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Drew Magary Drew Magary Oct 30, 2019. 8 comments

Can I Fuck To My Friend's Band?

Can I Fuck To My Friend's Band?
Funbag Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag.Prev NextView All

Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re talking about mercy rules, Jason Statham, baseball, cereal, bad roommates, and more.

Your letters:

Josh:

I’m a sound guy, and as such am lucky enough to have some...

8 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Oct 25, 2019. 21 comments

You’re Goddamn Right It’s Layering Season

You’re Goddamn Right It’s Layering Season

Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here .

Fall took its sweet-ass time getting here. I live in a state where fall has essentially become extinct. One day it’s brutal jungle humidity: air so thick you could ice a cake with it. The next day a vicious frost comes in and suddenly your testicles are 30...

21 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Oct 23, 2019. 16 comments

And Now, A Modern Drug Deal Gone Wrong

And Now, A Modern Drug Deal Gone Wrong
Funbag Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag.Prev NextView All

Today, we’re talking about drugs, buffets, shitty NFL stock music, and more.

Your letters:

Riley:

Best weed smoking method: who ya got? Bowl, bong, blunt, joint, chillum, bubbler, apple, vape, boofing, etc?

I do not know what a chillum is. Actually, I do not know what boofing...

16 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Oct 23, 2019. 8 comments

If You’re Defending Tom Brady’s Cheap Martyr Routine, You’re Fucking Pathetic

If You’re Defending Tom Brady’s Cheap Martyr Routine, You’re Fucking Pathetic

The scene is good. In case you missed it, have a gander below at the now-infamous scene from the new Paul Rudd show Living With Myself where Tom Brady strolls out of a massage parlor:

That’s a genuinely amusing scene. Brady can’t act for shit, but it’s not like the script requires him to do any heavy lifting. The joke is him being there in the first place. Writer Timothy Greenberg,...

8 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Oct 18, 2019. 22 comments

This Post Could Give You Just The Spark You Needed

This Post Could Give You Just The Spark You Needed

Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here .

Titans franchise quarterback Marcus Mariota lost his job this week . The immortal Ryan Tannehill will be starting in his place when Tennessee faces the Chargers on Sunday. Why is this? Well, it’s because Mariota is an inert passer. But also, in an EXCLUSIVE,...

22 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Oct 16, 2019. 24 comments

What Is The Best Minimum-Wage Job?

What Is The Best Minimum-Wage Job?
Funbag Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag.Prev NextView All

Today, we’re talking about napkins, doctors, baseball, stadium food storage methods, and more.

Your letters:

Jeremy:

What is the best minimum wage job? My first job was a movie theater usher, and reading others’ experiences makes me think that might be the jackpot of minimum...

24 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Oct 11, 2019. 19 comments

Crumbs At The Bottom Of The Cereal Bag, Ranked

Crumbs At The Bottom Of The Cereal Bag, Ranked

(NOTE: Only ranked by how these perform in a bowl with milk. If you wanna use them as an ingredient in some nouveau dessert brittle, that’s a different list.)

1. Crunch Berries

2. Cinnamon Toast Crunch

3. Cinnamon Life

4. Honey Graham Oh’s

5. Fruity Pebbles

6. Golden Grahams

7. Cocoa Puffs

8. Frosted Flakes

9. Apple Jacks

10. Cocoa Krispies

11. Oreo O’s

12. Honey Bunches Of Oats

13. Corn Flakes

14. Cap’n...

19 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Oct 09, 2019. 8 comments

Who Is Your Favorite Athlete Not On Your Favorite Team?

Who Is Your Favorite Athlete Not On Your Favorite Team?
Your browser does not support HTML5 video tag.Click here to view original GIFGraphic: Jim Cooke (GMG), Photo: GettyFunbagTime for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? [Email the Funbag](mailto:funbag.deadspin@gmail.com).   

Today, we’re talking about getting eaten by a whale, state names as first names, typos, Hitler, butter knives, and more.

Your...

8 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Oct 08, 2019. 11 comments

The NBA Doesn’t Give A Fuck About People

The NBA Doesn’t Give A Fuck About People

The NBA already knows the math. The NBA already knows that whatever price it may pay for aligning themselves with the Chinese government against one of its own teams’ employees—all because Rockets GM Daryl Morey tweeted out a show of support for protesters in Hong Kong—will be nothing compared to what they stood to lose if they had grown a fucking spine. Morey’s single tweet was enough to...

11 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Oct 04, 2019. 24 comments

You’re Not An Owner

You’re Not An Owner

Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here .

I liked sports more when I knew less about it. Melvin Gordon ended his holdout and reported back to the Chargers before last Sunday’s win over a beached Dolphins team that plays football about as well as I dance. Gordon didn’t play in that game. He didn’t...

