists Need Women Volunteers Who Will Stay in Bed Eating Pancakes for Two Months  

Do you speak German and hate getting out of bed? That could be worth almost 19k to space scientists.

A study commissioned by NASA and the European Space Agency being conducted at the German Aerospace Center needs German-speaking, non-smoking women ages 22-55 to lie in bed for 60 days in order to help understand the impact of weightlessness on the body. In space, muscles and bones deteriorate,...

Emily Alford Emily Alford Jul 14, 2019.

Saturday Night Social: Nation's Moms Beleaguered By Threats of Microwaved Turkeys 

Saturday Night Social: Nation's Moms Beleaguered By Threats of Microwaved Turkeys 

This week, children who obviously do not care about the number of Christmas gifts they are to receive panicked their mothers for the internet’s amusement. Did you?

Anyway, let’s make like a drunk raccoon (but not the ones with distemper who we hope will get well very soon) and get this party started!

Emily Alford Emily Alford Jul 14, 2019.

Government Shutdown Means the Violence Against Women Act is Expired 

Government Shutdown Means the Violence Against Women Act is Expired 

The government shutdown officially began at midnight, which means the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) has expired and programs that assist survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault will be left without funding.

The VAWA was passed in response to Anita Hill’s 1994 testimony alleging sexual harassment by Supreme Court Justice (then nominee) Clarence Thomas, and it expired just three...

Emily Alford Emily Alford Jul 14, 2019.

Man Famous for Acting Like Donald Trump Behaves Predictably 

Man Famous for Acting Like Donald Trump Behaves Predictably 

Alec Baldwin, famous for both his spot-on impersonations of imperious, spoiled millionaires and yelling voicemail insults at little girls, has been arrested for punching someone over a parking spot.

Apparently, Baldwin tussled with a man who swooped in and stole his West Village parking spot, which is exactly like that episode of Seinfeld except George didn’t end up at Lenox Hill Hospital...

Emily Alford Emily Alford Jul 14, 2019.

The Folks Who Gave Us Impossible Burgers Are Going to Start Making Steaks 

The Folks Who Gave Us Impossible Burgers Are Going to Start Making Steaks 

Impossible Foods, the company responsible for those bloody potato burgers, is going into the steak business.

Full disclosure: despite occasional dabbling in vegetarianism, I have not tried the Impossible Burger that all my vegetarian friends go on about because the idea of potatoes and wheat protein made to “bleed” like a real burger grosses me out. That being said, people go apeshit for that...

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