LOADING ...

Billy Haisley's posts - English uPOST

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Oct 26, 2019. 7 comments

This Is The Face Of A Soccer Manager Who's Just Been Asked If A Nutty Comeback Win Is Better Than Nutting

This Is The Face Of A Soccer Manager Who's Just Been Asked If A Nutty Comeback Win Is Better Than Nutting

Heart-pounding scenes in England’s second division on Wednesday when Bristol City pulled off a thrilling last-minute comeback victory over Charlton Athletic. Bristol manager Lee Johnson spoke effusively after the match about what an “unbelievable feeling” it was, though he wasn’t quite ready for the interviewer’s perfectly logical final question, asking which is better: a last-gasp win or...

7 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Oct 25, 2019. 2 comments

Christian Pulisic Will Be Just Fine

Christian Pulisic Will Be Just Fine

This season cannot be going the way Christian Pulisic would’ve hoped. After a promising start to his Chelsea tenure , the American phenom’s status on the team took a nosedive. At its lowest point, Pulisic dropped from being a regular starter to arguably being the fifth winger on the roster, an often unused substitute that was sometimes not even given a spot on the bench. Since then, Pulisic...

2 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Oct 24, 2019. 1 comments

Lionel Messi Pulls Off One Of The Worst Misses Of His Career, Presumably To Prove He's Human

Lionel Messi Pulls Off One Of The Worst Misses Of His Career, Presumably To Prove He's Human

One downside to being the greatest player to ever kick a soccer ball has to be that people eventually take your greatness for granted. It’s all well and good to be referred to as a god or an alien, but conjure so many miracles over a long enough timespan, and the effect of your otherworldliness starts to wane.

In response to this phenomenon, one such god-alien hybrid might intentionally mess...

1 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Oct 24, 2019. 3 comments

Manchester City Are Practically Invincible When Raheem Sterling Is On His Shit

Manchester City Are Practically Invincible When Raheem Sterling Is On His Shit

The thing about Manchester City is that they don’t really have a best player. Well, they do have one—Kevin de Bruyne—but the team’s structure isn’t the sort where everything revolves around one guy, where shutting KDB down means shutting down the entire team. Instead, Man City possess a truly stupid number of exceptional players, any of whom on a given day could be the headsman at your team’s...

3 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Oct 23, 2019. 8 comments

Keeper Earns Record For The Fastest, And Probably The Dumbest, Red Card In League History

Keeper Earns Record For The Fastest, And Probably The Dumbest, Red Card In League History

Look at Konyaspor goalkeeper Serkan Kırıntılı here, just casually catching a ball while needlessly outside of his box a mere 13 seconds into Monday’s match against Yeni Malatyaspor, and in so doing setting a new Süper Lig record for the fastest red card ever. It’s hard to imagine a stupider way to get yourself sent off:

I don’t want to accuse Kırıntılı of any funny business, but if I did, it...

8 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Oct 18, 2019. 18 comments

Oh Great, La Liga Is Trying To Bring A Regular Season Game To Miami Again

Oh Great, La Liga Is Trying To Bring A Regular Season Game To Miami Again

A year ago, the dipshits in charge of Spain’s top soccer league and some dipshits on the American sports marketing scene conked their little pea-brains together and came up with a 15-year contract that would see one La Liga match played in the United States every season. Because the parties involved are, as previously mentioned, dipshits, their plan to bring a Barcelona-Girona match to Miami...

18 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Oct 16, 2019. 17 comments

Iron-Skulled Lad Scores Header From Beyond Halfway Line

Iron-Skulled Lad Scores Header From Beyond Halfway Line

I don’t care that this goal was only possible due to a goalkeeping boner. I don’t care that it was scored in England’s seventh division, where the pitches are much smaller than in the top leagues. I don’t even care that there’s zero chance the scorer meant to do what he did. Regardless of all that, Stefan Galinski of Basford United headed a ball more than half the length of the field and it...

17 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Oct 08, 2019. 8 comments

Deadspin Up All Night: Drunk Screaming "Can't We All Get Along"

Deadspin Up All Night: Drunk Screaming "Can't We All Get Along"

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Let’s go.

8 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Oct 04, 2019. 5 comments

Witness The Invention Of The Tandem Bicycle-Kick Goal

Witness The Invention Of The Tandem Bicycle-Kick Goal

Fans who showed up to Thailand’s pleasantly named 80th Birthday Stadium for Wednesday’s match between Nakhon Ratchasima and Buriram United were in for a treat when two Nakhon players executed a move no one watching had likely ever seen before: the tandem bicycle-kick goal.

Kitsada Hemvipat got credit for the goal on the scoresheet, which seems unfair to Leandro Assumpção’s...

5 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Oct 04, 2019. 15 comments

Manchester United Are The New Old Liverpool

Manchester United Are The New Old Liverpool

It’s been so bad for so long that it’s time to stop worrying about when or whether it would happen and just admit that it already has: Manchester United have Liverpool’d themselves.

In big-league soccer, clubs at the most elite level are supposed to be too big to fail. Because of the open nature of the sport’s player market and the almost literally inexhaustible funds available to the 10-ish...

