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Prince Harry's posts - English uPOST

Apr 22, 2020. 14 comments

Breaking: JoJo Siwa Took Off Her Bow

Breaking: JoJo Siwa Took Off Her Bow

The Lord of the Rings movies begin with a prophecy, of sorts: “The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it.” Obviously, Galadriel refereed to the doom that awaited Middle-Earth. But it could have easily been applied to the cultural shift that happened yesterday when JoJo Siwa removed...

14 Comments

Apr 20, 2020. 12 comments

Bethenny Frankel Is Very Important, According to Important Person Bethenny Frankel

Bethenny Frankel Is Very Important, According to Important Person Bethenny Frankel

Between delivering over $17 million of PPE to healthcare workers and rather publicly obsessing about the Real Housewives of New York’s television ratings, Bethenny Frankel has a lot on her plate!

Page Six reports that the former Housewife slash Not-Housewife—depending on which seasons she chose to sit out—is privately throwing a fit over the allegation from producers that the cast will be...

12 Comments

Apr 20, 2020. 5 comments

Harry and Meghan Are Breaking Up With the U.K. Tabloids

Harry and Meghan Are Breaking Up With the U.K. Tabloids

Los Angeles

residents Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are adjusting to their American life the way all Brits handle a move to the New World: by burning their enemies to the ground. Metaphorically!

The Guardian reports that Harry and Meghan sent letters to a bunch of British tabloids, including the Sun, the Daily Mail, and the Mirror, affirming they would no longer answer any media inquiries...

5 Comments

Apr 16, 2020. 5 comments

The Only Post-Housewives Career Path Is Selling Overpriced Hand Sanitizer, Obviously!

The Only Post-Housewives Career Path Is Selling Overpriced Hand Sanitizer, Obviously!

Remember Heather Dubrow? The swear-word-averse plastic surgeon’s wife has spent the last few years after the Real Housewives of Orange County hosting a podcast, luxuriating in her $21 million home (complete with an entire wall of Veuve Clicquot), and shilling “luxury” hand sanitizers with her husband during a pandemic. She’s a driven businesswoman, clearly!

Page Six reports that the world’s...

5 Comments

Apr 16, 2020.

The Tabloids Are Not Alright

The Tabloids Are Not Alright

I don’t know what I expected when I cracked open this week’s Us Weekly. Perhaps, in the small, shriveled part of my brain that still believes in the capacity for change, I thought that the tabloids would be doing anything but telling me about Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt’s secret quarantine love shack. Luckily, the last few neurons keeping that dusty corner of my skull operating have now...

Apr 14, 2020. 17 comments

Introducing Harry and Meghan's Polished, Perfect, and Boring Replacement

Introducing Harry and Meghan's Polished, Perfect, and Boring Replacement
Royal TeaRoyal TeaNotes on monarchy from an unsourced obsessive

Between Harry and Meghan’s departure for Los Angeles and coronavirus, which has sidelined Queen Elizabeth from all but the most carefully choreographed virtual public appearances, there’s a big hole in the royal roster. Though Charles has reportedly argued for a more streamlined (read: smaller) monarchy for years, right now the...

17 Comments

Apr 14, 2020. 11 comments

What Was Martha Stewart Drinking While Thinking About These Chickens?

What Was Martha Stewart Drinking While Thinking About These Chickens?

I don’t use Instagram all that much, but when I do decide to punish myself with one of those Instagram Lives everyone seems to be streaming lately, I’m thinking I’ll follow more chicken-centric accounts. Why? Martha Stewart’s drunken commenting!

While perusing the Best Little Hen House in Texas account over the weekend—which is about chickens, in case you were unsure—Stewart offered up what...

11 Comments

Apr 13, 2020. 18 comments

What Else Is Jane Goodall Hiding?

What Else Is Jane Goodall Hiding?

Are you familiar with Prince Harry? Have you heard of Meghan Markle? Perhaps you might know they

have a son , Archie. Could you perhaps also possibly be aware they have left England and renounced their status as royals? If not, well, now you are, and if you were also previously unaware, allow me to inform you that whole ‘renouncing their status as royals’ thing was like a really, really big...

18 Comments

Apr 08, 2020. 9 comments

A Bond Villain, and Other Things the Name of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry's New Charity Sounds Like

A Bond Villain, and Other Things the Name of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry's New Charity Sounds Like

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry—ever heard of ‘em? After recently moving to Los Angeles, so that Markle can finally wear yoga pants again and maybe relaunch her lifestyle website, the ex-royals have unveiled the next chapter in their lives: A charity. That’s great! Unfortunately, it’s called Archewell, which sounds like a secretive bio-pharmaceutical lab in Resident Evil.

The Telegraph reports...

9 Comments

Mar 31, 2020. 13 comments

Adele and Skepta Maybe Broke Up—Or Maybe They Didn't!

Adele and Skepta Maybe Broke Up—Or Maybe They Didn't!

I understand, in my heart and mind, that Adele and grime icon Skepta are probably not dating. The thought of it is absurd, and makes me laugh when I consider it for longer than I probably should. But what if they were dating? What if they had secretly squirreled away months in private? Could two people this famous hide all those beachside sabbaticals, ski vacations, and late-night drives to...

