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Stephen A. Crockett Jr.'s posts - English uPOST

Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Jan 24, 2020. 16 comments

Impeachment Trial, Day 3: How Do You Get Liars to Care About the Truth?

Impeachment Trial, Day 3: How Do You Get Liars to Care About the Truth?

So I know you didn’t watch Day 3 of the Trump Impeachment trial so allow me to recap all the bits you missed.

Democrats continued to make their case, which was totally riveting btw, and then Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif.) pulled a sword and began hacking away at the podium. Notorious R.E.P. Hakeem Jeffries (D-N.Y.) tackled Schiff and the two began rolling around on the floor. It was at this...

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Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Jan 24, 2020. 8 comments

Was Bernie Buggin’? Sanders Reportedly Compared White Vermont Marble Workers to Black Slaves

Was Bernie Buggin’? Sanders Reportedly Compared White Vermont Marble Workers to Black Slaves

The longer I look at Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.), the more he goes from being the radical old white guy with the alternative ideas to the white guy who’s way too comfortable around black people. You know, the white guy who was in the all-black church choir, the one who went against the grain in high school and admitted that he found a black cheerleader pretty. The guy who in the 1970s...

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Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Jan 23, 2020. 1 comments

What Geraldo Rivera Left in Al Capone’s Vault

What Geraldo Rivera Left in Al Capone’s Vault

In April of 1986, Geraldo Rivera hosted a two-hour live exclusive called, sadly, The Mystery of Al Capone’s Vaults, which was hyped up as an unveiling of whatever secrets the former mob boss left behind. Some 30 million people tuned in to watch what everyone believed was going to be a bounty of riches. After building the event into a lather for almost two-hours, Rivera—who, up until this...

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Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Jan 22, 2020. 11 comments

Never Thought Hip-Hop Would Take It This Far: Rep. Hakeem Jeffries Drops B.I.G. Lyric During Impeachment Trial

Never Thought Hip-Hop Would Take It This Far: Rep. Hakeem Jeffries Drops B.I.G. Lyric During Impeachment Trial

The impeachment trial for Russia’s favorite operative Donald J. Trump has started and New York Rep. Hakeem Jeffries is becoming the breakout star.

On Tuesday, after arguing succinctly and effectively that the president of the United States is a quid pro hoe who was willing to punish Ukraine by withholding aid until the Ukrainian president Volvo Fatosky (seriously, do you know his name?)...

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Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Jan 22, 2020. 13 comments

Hillary Clinton Just Ethered Bernie Sanders, Calling Him a Career Politician Whom 'Nobody Likes'

Hillary Clinton Just Ethered Bernie Sanders, Calling Him a Career Politician Whom 'Nobody Likes'

Hillary Clinton tried to tell America that they “COULD’VE HAD A BAD BITCH, NON-COMMITTAL,” but America didn’t want to listen. Now, Clinton is continuing her “I’mma hit you back in a minute” tour and dragging Bernie Sanders’ ass under the Clinton campaign bus.

For reference, the Clinton campaign bus is a perpetually moving bus that drags anyone under it at any time. Just because it’s a campaign...

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Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Jan 21, 2020. 18 comments

Kellyanne Conway and Don Jr. Gentrify MLK Day With Raisin and Mayo-Laced Bullshit

Kellyanne Conway and Don Jr. Gentrify MLK Day With Raisin and Mayo-Laced Bullshit

Much like cornrows, hips, lips, asses and black men who play basketball, white people love some Martin Luther King Jr. Once a year, they co-opt the holiday observed in his name and act like they loved him his whole life. Studies taken by Me and Me—more formally called Me (I did the study)—show that white people only use the name Martin Luther King Jr. twice a year: once on the holiday...

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Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Jan 18, 2020. 16 comments

Trump Adds 2 of Jeffrey Epstein’s Friends to His Impeachment Defense Team

Trump Adds 2 of Jeffrey Epstein’s Friends to His Impeachment Defense Team

In what can only be called clown shit, President Trump will enter his Senate impeachment trial with former Bill Clinton special prosecutors Kenneth Starr and Robert Ray, plus retired Harvard constitutional law professor Alan Dershowitz, as his attorneys.

