LOADING ...

love is dead's posts - English uPOST

Joan Summers Joan Summers Jan 23, 2020 at 21:40.

Channing Tatum Has Popped, Locked, and Dropped Back Into Jessie J's Arms!

Channing Tatum Has Popped, Locked, and Dropped Back Into Jessie J's Arms!

Can you hear it— the collective wailing of thousands of prospective brunettes across Los Angeles upon reading the news that Channing Tatum is back together with Jessie J? Their sad dirge haunts me, even from some 3000 miles away, and fills me with an indescribable longing. Will those mourners ever find comfort? Unlikely. But, Raya is a bustling app, and I’m sure they’ll end up with some rich...

Rebecca Fishbein Rebecca Fishbein Jan 15, 2020. 20 comments

Man Challenges Ex-Wife, Lawyer to a Duel

Man Challenges Ex-Wife, Lawyer to a Duel

In what is somehow one of the least bonkers stories in this week’s news cycle, a Kansas man requested that a judge in Iowa allow him to engage in a trial by combat against his ex-wife and her attorney, apparently because they had “destroyed (him) legally.” He would also like the judge to give him enough time to pick up a few Japanese samurai swords for the aforementioned combat, which seems...

20 Comments

Rebecca Fishbein Rebecca Fishbein Jan 15, 2020. 9 comments

Vanessa Hudgens and Austin Butler Are Done

Vanessa Hudgens and Austin Butler Are Done

I’m sorry to report that Vanessa Hudgens and Austin Butler have broken up, after nearly nine years and one act of federal property damage together.

Us Weekly got the news from an “insider,” who confirmed the split. “Vanessa and Austin are officially broken up, and Vanessa has been telling those close to her about their breakup,” the source told the tabloid. Apparently, they hadn’t popped up...

9 Comments

Joan Summers Joan Summers Dec 20, 2019. 6 comments

A List of People Who Vaguely Resemble Jenna Dewan That Channing Tatum Should Date Next

A List of People Who Vaguely Resemble Jenna Dewan That Channing Tatum Should Date Next

A tale as old as time, a song as old as rhyme: Rich men divorce their first wives for progressively younger women, especially ones that sort of resemble their exes. Channing Tatum especially! When he split with Jenna Dewan after nine years together in April 2018, Tatum moved on to Jessie J, who was eight years younger and sort of looked like Dewan—if you spun around a few times and squinted a...

6 Comments

Lisa Fischer Lisa Fischer Dec 19, 2019.

A Decade in Love Is Dead

A Decade in Love Is Dead

Love has blossomed, died , been re-animated , and died again so many times during the past decade that it can be hard to keep track of who is still together and who has moved way, way on.

In the video above, Jezebel walks through some of the most shocking, heartbreaking, and necessary breakups of the 2010s. From Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens to Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner to Ariana...

Rebecca Fishbein Rebecca Fishbein Nov 26, 2019. 13 comments

Please Do Not Break Up With Me Unless You're Going to Pay a Celebrity to Do It

Please Do Not Break Up With Me Unless You're Going to Pay a Celebrity to Do It

When I was a sophomore in college, the guy I was dating broke up with me by reading to me from Descartes’s Meditations on Philosophy, a move so cryptic and weird I actually didn’t realize he had dumped me until several weeks later. I tell this story often as an example of an outrageous breakup, but it pales in comparison to the work of one Cheyenne, who allegedly paid Sugar Ray’s Mark McGrath...

13 Comments

Emily Alford Emily Alford Sep 23, 2019.

Miley and Kaitlynn Are Over

Miley and Kaitlynn Are Over

As late summer fades to early fall, the blossom of Miley Cyrus and Kaitlynn Carter’s love has withered on the vine. Yet the pair will always have the warm embrace of the Italian sun and tens of thousands of paparazzi photographs to immortalize the brief season of their love.

According to People, the two were friends long before they began holding hands while wearing matching mom jeans, and...

