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Doug DeMuro's posts - English uPOST

Doug DeMuro Doug DeMuro Jul 05, 2019.

Please Don’t Ever Leave Me A Voicemail

Please Don’t Ever Leave Me A
Voicemail

In the giant, all-encompassing list of life’s huge and enormous inconveniences, I would rank “receiving a voicemail” as number one. Death would be number two.

I haven’t always hated voicemails. On the contrary, when I was a kid, I used to love them. What would happen back then is, someone would call – presumably during dinner, which would result in at least one “son of a…” from my parents –...

Doug DeMuro Doug DeMuro Jun 21, 2019.

Can We Please Stop With All The Kale?

Can We Please Stop With All The Kale?

Our country is currently mired in a nationwide health food epidemic. I know this because people who were previously normal, regular human beings keep coming up and talking to me about kale.

For those of you who aren’t in the know, kale is this weird little green substance that looks, feels, and acts like dried seaweed. Only there is a big difference: it tastes considerably worse. Also, kale...

Doug DeMuro Doug DeMuro May 26, 2019.

'I’m The Drummer For Weezer, What Car Should I Get?'

'I’m The Drummer For Weezer, What Car Should I
Get?'
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Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we've again reached that point: the week is over, Friday is here, and that means it's time for this week's Letters to Doug, wherein you ask me a series of highly exciting automotive-related questions and I ignore almost all of them.

This week's letter is extra special, because it comes...

Doug DeMuro Doug DeMuro Dec 06, 2018.

For God’s Sake, Shut Up About Credit Cards And Airline Miles

For God’s Sake, Shut Up About
Credit Cards And Airline Miles

I recently had the opportunity to sit down for lunch with two friends: an investment banker and a business consultant. In other words: I recently had the opportunity to waste an hour of my life discussing credit card rewards and airline miles.

For those of you who aren't quite sure exactly what I mean, allow me to explain what goes on at a modern investment bank here in the year...

Doug DeMuro Doug DeMuro Dec 06, 2018.

Loud Restaurants Need to End

Loud Restaurants Need to End

I recently spent the evening screaming at my friends. This took place at one of those upscale restaurants where you ask for “tap water” and they look at you like you’re trying to take a selfie of your butt cheeks.

The interesting thing is, I wasn’t mad at my friends, when I was screaming at them. I was merely trying to speak to them, like normal humans might interact with one another. Except I...

Doug DeMuro Doug DeMuro Dec 03, 2018.

Here’s Why Tipping Is Actually A Good Thing

Here’s Why Tipping Is Actually A
Good Thing

I recently returned from Europe, where I had a lovely vacation that primarily consisted of a) seeing all the wonderful, breathtaking, beautiful, historic sights that they have in Istanbul and Malta, and b) waiting for restaurant servers to bring me my bill.

But before I get into why these were key components of my vacation, I think we need to go back and revisit peoples’ attitudes towards...

Doug DeMuro Doug DeMuro Aug 23, 2018.

Signing Your Name Is The Strangest Thing You Do

Signing Your Name Is The Strangest
Thing You Do

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about the aliens. Not the illegal immigrant kind; the government seems to have that problem under control, in the sense that there's a heated debate about it every few months, and you have congressmen calling each other names, and shoving each other as they board that little electric tram underneath the Capitol, and then eventually they move on to another...

Doug DeMuro Doug DeMuro Jul 19, 2018. 20 comments

What’s The Perfect Car For A Teenager?

What’s The Perfect Car For A Teenager?
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Well, everyone, it's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday, and that means it's time for today's version of Letters to Doug, which is consistently Jalopnik's finest column each week, assuming you don't read any of the others.

This week, we received a record number of letters, including one from a reader in Nevada...

20 Comments

Doug DeMuro Doug DeMuro Jul 02, 2018. 22 comments

What Car Would You Actually Buy For $60,000?

What Car Would You Actually Buy For
$60,000?

Hello ladies and gentlemen of Jalopnik and welcome to Friday, where it’s my honor to present to you Letters to Doug, a weekly column wherein you write Doug letters, and Doug reads them at 2 a.m. while eating Cheetos in his underwear, wondering where his life went wrong.

If you want to be part of that happy ritual, you can be! Just send your car-related letter to Letters2Doug@gmail.com. And to...

22 Comments

Doug DeMuro Doug DeMuro Jun 15, 2018. 22 comments

The Cargo Van Is The Perfect Vehicle For Anywhere

The Cargo Van Is The Perfect
Vehicle For Anywhere

I recently spent a considerable amount of time trying to figure out what vehicle blends in perfectly in every single situation. This is the kind of thing I do on a Friday night when my girlfriend is out of town.

These were my parameters: I wanted to find a car that wouldn’t inspire a second glance, regardless of whether you were rolling up to an old money country club or driving around in a...

22 Comments

Doug DeMuro Doug DeMuro Apr 13, 2018. 21 comments

What Do You Do When Someone Says Something Obviously Untrue About Cars?

What Do You Do When Someone Says
Something Obviously Untrue About Cars?
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Hello, humans of Jalopnik, and welcome to a special edition of Letters to Doug, your favorite weekly Jalopnik column wherein you provide the letters and I provide the Doug.

