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Billy Haisley's posts - English uPOST

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Aug 21, 2019 at 23:48. 10 comments

Manager Ascends To New Level Of Consciousness, Makes Completely Logical Connection Between The Handball Rule And Brexit

Manager Ascends To New Level Of Consciousness, Makes Completely Logical Connection Between The Handball Rule And Brexit

The modern discourse is a never-ending cascade of Expanding Brain memes. Everyone plays their part, and when Deadspin is doing its job well, we provide takes that belong to one of the latter panels, ones hopefully more sophisticated than this but less out-there than this. Proving that our angle on the handball call that ruined Saturday’s Manchester City-Tottenham match wasn’t the most...

10 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Aug 20, 2019 at 00:36. 6 comments

The New Handball Rule Is The Cold, VAR Is Cancer

The New Handball Rule Is The Cold, VAR Is Cancer

For the second time in as many weeks of the new Premier League season, the biggest story from the weekend was another ruinously stupid imposition of VAR. The only thing more tiring than having to write the umpteenth anti-VAR post is having to witness video replay poison this wonderful sport from week to week.

The latest example of bad VAR was a familiar one : Manchester City, scrambling for a...

6 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Aug 16, 2019. 12 comments

There Is No Ethical Dissent Under Capitalism

There Is No Ethical Dissent Under Capitalism

It’s safe to say Jay-Z, to some extent, takes cues from Colin Kaepernick. Jay-Z has expressed his admiration of the former quarterback before, once calling him an “iconic figure.” In the aftermath of Kaepernick’s black-balling from the NFL for his peaceful protest of police killing unarmed black men, Jay-Z rejected the league’s offer to have him perform at the Super Bowl in solidarity. And in...

12 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Aug 14, 2019.

Carlos Vela Earns The Dubious Honor Of Being MLS's All-Time Highest-Scoring Mexican

Carlos Vela Earns The Dubious Honor Of Being MLS's All-Time Highest-Scoring Mexican

With a deadlock-breaking goal from the penalty spot on Sunday in LAFC’s 4–2 win over the Red Bulls, Carlos Vela continued his season-long, Messi-like path of goal-induced destruction. The goal was his 23rd of the season, and his 37th overall in MLS, the latter stat making him the highest scoring Mexican the league has ever seen. Which is a little like being the highest scoring American...

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Aug 13, 2019. 15 comments

VAR Is Turning Everyone Into Cops

VAR Is Turning Everyone Into Cops

The opening weekend of the Premier League season was in some ways bittersweet—the sweetness provided by the return of the best league in the world, the bitterness from the sad end of England’s noble resistance to the scourge of VAR. To anyone expecting to witness the inherently corrosive effects of video replay play out in its English debut, this weekend unfortunately did not disappoint.

The...

15 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Aug 10, 2019. 17 comments

Naked Idiot On The Field Rings In The New Premier League Season With A Dong

Naked Idiot On The Field Rings In The New Premier League Season With A Dong

After a short summer break, the Premier League is back. Liverpool hosted Norwich City in the first match of the season today in a game that featured five goals, several wondrous feats of athleticism, and one pitch invader who made it onto the field just long enough to show the world his dick and ass crack.

The streaker made his way onto the pitch while still partially clothed, and though he...

17 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Aug 10, 2019. 9 comments

Report: Manchester United Manager Reamed Out Romelu Lukaku For Exposing That Luke Shaw Is Slow

Report: Manchester United Manager Reamed Out Romelu Lukaku For Exposing That Luke Shaw Is Slow

Romelu Lukaku has officially moved from Manchester United to Inter, which means it’s time for those deliciously juicy stories about how the relationship soured to start popping up. The Times has one particularly funny nugget, about how manager Ole Gunnar Solskjær subjected the Belgian to a “‘brutal’ verbal attack” because Lukaku accidentally outed teammate Luke Shaw as a slowpoke.

The issue...

9 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Aug 09, 2019. 2 comments

British Man Arrested For Racist Tweet About Mohamed Salah

British Man Arrested For Racist Tweet About Mohamed Salah

A 32-year-old Englishman was arrested this morning on suspicion of committing a hate crime for sending a tweet that, according to the Liverpool Echo, included “racist slurs and pictures” of Liverpool’s Egyptian forward, Mohamed Salah.

The specific language used in the tweet isn’t clear, since it has since been deleted, but the talk on social media seems to indicate that the photo depicted an...

2 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Aug 06, 2019. 11 comments

Harry Maguire Is The Best Manchester United Can Do

Harry Maguire Is The Best Manchester United Can Do

The fee itself, as gargantuan as it is, isn’t really an issue. Manchester United are one of the few clubs in the sport for which money truly is no object, and so their decision to break the defender transfer record is no cause for alarm. If there is an issue with the Red Devils paying Leicester City £80 million for center back Harry Maguire, though, it’s a matter of who, not what.