According to Politico, the three famous attorneys will serve as backups behind “White House counsel Pat Cipollone and Jay Sekulow, Trump’s...

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Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Jan 18, 2020. 14 comments

Diamond and Silk Are Still a Thing and They're Still Ruining Madam C.J. Walker's Good Work

Diamond and Silk Are Still a Thing and They're Still Ruining Madam C.J. Walker's Good Work

God doesn’t make mistakes, but people do. And sometimes those mistakes look like black aunties, who, in 2020 the year of our Lord Megan Thee Stallion, have the sensibilities of house negroes on dope.

Anyway, because, much like cold sores and dentist appointments, they just won’t go away, Diamond and Silk did something or said something utterly ridiculous because they are two grown women who...

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Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Jan 18, 2020. 18 comments

New Book Reveals Trump’s a Bigger, Dumber Asshole Than We Thought

New Book Reveals Trump’s a Bigger, Dumber Asshole Than We Thought

When historians write about the 45th president, they will have to use photos and crayons or else the president himself won’t be able to read it. Because it turns out that the president of the United States, the man who 53 percent of white women voted into office, is about as smart as a second-grader who doesn’t read much.

In A Very Stable Genius: Donald J. Trump’s Testing of America,...

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Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Jan 17, 2020. 5 comments

Lev-ing His Best Life: The 3 Biggest Takeaways From Lev Parnas’ Worldwide 'Take Down the White House' Tour

Lev-ing His Best Life: The 3 Biggest Takeaways From Lev Parnas’ Worldwide 'Take Down the White House' Tour

Turns out that Trump’s fixer Rudy Giuliani also had a fixer named Lev Parnas. Lev Parnas got caught up in some campaign finance fiasco in which he allegedly engaged in a scheme to funnel foreign cash to Republican candidates, which is illegal.

And thank God he (allegedly) did. Because that act got him in trouble and he’s giving up everything. In fact, Lev Parnas is on an “award tour with...

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Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Jan 16, 2020. 19 comments

Federal Watchdog Finds That Trump Broke the Law by Withholding Ukrainian Aid

Federal Watchdog Finds That Trump Broke the Law by Withholding Ukrainian Aid

Did you know that there is a federal watchdog group that holds the government accountable? I didn’t either. But apparently, the Government Accountability Office has put a ring (and by “ring,” I mean handcuffs) on it and made it official: Trump broke the law when he withheld congressionally-approved aid to Ukraine last year.

According to CNN, the GAO found Thursday that the White House budget...

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Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Jan 16, 2020. 12 comments

Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s 7-Member Impeachment Hit Squad Includes Hakeem Jeffries and Val Demings

Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s 7-Member Impeachment Hit Squad Includes Hakeem Jeffries and Val Demings

On Wednesday, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced the seven House members who will prosecute President Trump’s Senate impeachment trial, and while the usual names are there (we see you, Judiciary Committee Chairman Jerrold Nadler (D-N.Y.) and Intelligence Committee Chairman Rep. Adam B. Schiff (D-Calif.)), we also see black members Democratic Caucus Chairman Hakeem Jeffries (D-N.Y.) and Rep....

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Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Jan 16, 2020. 17 comments

The Entire Russian Government Just Said, 'Ight Imma Head Out'

The Entire Russian Government Just Said, 'Ight Imma Head Out'

On Wednesday, after learning that Russian President Vladimir Putin was proposing reforms that would strengthen the prime minister’s role after rumors that Putin was planning to shift to Prime Minister, the entire Russian government chucked Putin the deuces and bounced.

Live footage of the entire Russian government:

Because Putin’s reign in office—much like someone else we know—is diabolical...

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Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Jan 16, 2020. 16 comments

Rudy’s Boy, Lev Parnas, Is Going Full 6ix9ine and the Documents He Gave Up Are Insane

Rudy’s Boy, Lev Parnas, Is Going Full 6ix9ine and the Documents He Gave Up Are Insane

Lev Parnas is ready to tell you why fools fall in love. He knows everything that the lonely do at Christmas and whether T-Pain really brought that girl a drink. Parnas knows whether or not all of the people in the club actually got tipsy and whether or not they committed DUIs later that evening.