15 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Oct 02, 2019. 12 comments

Brugge Player Scores Two Goals On Real Madrid Despite Twice Doo-Dooing Himself

Brugge Player Scores Two Goals On Real Madrid Despite Twice Doo-Dooing Himself
Your browser does not support HTML5 video tag.Click here to view original GIF

Even though Real Madrid have been ass all year, no one would’ve expected anything other than a comfortable win when the Blancos hosted Club Brugge in the Champions League today. And yet the Belgian team spent the vast majority of the match in winning position, thanks to two goals from Emmanuel Dennis, who somehow...

12 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Oct 01, 2019. 4 comments

Neymar Is The Savior PSG No Longer Want

Neymar Is The Savior PSG No Longer Want

Neymar’s hot , heavy , but ultimately unconsummated flirtations with Barcelona during this summer’s transfer window put Paris Saint-Germain in a bizarre position: the club would keep its biggest star—the second-best player in the world, the best hope to drive the team to Champions League glory—and yet would be absolutely miserable about it. Once the window closed, all the intrigue of PSG’s...

4 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Sep 25, 2019. 8 comments

Bernardo Silva Does A Racism Oopsie, Pep Guardiola Makes It Worse

Bernardo Silva Does A Racism Oopsie, Pep Guardiola Makes It Worse

What do you get when you mix an obscenely racist Spanish candy, a well-meaning but ill-advised joke tweet between Premier League teammates, and a manager who clearly doesn’t know anything about the history of racist imagery? Well, you get a racism scandal perfectly suited for 2019, with only a bag of delicious chocolate-covered peanuts to heal your pain.

This all started on Sunday, when...

8 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Sep 24, 2019. 12 comments

Deadspin Up All Night: Please Take It Easy

Deadspin Up All Night: Please Take It Easy

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Zip it up and zip it out.

12 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Sep 24, 2019. 11 comments

The Premier League Is Finally As "Bad" As La Liga

The Premier League Is Finally As "Bad" As La Liga

It’s more than a little ironic that the definitive proof that the Premier League truly is as comprehensively and inarguably supreme as its fanboys have long contended it to be has come in the exact form many of those same fanboys shitted on Spain for back when La Liga was top dog.

Manchester City and Liverpool are simply in another world when compared to their EPL competition. It’s been true...

11 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Sep 23, 2019. 11 comments

Look At This Butt Goal

Look At This Butt Goal
Your browser does not support HTML5 video tag.Click here to view original GIF

Own goals usually leave defenders red-faced, but the cheeks of Sparta Prague defender Michal Sáček’s ass were most likely the redder after his butt scored an own goal in Sunday’s match against Slavia Prague:

The rare butt boner.

h/t Barry

11 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Sep 21, 2019. 15 comments

Nutty Blackmail Plot Involves "Well-Known" Premier League Player Jumping Out Hotel Window Mid-Booty Call

Nutty Blackmail Plot Involves "Well-Known" Premier League Player Jumping Out Hotel Window Mid-Booty Call

When one Premier League player, whose name is being protected by the authorities, walked into Natalie Wood’s hotel room last year and began to undress, he must’ve believed he was only in for another night of fun and sex with the woman for whom he’d been cheating on his partner. Instead, before the pair got down to business, two men who, unbeknownst to the player, had been in cahoots with Wood...

15 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Sep 18, 2019. 16 comments

Lightning Strikes Jamaican Soccer Field, Sends Three Players To The Hospital

Lightning Strikes Jamaican Soccer Field, Sends Three Players To The Hospital
Your browser does not support HTML5 video tag.Click here to view original GIF

On Monday, a soccer match in Jamaica between Jamaica College and Wolmer’s Boys was suspended in the 84th minute after a bolt of lightning struck the pitch. The bolt’s impact sent several players to the ground, and a total of three players were taken to the hospital in the aftermath. Here’s video of the incident:

16 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Sep 16, 2019. 21 comments

Report: Drew Brees To Undergo Thumb Surgery, Expected To Be Out For Six Weeks

Report: Drew Brees To Undergo Thumb Surgery, Expected To Be Out For Six Weeks

After Drew Brees injured his hand in the Saints’ game against the Rams on Sunday, Adam Schefter is reporting that the quarterback will need surgery on his thumb, which is expected to keep him off the field for six weeks.

The injury occurred in the first quarter of the game, when Rams DT Aaron Donald reached up to bat down a Brees pass and the two men’s hands collided:

Teddy Bridgewater, the...

21 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Sep 14, 2019. 9 comments

Portuguese Soccer Teen Absolutely Cooks A Keeper With Filthy Spin Move

Portuguese Soccer Teen Absolutely Cooks A Keeper With Filthy Spin Move
Your browser does not support HTML5 video tag.Click here to view original GIF

If ever a soccer move deserved the Chris Berman “WHOOP!” sound, it’s the perfectly executed spin Francisca Nazareth hit the goalkeeper with before scoring Portugal’s fourth goal in a U19 friendly against Turkey. Rounding the keeper is one thing, but twirling her is something else entirely:

The Portuguese are ruthless .

9 Comments

Language