Rebecca Fishbein Rebecca Fishbein Aug 21, 2019. 22 comments

Ladies, Larry King Is Single Again

Ladies, Larry King Is Single Again

Larry King is back on the market.

Page Six reports that King has filed for divorce from Shawn King, his wife of 22 years who is not this Shaun King, which confused me for a second. The couple have reportedly been separated since June, and King cited “irreconcilable differences” as the reason for the split.

Shawn King is King’s seventh wife, and though their union stuck for the longest,...

22 Comments

Rebecca Fishbein Rebecca Fishbein Aug 14, 2019. 24 comments

Miley and Liam Seem Exhausting, Honestly

Miley and Liam Seem Exhausting, Honestly

We’ve all known that couple or been that couple that keeps breaking up, then parade around their problems and very public hookups and sweep all their friends up in their drama before they inevitably get back together and make everyone come over for brunch. I can’t help but shake the feeling that Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth are one such couple, and it seems like their “friends,” or at least...

24 Comments

Rebecca Fishbein Rebecca Fishbein Aug 07, 2019. 16 comments

Queer Eye's Antoni Is Single Again

Queer Eye's Antoni Is Single Again

The game of love is rough indeed, even for expert avocado salad-crafters, and sadly, it appears Queer Eye’s Antoni Porowski has lost another round. As a rare apologist for Antoni, a man who validated my habit of cooking plain shredded chicken for dinner and calling it gourmet, I am genuinely upset!

According to Page Six, Porowski has split with Flipping Out’s Trace Lehnhoff following an...

16 Comments

Jul 24, 2019. 15 comments

RIP Bughead: An Ode to Cole Sprouse and Lili Reinhart’s Relationship, Gone Too Soon

RIP Bughead: An Ode to Cole Sprouse and Lili Reinhart’s Relationship, Gone Too Soon

After two magical years of being very good-looking people in a relationship both on and off screen, Cole Sprouse , a.k.a. Jughead on Riverdale , and Lili Reinhart, Betty Cooper on the same dramatic teen television program, have broken up. “Lili and Cole broke up earlier this summer,” an unnamed source dedicated to ruining my day told E! News. “The two are not living together this season,”...

15 Comments

Maria Sherman Maria Sherman Jul 19, 2019. 15 comments

A Tiny Guide to Bella Thorne and Tana Mongeau's Freshly Thawed Breakup Beef

A Tiny Guide to Bella Thorne and Tana Mongeau's Freshly Thawed Breakup Beef

Teen celeb reporter here, signing on. The latest—and in my opinion, whenever Bella Thorne is involved, the greatest—beef to hit a certain subset of Gen Z internet involves Thorne and YouTuber Tana Mongeau.

Here’s what you need to know: Thorne and Mongeau were part of a throuple with the Pig Pen-esque aspiring rapper Mod Sun last year, the details of which were never quite clear. Currently,...

15 Comments

Rebecca Fishbein Rebecca Fishbein Jun 12, 2019. 22 comments

Single Bradley Cooper Washes Hair, Hits the Town, As Single People Do

Single Bradley Cooper Washes Hair, Hits the Town, As Single People Do

Bradley Cooper is single now, which is news I will only truly find interesting if he and the suspiciously also recently-single Lady Gaga run off together to become a pair of roving sexy cabaret singers, or, better, to live out the rest of their days on a very private island stocked only with sexy pianos. But for those of you who do find delight and/or despair in this story, the tabloids...

22 Comments

Maria Sherman Maria Sherman May 23, 2019. 11 comments

Kendall Jenner and Ben Simmons, a.k.a Bendall, Have Broken Up

Kendall Jenner and Ben Simmons, a.k.a Bendall, Have Broken Up

R.I.P. Bendall. Love is dead.

