LOADING ...

Prince Harry's posts - English uPOST

Feb 19, 2020 at 21:00.

Looks Like the Sussex Royals Are Going to Have to Get a New Website

Looks Like the Sussex Royals Are Going to Have to Get a New Website

The Markles recently rebranded from Actual Royals to Sussex Royals, having semi-dumped the royal family to seek independent fame and fortune in the New World. Unfortunately, it sounds like they will have to rebrand yet again. A logistical nightmare, indeed.

According to the Daily Mail, the Queen has banned Harry and Meghan from using “Sussex Royal” as their new moniker, even though the couple...

Feb 18, 2020 at 00:35. 1 comments

Harry & Meghan Continue to Be the Good Royals

Harry & Meghan Continue to Be the Good Royals

Now that the Markles are newly emancipated-ish from the constraints of Official Royalty and settling on this side of the Atlantic, they appear pretty intent on further separating themselves from all the wack shit happening across the pond. Like, for instance, Prince Andrew’s 60th birthday party, which seems to be happening even as federal prosecutors attempt to investigate his relationship...

1 Comments

Feb 14, 2020 at 08:49. 18 comments

Jane Fonda is Done With Plastic Surgery

Jane Fonda is Done With Plastic Surgery

Jane Fonda is done with plastic surgery. The 82 year old activist and actress has rarely hesitated to talk about her experiences going under the knife in the past (except for that one time when she potentially almost fought Megyn Kelly for asking her about it) but in a recent interview with Elle Canada, Fonda announced she was finished.

“I can’t pretend that I’m not vain, but there isn’t...

18 Comments

Feb 12, 2020. 6 comments

Once Again, Let's Circle Around Justin Timberlake and Point at Him Some More

Once Again, Let's Circle Around Justin Timberlake and Point at Him Some More

Justin Timberlake is very sorry for what he put wife Jessica Biel through after rudely rubbing up on co-star Alisha Wainwright during a drunken night out last year, in no small part because we’ve spent most of the time since circled up and pointing at him. Shame is a powerful weapon, it seems!

Us Weekly reports that the former pop star, current failed country music star slash actor, is...

6 Comments

Feb 10, 2020. 7 comments

Greta Gerwig and Her Green-Clad Coven Stormed the Oscars Afterparties

Greta Gerwig and Her Green-Clad Coven Stormed the Oscars Afterparties

In her hit song “Best Friends,” former kid pop star Sophia Grace announced: “I’m your number one girl, I’m your best friend/And I’ll always be there, right ‘til the end/Sophia Grace got your back, just know that/And that’s the reason why I’m rappin’ on this hot track.” And while I cannot verify if this is true or not, I’m almost positive that Greta Gerwig and her own best friends listened to...

7 Comments

Feb 09, 2020. 19 comments

Can Prince Harry Be My Dad?

Can Prince Harry Be My Dad?

The dad fish from Finding Nemo, Mufasa from The Lion King, Liam Neeson in Taken, Will Smith in The Pursuit of Happyness, Chris Hemsworth from Instagram — these are some truly great dads (their real life counterparts, maybe not so much ). Sure, they’re mostly fictionalized and two out of five are literally cartoon characters, but it’s pretty impossible to look at this collection of paternal...

19 Comments

Feb 06, 2020. 22 comments

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry Trade Canadian Vistas for Los Angeles Strip Malls

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry Trade Canadian Vistas for Los Angeles Strip Malls

Canada is nice, but Disney CEO Bob Iger is not in Canada, nor is the sprawling infrastructure of Hollywood’s voiceover studios. There’s also a lack of sun in Canada, and hot pavement, and strip mall parking lots. (Please don’t tell me if I am wrong, because I genuinely do not care.) And while I don’t currently have the data to back this up, I believe you’re statistically less likely to get...

22 Comments

Feb 06, 2020. 17 comments

Behold, Erykah Badu's Vagina Scent

Behold, Erykah Badu's Vagina Scent

When shopping for perfume, it’s important to know what you want in a scent. When your lover buries their face into your neck, do you want them to think of flowers? When you’re walking down the street, do you want passersby to catch a whiff of citrus? “You smell great, what is that?” a co-worker will ask. “Erykah Badu’s vagina,” you’ll say, winking.

The singer announced her new (to us)...

17 Comments

Feb 04, 2020. 13 comments

Megan Thee Stallion Would Like Everyone to Know She Is Not Dating G-Eazy

Megan Thee Stallion Would Like Everyone to Know She Is Not Dating G-Eazy

For once, the rumors are thankfully not true. Breathe easy, because everyone was wrong! That thing you were so worried about never came around, and the outcomes that were giving you anxiety are nothing to fear. No longer will you lay in bed at night, wrapped up in your own delusions and misapprehensions. It’s fine! Everything is literally OK. The world, at last, can go back to the way it...

13 Comments

Feb 02, 2020. 14 comments

Gabrielle Union for Valedictorian, Class President, and Best All Around

Gabrielle Union for Valedictorian, Class President, and Best All Around

DeAndre Arnold, a senior at Barbers Hill High School in Mont Belvieu, Texas was told he wouldn’t be allowed to walk in his high school graduation because his dreadlocks were too long and therefore in violation of the school’s dress code. This is, of course, ultimately just further evidence of the many ways arbitrary guidelines put in place to assert a fictionalized concept of professionalism...