Why is this week’s column special? Because it’s the first one to take a letter from my Facebook page, which provides up-to-the-minute information...

21 Comments

Doug DeMuro Doug DeMuro Apr 13, 2018. 24 comments

Concept Cars Are Stupid And Useless

Concept Cars Are Stupid And Useless

Good news, everyone: I've decided to devote today's column to the most outdated, obsolete, antiquated relic of the entire automotive industry.

But before I get started, I already know what you're thinking: You're going to write an entire column about the Nissan Frontier?!

And I admit, the Nissan Frontier is indeed fairly old-fashioned. So old-fashioned, in fact, that the owner's manual includes...

24 Comments

Doug DeMuro Doug DeMuro Apr 01, 2018. 24 comments

Here Are The Cars You Told Me To Buy

Here Are The Cars You Told Me To
Buy
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Last week, I asked you to help me choose the car I would buy and use for a year to create columns and mediocre videos. This week, I pored over all the posts to figure out what everyone suggested. Holy crap, you guys are weird.

What Car Should I Buy Next? 

Gather ‘round, boys and girls, men and women, Crest and...

24 Comments

Doug DeMuro Doug DeMuro Mar 30, 2018. 24 comments

How Did You Choose The DougCar?

How Did You Choose The DougCar?

Hello, ladies and gentlemen of Jalopnik, and welcome to the latest round of Letters to Doug, your favorite weekly column wherein you send me letters and, in response, I send you Doug.

Interested in participating? Well, you certainly can! Just send me an e-mail at Letters2Doug@gmail.com, which is my receptacle for a) Letters to Doug e-mails, and — thanks to one of you kind readers — b) Rick...

24 Comments

Doug DeMuro Doug DeMuro Mar 25, 2018. 24 comments

Ford's 'EcoBoost' Is Just A Really Good Marketing Scheme

Ford's 'EcoBoost' Is Just A Really Good
Marketing Scheme

It is very important to me that I, Doug DeMuro, get to the bottom of every issue, and also sometimes to the top, especially if that issue is a scary-looking spider on my ceiling. This is why I’ve decided to devote today’s column to uncovering the giant marketing scheme that is Ford EcoBoost.

Just to be clear, EcoBoost is not a multi-level marketing scheme, like Amway, or HerbaLife, or those...

24 Comments

Doug DeMuro Doug DeMuro Mar 25, 2018. 20 comments

What Happens To Crappy Old Trade-Ins?

What Happens To Crappy Old
Trade-Ins?

Good evening, men and women of Jalopnik, and welcome to Letters to Doug, your favorite weekly Jalopnik column wherein you provide the Letters and I provide the Doug.

Do you want to participate in Letters to Doug? Too bad! I get dozens of letters each week, many of them from the Rick Santorum mailing list, and I will probably not select yours. However, you can always try, by emailing me at

20 Comments

Doug DeMuro Doug DeMuro Mar 23, 2018. 24 comments

Should You Bother With An Extended Warranty?

Should You Bother With An Extended
Warranty?

Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Letters to Doug, a weekly column wherein Doug addresses your automotive-related letters with letters of his own, such as P.

If you want to participate in Letters to Doug, you can: just send me a message on my Facebook page, or send me an e-mail at Letters2Doug@gmail.com. I will read both, though I must say that I prefer the Facebook thing, because you...

24 Comments

Doug DeMuro Doug DeMuro Mar 23, 2018. 21 comments

Here’s Everything You Need to Know About My Nissan Skyline GT-R

Here’s Everything You Need to Know
About My Nissan Skyline GT-R

Last week, I revealed my newly imported Nissan Skyline GT-R for the very first time. This was an exciting, joyous event, and you guys responded by asking me so many questions that I felt like I was Neil deGrasse Tyson doing a Reddit AMA, and I had just revealed a secret love for cats.

So today, I’ve decided to create a video that will answer many of your questions about my new car. It’s...

21 Comments

Doug DeMuro Doug DeMuro Mar 17, 2018. 24 comments

Why Are Most High-Performance Cars Automatic Only?

Why Are Most High-Performance Cars
Automatic Only?

Happy Friday, good people of Jalopnik, and welcome to your weekly serving of Letters to Doug, wherein you write letters to Doug and Doug reads them while eating Cheez-Its.

If you’d like to participate in Letters to Doug, you can! Just send me an e-mail at Letters2Doug@gmail.com, which is my official “Letters to Doug” e-mail address. Although I cannot promise I will use your letter on Jalopnik,...

24 Comments

Doug DeMuro Doug DeMuro Mar 16, 2018. 22 comments

Oh My God, There Is A Hurricane Coming

Oh My God, There Is A Hurricane
Coming

There is currently a hurricane bearing down on the East Coast, and today’s top climatologists and government officials all agree there is only one thing left for able-bodied humans to do: panic.

I know I am panicking. Hurricane Joaquin – named for the famous Saint Joaquin, the patron saint of umbrellas – is currently coming towards us at the pace of an electric golf cart. Right now, it’s...

22 Comments

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