Maguire is...

11 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Aug 05, 2019. 12 comments

Alejandro Bedoya Scores Goal, Calls For Congress To "End Gun Violence"

Alejandro Bedoya Scores Goal, Calls For Congress To "End Gun Violence"

During the goal celebration after he scored in today’s D.C. United-Philadelphia Union match, Union midfielder Alejandro Bedoya picked up a pitch-side microphone and said into it,“Hey Congress, do something, now! End gun violence!”:

Bedoya’s words came after a weekend that saw two deadly mass shootings, one in El Paso, Texas , in which 20 people were killed, and another in Dayton, Ohio , where...

12 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Jul 31, 2019. 11 comments

Deadspin Up All Night: So Really, What The Fuck I Got To Lose?

Deadspin Up All Night: So Really, What The Fuck I Got To Lose?

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Can’t stop, won’t stop.

11 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Jul 26, 2019. 11 comments

Panthers Tight End Greg Olsen Is Getting A Raw Deal With This Generic Madden Face

Panthers Tight End Greg Olsen Is Getting A Raw Deal With This Generic Madden Face

Greg Olsen is a 12-year NFL veteran and a three-time Pro Bowler. He’s been one of the better tight ends in the league for the duration of his career. Madden 20 acknowledges all this by giving him a 89 overall rating, making Olsen the fifth-best tight end in the game. That makes it all the more strange as to why his Madden avatar bears absolutely no resemblance to the real Olsen, and instead...

11 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Jul 23, 2019. 6 comments

Hope Solo Petitions Court To Join USWNT's Equal Pay Mediation As The Designated Ass-Kicker

Hope Solo Petitions Court To Join USWNT's Equal Pay Mediation As The Designated Ass-Kicker

The USWNT will soon enter mediation with the U.S. Soccer Federation in an effort to resolve the team’s equal pay lawsuit . Former USWNT star Hope Solo is concerned about whether the current national team will have the kind of cussed hard-ass they’ll need on their side so that they don’t settle for anything less than total victory, and she has generously volunteered to be that person.

According...

6 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Jul 23, 2019. 7 comments

Josef Martínez's Hideous Penalty Kick Run-Up Ends In Humiliation

Josef Martínez's Hideous Penalty Kick Run-Up Ends In Humiliation
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The reward for Josef Martínez’s frankly insane penalty kick routine is an unreadable technique that makes it easy to best keepers from the spot, as evidenced by the Atlanta United forward’s 14-for-16 penalty record in MLS. The risk is that it makes him look like a huge weirdo and sets him up for ridicule when he...

7 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Jul 18, 2019. 5 comments

Zlatan Ibrahimović Ethers Carlos Vela

Zlatan Ibrahimović Ethers Carlos Vela

LAFC forward Carlos Vela has dominated MLS this year. Many believe this makes him the best player in the league. Zlatan Ibrahimović disagrees. After all, Vela might be the Messi of MLS , but as Zlatan astutely pointed out in an interview on ESPN in which he coolly savaged Vela’s career and the league itself, the operative word there is “MLS,” not “Messi”:

His goals are cool, but the real...

5 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Jul 15, 2019.

Deadspin Up All Night: Feel This Breeze

Deadspin Up All Night: Feel This Breeze

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Let’s go.

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Jul 13, 2019.

Deadspin Up All Night: You Will Never Understand It

Deadspin Up All Night: You Will Never Understand It

Thank your for your continued support of Deadspin. U-S-A! U-S-A!

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Jul 13, 2019.

What's The Most Baller Thing A President Can Do? Send A Boring Soccer Game To Penalties In The 63rd Minute.

What's The Most Baller Thing A President Can Do? Send A Boring Soccer Game To Penalties In The 63rd Minute.

Sometimes, you’re sitting around watching a drab draw and you’re like “Bruh, I wish y’all could wrap this up.” Sometimes, you’re also a country’s preeminent political leader, and you have the power to make it happen. Allegedly.

As Gazzetta World reports, Mohamed Ould Abdel Aziz, president of the Northwest African nation of Mauritania, was not digging the display before him during a Super Cup...

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Jul 12, 2019. 11 comments

Barcelona Sign New Player Antoine Griezmann, But Still Have The Same Old Problems

Barcelona Sign New Player Antoine Griezmann, But Still Have The Same Old Problems

The transfer that has been over a year in the making, and has felt basically inevitable for a couple months now, has now been completed. Antoine Griezmann is at last officially a Barcelona player.

Since the day Griezmann announced that he would be leaving Atlético Madrid this summer, his impending arrival at Barcelona has been something of an open secret. Barça and Grizi almost hooked up in...

11 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Jul 12, 2019.

Deadspin Up All Night: Your True Feelings

Deadspin Up All Night: Your True Feelings

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Let’s go.

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