14 Comments

Jan 30, 2020. 11 comments

Ciara—Pregnant!

Ciara—Pregnant!

Usually I start these things with some sort of heartwarming story, or diatribe about an abstract concept, but today I have nothing! I’m just generally very happy for Ciara and husband Russell Wilson, two probably good people who had another good thing happen to them—a baby!

On Instagram this morning, Ciara announced her third pregnancy, and second child with Wilson, in a vacation shot from...

11 Comments

Jan 27, 2020. 8 comments

Do You Think Priyanka Chopra Helped Nick Jonas Clean His Teeth at the Grammys?

Do You Think Priyanka Chopra Helped Nick Jonas Clean His Teeth at the Grammys?

Did you hear about something called the Grammys last night ? They were apparently a big deal , or so I’m told . Not for Nick Jonas, though! The Disney alum and wife guy performed with his brothers—Joe and the other one—with a bunch of food in his teeth. Nick’s response? Who cares!

While singing along to a song called “What a Man Gotta Do,” Nick Jonas didn’t do the one thing men should do,...

8 Comments

Joan Summers Joan Summers Jan 21, 2020. 23 comments

Welcome to Canada, Dude!

Welcome to Canada, Dude!

On a Vancouver Island airport runway early Tuesday morning, a former-but-still-kinda royal stepped off a WestJet plane, grinning like a schoolboy because his wife, her dogs, and their baby were waiting for him in Canada.

Page Six reports that Harry, formerly Prince Harry, formerly the hottest royal man in the UK, has officially fled Buckingham Palace for sunnier skies or whatever the weather...

23 Comments

Justice Namaste Justice Namaste Jan 20, 2020. 11 comments

Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt Got Divorced Fifteen Years Ago

Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt Got Divorced Fifteen Years Ago

Sure, people keep telling me it’s a “new” year, but I would like to politely voice my disagreement because there is a remarkable amount of evidence that we’re actually moving backwards in time. Take this: Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt are back in the news again, primarily because of the work of one brilliant Getty photographer who managed to capture this shot of the former couple backstage...

11 Comments

Joan Summers Joan Summers Jan 16, 2020. 5 comments

Gigi Hadid Will Definitely Not Be An Impartial Juror at Weinstein Trial

Gigi Hadid Will Definitely Not Be An Impartial Juror at Weinstein Trial

After showing up Monday for jury selection in Harvey Weinstein’s sexual assault trial, Gigi Hadid disclosed to lawyers conducting the jury selection that her close friend, Cara Delevingne, was among the women who’ve accused Weinstein of sexual harassment. She then returned to court this morning, where lawyers once again dismissed her.

Page Six reports that the model was photographed entering...

5 Comments

Lauren Evans Lauren Evans Jan 16, 2020. 16 comments

Does Megxit Mean No Royal Stipend Or What?

Does Megxit Mean No Royal Stipend Or What?

When the earth finally runs out of drinkable water and habitable space, we’ll have to subsist on the one resource we know for sure will remain abundant into the next millennium: Megxit news. It’s not so bad if you salt it!

It today’s late edition news, it seems Prince Charles is “livid” about Meghan and Harry’s decision to run away from royal life, which is maybe a slight improvement from...

16 Comments

Joan Summers Joan Summers Jan 15, 2020. 6 comments

Megxit Twist! Meghan Markle's Dad Will Testify Against Her in Tabloid Lawsuit

Megxit Twist! Meghan Markle's Dad Will Testify Against Her in Tabloid Lawsuit

Thomas Markle has become quite the aficionado of navigating the gossip press. In his brief tenure as one of the more obviously bad dads around he has: Peddled staged photos of himself looking sad with the paparazzi; sold his daughter’s secrets,; and fueled the racist conflagration that consumed her life in the U.K. than any member of her family, The Diary Of Princess Pushy author Samantha...

6 Comments

Joan Summers Joan Summers Jan 14, 2020. 11 comments

Meghan Markle Would Rather Just Text You

Meghan Markle Would Rather Just Text You

Meghan Markle has fled the royal palace. Camped out on Vancouver Island with son Archie, she awaits the arrival of her betrothed so the two can finally begin their new lives as influencers and rich charity donors—perhaps even wellness bloggers! The Queen, exerting her last drops of strength to keep Prince Harry in the U.K., held a summit in Sandringham yesterday, where she expected Markle to...

11 Comments

Joan Summers Joan Summers Jan 13, 2020. 20 comments

Royals Don't Bully People, According to Some Royals

Royals Don't Bully People, According to Some Royals

If my name was William, and I had a younger brother named Harry, I would probably bully him! That just seems like the sort of thing someone named William would do, especially if their younger brother was named Harry, and both were extravagantly wealthy members of the monarchy, primed to subjugate others by the assertion that their family is more important than everyone else.

Unfortunately,...

20 Comments

Rebecca Fishbein Rebecca Fishbein Jan 13, 2020. 19 comments

Elton John Now Implicated in Megxit

Elton John Now Implicated in Megxit

As the fallout from last week’s explosive Megxit news continues to wreak havoc on royal families and group chats worldwide, it’s worth taking stock of which celebrities are and are not involved in Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s decision to “step back” from being official senior members of the royal family. For instance, (allegedly) not involved : Oprah. Involved: Elton John. Elton John!

19 Comments

Language