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Milo Minderbinder's posts - English uPOST

Milo Minderbinder Milo Minderbinder May 02, 2018.

Rebutting Sam Kinison

Rebutting Sam Kinison

Alphabet advice

Doesn't work for me because

I'm from UNC.

Milo Minderbinder Milo Minderbinder Apr 28, 2018.

Sexy Haiku: Fifty Shades of Brown

Sexy Haiku: Fifty Shades of Brown

My tastes are... different.

"Maybe you'd like to show me?"

Sure. Go grab a tarp.

Milo Minderbinder Milo Minderbinder Nov 28, 2017. 12 comments

The Adventures of Puddles, the Amazing Submarine Puppy

The Adventures of Puddles, the Amazing Submarine Puppy

Chapter 1: Introduction

Why, hello everyone! My name is Puddles, and I'm about to go on one heck of an adventure!

For the past few weeks, I've been living on a submarine. How, you ask? Well, it seems that my owner (who works on here) couldn't leave without his "best mate" in tow! He smuggled me aboard in his luggage, and by the time anyone discovered me, it was too late to send me back to...

12 Comments

Milo Minderbinder Milo Minderbinder Nov 12, 2017. 5 comments

It's All A Blur

It's All A Blur

The thing about having fucked up eyesight is that you only notice when someone else fills you in. If you break a limb or something like that, you have some sort of frame of reference to determine that something went wrong with you. You know there's not supposed to be pain, or swelling, or your tibia sticking out of your leg. But your eyes? You can do years of damage to them without ever...

5 Comments

Milo Minderbinder Milo Minderbinder Oct 16, 2017. 8 comments

Please Help Me Find My Baby

Please Help Me Find My Baby

Have any of you seen a baby laying around? I’m missing mine. His name is Paulinho (DON’T ASK). He’s seven months old, and if I don’t find him soon his mother is going to beat the piss out of me.

The problem with finding this baby is that he’s really stupid. You can call him “Paulinho,” “Lil’ Paul,” or even just “Fucking Baby” and he’s not going to respond. He usually just sits there doing...

8 Comments

Milo Minderbinder Milo Minderbinder Sep 06, 2017. 5 comments

Bear Report: February 23, 2015

Bear Report: February 23, 2015

And now it's time for another installment of Sidespin's Bear Report, a feature which provides an enlightening peek into the lives of Deadspin's unofficial mascot species. The Bear Report documents the habits and movements of a particular sleuth of Kodiak bears who make their home in a remote area of central Alaska. Today's installment takes place in the dead of winter, a very trying period...

5 Comments

Milo Minderbinder Milo Minderbinder Sep 06, 2017. 6 comments

Watch New Tampa Bay Rowdies Star Joe Cole Bend The Rules Of Physics In This Amazing Highlight Video

Watch New Tampa Bay Rowdies Star Joe Cole Bend The Rules Of Physics In This Amazing Highlight Video

If you’re a fan of American soccer, brace yourself- Joe Cole is coming stateside. Formerly of such prestigious clubs as mid-table giants Chelsea and 1966 World Cup champions West Ham United, the former England international announced today that he will soon take his mesmerizing dribbling skills and occasional ability to score to the North American Soccer League, and more specifically the...

6 Comments

Milo Minderbinder Milo Minderbinder Aug 17, 2017. 5 comments

Do You Buy Name-Brand Cereals? Congratulations: You're Part Of The Problem

Do You Buy Name-Brand Cereals? Congratulations: You're Part Of The Problem

Class Warfare isn’t a theory, everyone. It’s in practice as we speak. Or praxis, I guess. To be honest, I’m not really sure what the term “praxis” means.

Anyway, please be more conscientious (I don’t know what this word means either) of your purchasing choices as you buy your groceries from- holy shit, you go to Whole Foods? You hunk of shit.

5 Comments

Milo Minderbinder Milo Minderbinder Aug 25, 2016. 1 comments

BEYONCAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

BEYONCAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

1 Comments

Milo Minderbinder Milo Minderbinder Aug 24, 2016. 4 comments

Letters From The County Jail: Jake Cooper, Inmate #312B66

Letters From The County Jail: Jake Cooper, Inmate #312B66

The following is a letter, typed up in the format in which it was received, that we obtained as a result of a series of letters we sent to inmates contained in the less important locations of the North Carolina penal system (lol). The responses are voluntary in nature, and will hopefully shed light on the unique challenges that our nation’s prisoners (but not the really scary ones) suffer as...

4 Comments

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