If you ever had a conversation with Lev Parnas, be concerned because he’s somewhere with a carton...

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Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Jan 14, 2020. 10 comments

Bern Victim: If Rumors Are True, Bernie Sanders Is Going to Have to Explain Why He Reportedly Told Elizabeth Warren a Woman Can’t Win

Bern Victim: If Rumors Are True, Bernie Sanders Is Going to Have to Explain Why He Reportedly Told Elizabeth Warren a Woman Can’t Win

Bernie Sanders, America’s favorite mall kiosk tax preparer, is going to have to do a lot of mansplaining to work himself out of this one.

According to reports, during a private meeting in 2018 between him and Elizabeth Warren, the two longtime friends sat down to discuss what was at stake with Trump at the helm. They discussed facing off against each other and what that might mean for their...

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Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Jan 14, 2020. 16 comments

Trump Retweets Photoshopped Image of Nancy Pelosi in a Hijab Because a Muslim Is Obviously More Dangerous Than a Degenerate Wannabe Dictator

Trump Retweets Photoshopped Image of Nancy Pelosi in a Hijab Because a Muslim Is Obviously More Dangerous Than a Degenerate Wannabe Dictator

There is one joke that never seems to get old with Republican voters; maybe you’ve heard it: It’s the one where everyone pokes fun at people wearing crosses. Wait, you haven’t heard this joke? That’s because people don’t make them. You’d be a douche if you made fun of Christianity but you know what hasn’t seemed to tire out?

Islamic xenophobia.

On Monday morning, the white supremacist of the...

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Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Jan 13, 2020. 11 comments

The White House Even Lies About the Weather, Tweets Photo of ‘First Snow’ on 70 Degree Day

The White House Even Lies About the Weather, Tweets Photo of ‘First Snow’ on 70 Degree Day

The White House is so out of touch with reality that on one of the hottest days in January history, the White House shared a photo declaring the first snow of the year.

“First snow of the year!” read the photo’s caption, which showed the White House in the background and snow pouring down. The photo was shared to Twitter on Sunday evening when temperatures reached a high of 70 degrees.

There...

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Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Jan 13, 2020. 10 comments

Sen. Cory Booker Drops Out of Presidential Race

Sen. Cory Booker Drops Out of Presidential Race

On Monday, in a move that we all saw coming, Sen. Cory Booker (D-N.J.)—he of the wide smile and charismatic optimism that’s almost too good to be true—announced that he’s ending his bid for president.

You know what this means? We won’t have a first lady named Rosario! That former Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick is all we’ve got left, as he’s the only black candidate remaining.

“Nearly one year...

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Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Jan 11, 2020. 10 comments

Spiritual Guru Didn’t Consult Her 3rd Eye About Presidential Chances and Now She’s Out

Spiritual Guru Didn’t Consult Her 3rd Eye About Presidential Chances and Now She’s Out

Author Marianne Williamson, more commonly referred to as “the kooky lady running for president” ended her 2020 Democratic presidential campaign Friday after many people who are openly Democrat and follow politics were like, “She’s still in the race?”

“I stayed in the race to take advantage of every possible opportunity to share our message. With caucuses and primaries now about to begin,...

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Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Stephen A. Crockett Jr. Jan 10, 2020. 18 comments

The White House Doesn’t Want You to Know How Much It Costs for Trump to Visit His Shitty Resorts Until After the 2020 Election

The White House Doesn’t Want You to Know How Much It Costs for Trump to Visit His Shitty Resorts Until After the 2020 Election

Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin-on-Trump’s-nuts just can’t stop pass-blocking for his boo. Besides denying a request by Congress to turn over Trump’s tax documents, he’s now trying to delay revealing how much the Trump family has spent on presidential travel until after the 2020 election and Russia uses Facebook to put Trump back into office.

According to the Washington Post,...

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