13 Comments

Mar 30, 2020. 22 comments

It Seems the President Isn't Happy About Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's New U.S. Residence

It Seems the President Isn't Happy About Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's New U.S. Residence

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle

officially live in Hollywood, having moved from Canada to Los Angeles as the Oracle foretold. Many of us are thrilled to have Meghan home. Not Donald Trump!

Trump took time from tweeting about his death circus’s big TV numbers to tweet about Harry and Meghan and their new digs stateside. It seems he does not want the United States to pay for their security...

22 Comments

Mar 27, 2020. 12 comments

Britney Spears Didn't Really Beat Usain Bolt's World Record

Britney Spears Didn't Really Beat Usain Bolt's World Record

In a now-deleted Instagram post from Thursday, pop princess and fitness icon

Britney Spears posted a screenshot of a stopwatch app along with a caption that appeared to claim that she had run 100 meters in 5.97 seconds. For those of us who do not stay up to date on the latest track & field records, the current world record for the 100-meter dash is held by Usain Bolt, who set the record back...

12 Comments

Mar 12, 2020. 5 comments

Meghan Markle's Tabloid Transformation From Darling Princess to Scheming Temptress

Meghan Markle's Tabloid Transformation From Darling Princess to Scheming Temptress

On July 15, 2019, Us Weekly published a glowing retelling of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s royal tour through Africa. The magazine breathlessly compared their trip to Princess Diana’s famous 1997 walk through a minefield in Angola, and claimed the newlyweds were “continuing Diana’s work.” With the pedestal Harry’s late mother still occupies in the American (and British) imagination, the...

5 Comments

Mar 11, 2020. 20 comments

Harry and Meghan and William and Kate are Never, Ever Getting Back Together

Harry and Meghan and William and Kate are Never, Ever Getting Back Together

When Tolstoy wrote, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way,” in the opening moments of Anna Karenina, I’m beginning to think he was lying to me.

Sources tell Us Weekly that Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle, and their less famous husbands William and Harry, have no interest in reconciling any time in the conceivable future. As if this would come as a...

20 Comments

Mar 08, 2020. 13 comments

Justin Bieber's Cat's Escape Thwarted by Sandra Lee

Justin Bieber's Cat's Escape Thwarted by Sandra Lee

Everyone can rest easy now for Justin Bieber has been reunited with his cat Sushi after it survived what appears to be an extremely harrowing attempt to pull a reverse-Homeward Bound. Where Chance, Shadow, and Sassy overcame unforeseen dangers in their quest to reunite with their owners, fording a river and escaping from bears, it appears Sushi was doing quite the opposite, roughing it in the...

13 Comments

Mar 06, 2020. 9 comments

Megan Thee Stallion Went on ESPN to Be a Little Shady

Megan Thee Stallion Went on ESPN to Be a Little Shady

The battle between

Megan Thee Stallion and her label , 1501 Certified Entertainment, continued today as Megan made an appearance on ESPN’s First Take to chat about her career. I too was initially confused as to why Meg was being interviewed on ESPN (a channel I had previously been led to believe is primarily about sports and the Scripps National spelling bee), but the appearance was likely a...

9 Comments

Mar 02, 2020. 6 comments

Meghan Markle Is Going to the Met Gala

Meghan Markle Is Going to the Met Gala

I am fully in for the Markles’ (yes, that’s how I will be referring to them, henceforth) pivot from British celebrity to (North) American celebrity, as is the true spirit of the American Revolution. Not only is Meghan Markle

reportedly trying to get back into acting, she’ll be making an appearance at the Met Gala this year. Whoever gets to share an illicit bathroom cigarette with her is...

6 Comments

Mar 02, 2020. 5 comments

Let Lizzie McGuire Fuck, You Cowards!

Let Lizzie McGuire Fuck, You Cowards!

When the

news first broke that actress, singer, and HelloFresh ambassador Hilary Duff would be reprising her role as Lizzie McGuire for a reboot of the character’s eponymous TV show, which taught everyone (but primarily the girls and the gays) about what life was like for a teen growing up in the early aughts, everyone (but primarily the girls and the gays), lost their minds.

The show, which...

5 Comments

Feb 26, 2020. 7 comments

Can Jennifer Garner's New Boyfriend Fall Back For a Sec?

Can Jennifer Garner's New Boyfriend Fall Back For a Sec?

Ben Affleck is being open and bold and free with his feelings on his current press tour for The Way Back, which is nice to see. Everyone should be open with their feelings, especially if you are a famous person with a back tattoo who has spent the majority of your career doing the opposite. Sometimes those feelings make other people feel bad, most notably Jennifer Garner and her new man, John...

7 Comments

Feb 24, 2020. 8 comments

Canadian Millennials Forced to Rename Their Blog

Canadian Millennials Forced to Rename Their Blog

On Friday, somewhat counter-intuitively, our favorite Canadian bloggers Prince Harry and Meghan Markle took to their website, sussexroyal.com, to announce they would be abandoning the term “Sussex Royal,” a hit for the former duke and dutchess’s attempt to keep the brand strong. In a nearly 1,200-word post, the couple expressed anger at a new agreement which will prevent them from identifying...

8 Comments

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