Supermodel Kendall Jenner and Philadelphia 76ers basketball player Ben Simmons have broken up. According to Yahoo!, the pair called it quits after they began dating last summer and brought us such hits as “If Kendall Jenner Is Going To Drexel Basketball Games With Ben Simmons, It Really Is True Love ” and “Kendall Jenner and Ben Simmons Had Dinner at a New Jersey...

11 Comments

Maria Sherman Maria Sherman Apr 26, 2019. 19 comments

Jake Gyllenhaal Has Many Beautiful Pictures of Himself

Jake Gyllenhaal Has Many Beautiful Pictures of Himself

According to the best piece of celebrity gossip I’ve heard this year and possibly ever, Jake Gyllenhaal’s taste in art might be more confounding than that of his art critic character, Morf Vandewalt, in the Netflix thriller Velvet Buzzsaw . Apparently he is serially having portraits of himself framed?

From Page Six:

A Page Six spy recently overheard a conversation in a downtown art framing...

19 Comments

Rebecca Fishbein Rebecca Fishbein Apr 20, 2019. 22 comments

I'm Sorry to Report That Adele and Michelle Williams Are Both Single Now

I'm Sorry to Report That Adele and Michelle Williams Are Both Single Now

This is a dark day for heartwarming celebrity relationships.

According to People, Michelle Williams has split with Phil Elverum, of The Microphones and Mount Eerie. Williams and Elverum wed in a secret ceremony over the summer, news my mother found so lovely she called me to tell me about it. Unfortunately, the marriage did not last:

“Michelle and Phil separated at the beginning of the year....

22 Comments

Rebecca Fishbein Rebecca Fishbein Apr 17, 2019. 17 comments

It's Officially, Officially Over for Dina Lohan and Her Internet Boyfriend

It's Officially, Officially Over for Dina Lohan and Her Internet Boyfriend

I was under the impression things were already over between Dina Lohan and her internet boyfriend, but it appears now things are REALLY over. What a journey it’s been for us all.

According to Page Six, Jesse Nadler, an alleged “ladies’ man” whom Lohan met online but never IRL, officially broke up with her on Monday night. “It’s over,” he told the tabloid. “Broke it off.” His explanation re:...

17 Comments

Maria Sherman Maria Sherman Apr 16, 2019. 12 comments

R.I.P. Young Love: Bella Thorne and Mod Sun Have Broken Up

R.I.P. Young Love: Bella Thorne and Mod Sun Have Broken Up

It’s official: Bella Thorne is single, baby!

According to Billboard, Thorne and her rapper boyfriend Mod Sun (real name Derek Smith, but affectionately referred to as “Pig-Pen” in my group chat) have split ways after two long years of dating. Bella broke the news in a slightly hilarious Instagram image with the not-so-silly caption, “I will always love you. All good things must come to an...

12 Comments

Rebecca Fishbein Rebecca Fishbein Feb 20, 2019. 22 comments

Khloé Kardashian & Tristan Thompson Are Done

Khloé Kardashian & Tristan Thompson Are Done

Khloé Kardashian has dumped Tristan Thompson, according to a report in TMZ. Why? He (allegedly) cheated, duh . But this time it’s real bad (allegedly).

Indeed, it seems Thompson (allegedly) cheated on Kardashian with none other than Jordyn Woods, a model and/or Instagram person who just happens to be best friends with Kylie Jenner. Apparently, he spent Valentine’s Day with Khloé, but Sunday...

22 Comments

Megan Reynolds Megan Reynolds Jan 24, 2019. 18 comments

Love Is Dead Because Sweethearts Candy Hearts Are Gone

Love Is Dead Because Sweethearts Candy Hearts Are Gone

Valentine’s Day is a social construct that exists to remind people of either their crushing loneliness or that their relationship is past its expiration date, ideally while letting the chalky sweetness of a conversation heart melt on their tongue, mingled with tears. This year, for the first time in 153 years, that time-honored tradition will be no more. Ah! Egads! Help!

Necco, the candy...

18 Comments

Language