24 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Oct 02, 2019. 24 comments

The Internet Ruined “Dude”

The Internet Ruined “Dude”
FunbagTime for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? [Email the Funbag](mailto:funbag.deadspin@gmail.com).   

Today, we’re talking about un-Googleable band names, your groin, mustard-drenched testicles, and more.

Your letters:

Paul:

Hi Drew - can you rank the alternatives to calling someone “dude”? E.g. bro, bud, buddy, pal, boss, man, bossman, guy, big guy,...

24 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Sep 27, 2019. 23 comments

You Cannot Fuck Up Visiting New Orleans

You Cannot Fuck Up Visiting New Orleans

Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here .

There are a whole lot of dead people in New Orleans. I saw them resting in vast cemeteries that ran alongside the interstate seemingly for miles on the way into town—a drive from the airport that was so long that I started thinking to myself Uh, where’s New...

23 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Sep 25, 2019. 21 comments

I’ll Be Goddamned If Chili Is Ever Considered A Health Food

I’ll Be Goddamned If Chili Is Ever Considered A Health Food
FunbagTime for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? [Email the Funbag](mailto:funbag.deadspin@gmail.com).   

Today, we’re talking about pickles, basketball hoop design, BIG WEDDING, and more.

Your letters:

Ken:

How come chili is not considered healthy? Everything in it is healthy, depending on how you make it. Tomatoes, peppers, black beans, onions, garlic,...

21 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Sep 20, 2019. 22 comments

Kirk Cousins Isn’t Worth A Shit

Kirk Cousins Isn’t Worth A Shit

Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here .

Before we get into this, I should issue a HOMER ALERT because I am a Vikings fan and because this is a post about Kirk Cousins. As far as I’m concerned, all homerism should be disclosed up front, the same way a SPOILER WARNING must be displayed atop any online...

22 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Sep 18, 2019. 24 comments

The Fuck Is Wrong With Announcers Who Won’t Call A Football A Ball?

The Fuck Is Wrong With Announcers Who Won’t Call A Football A Ball?
FunbagTime for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? [Email the Funbag](mailto:funbag.deadspin@gmail.com).   

Today, we’re talking about trailers, crossing state lines, Sean’s friend Bruce, drunken coaches, and more.

Your letters:

Brent:

Why do NFL announcers use the word “football” so damn much in football games? Why can’t they just use “ball?” Last time I...

24 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Sep 13, 2019. 12 comments

The NFL Has A Painkiller Crisis That It Never Wants To Go Away

The NFL Has A Painkiller Crisis That It Never Wants To Go Away

Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here .

The same drug that killed Prince and Tom Petty killed Tyler Skaggs, too. If you remember, Skaggs was a pitcher for the General Southern California Area Angels who died at age 27 in July without any warning (without any publicly visible warning, anyway) that he...

12 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Sep 11, 2019. 24 comments

Yes, You Can Refer To Your Favorite Team As “We”

Yes, You Can Refer To Your Favorite Team As “We”
FunbagTime for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? [Email the Funbag](mailto:funbag.deadspin@gmail.com).   

Today, we’re talking about why baseball has no left-handed shortstops, flossing, Worcestershire sauce, toenails for teeth, and more.

Your letters:

Roger:

Should fans say “we won/lost/suck/etc.” when talking about whatever team they support, or use “they”...

24 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Sep 06, 2019. 23 comments

Football Is The Last Great American Vice

Football Is The Last Great American Vice

Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here .

My wife left me. I had to a shitload of work to do early in August, but she didn’t want to be stuck in the house with three overheated, overly bored kids and one surly husband. So she packed up the car and drove the little ones to the Finger Lakes while I...

23 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Sep 06, 2019. 20 comments

Antonio Brown And The Raiders Have Conspired To Ruin Every Goddamn Thing

Antonio Brown And The Raiders Have Conspired To Ruin Every Goddamn Thing

Let us start with a hearty LOL. The Oakland Raiders traded for downfield savant Antonio Brown during the offseason, handed him $30-plus million in guaranteed money, and now stand ready to piss that investment away in the quickest, most Raiders-like fashion possible. Adam Schefter is now reporting that after Brown publicly bitched about being fined by the team, freshman GM and defender of THE...

20 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Sep 05, 2019. 22 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: New England Patriots

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: New England Patriots

Some people are fans of the New England Patriots. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New England Patriots. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews here.

Your team: Orchids of Asia. Real change of pace for someone in this organization to have THEIR dick grabbed!

Your browser does not support HTML5 video tag.Click here to view...

22 Comments

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