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Apr 28, 2020. 14 comments

Felicity Huffman's Daughter Accepted to Carnegie Mellon Without Mom's Felonious Meddling

Felicity Huffman's Daughter Accepted to Carnegie Mellon Without Mom's Felonious Meddling

There is some small justice, as a child, in proving to your parents that you are capable of doing things on your own. Unfortunately for Sophia May, the daughter of Felicity Huffman, that overly familiar family drama had to play out on the global stage when her phony college test scores were splashed across the pages of gossip magazines and federal court depositions. But finally, May is...

14 Comments

Apr 27, 2020. 5 comments

Jessie J Thinks Channing Tatum Is a 'Special Man' But No, They're Not Getting Back Together

Jessie J Thinks Channing Tatum Is a 'Special Man' But No, They're Not Getting Back Together

Channing Tatum and Jessie J are

sometimes dating , and sometimes broken up and trawling Raya, but no matter whose arms they find themselves in, he will always be her special, beautiful man. Maybe she shouldn’t lead with that though, if her special man has any hopes of finding her look-a-like replacement !

On Instagram Stories Sunday, the occasional pop star posted an unusually long tribute to...

5 Comments

Apr 27, 2020. 9 comments

Of Course Mike Tyson Might Have Bought His Tigers From Joe Exotic

Of Course Mike Tyson Might Have Bought His Tigers From Joe Exotic

I have yet to watch

Tiger King on Netflix because I am notoriously late to the game when it comes to things I should be watching on TV. Typically, my body and spirit will decide it’s time for me to finally dive into something roughly two to three months after everyone has stopped talking about it and as such, it seems like I might not get around to watching Tiger King until 2025.

Based on the...

9 Comments

Apr 26, 2020. 14 comments

I Would Like to Meet the Ghost Haunting Jennifer Coolidge's Bathroom

I Would Like to Meet the Ghost Haunting Jennifer Coolidge's Bathroom

“This is my impression of that actress from Legally Blonde,” a random TikToker essentially shouted at me a few days ago through my phone screen before diving into an impression that did Paulette Bonafonté absolutely no justice whatsoever. I am slightly ashamed, but not too proud to admit, that I have spent some time scrolling through

TikTok in recent weeks, however, this was the thing that...

14 Comments

Apr 24, 2020. 4 comments

2 Chainz Isn't Letting the Virus Tell Him What to Do

2 Chainz Isn't Letting the Virus Tell Him What to Do

As Georgia takes the ill-advised step of reopening its businesses following a pandemic-related lockdown, Tauheed “2 Chainz” Epps isn’t about to let public health concerns stymie a money-making opportunity. According to TMZ, the rapper is planning to reopen his two Atlanta-area franchises, Escobar Restaurant and Tapas, for dine-in services. Since the shutdown, Escobar has been doing take-out...

4 Comments

Apr 20, 2020. 8 comments

Tiffany Haddish Likes Small Penises, Which Makes Sense!

Tiffany Haddish Likes Small Penises, Which Makes Sense!

There’s a lot of conjecture inherent in the discourse surrounding dick size. Is bigger better? Is smaller more manageable? What about a curve? And then those categories get even further broken down. Is bigger a question of length or girth, and is longer better than wider? What are the appropriate metrics here? There’s a lot to consider! It’s a topic of conversation so pervasive and necessary...

8 Comments

Apr 19, 2020. 5 comments

So Leslie Jordan Started a Dylan McDermott Fan Club

So Leslie Jordan Started a Dylan McDermott Fan Club

Leslie Jordan is, in many ways, everything I hope to be when I grow up. He’s been slapped by Megan Mullally, had an eye scooped out by Frances Conroy, and apparently Faye Dunaway once told him he reminded her of Tennessee Williams. Of course, that might have just been Dunaway’s way of flagging that she had a gay friend but, when you’re Faye Dunaway, I imagine that’s a given.

However, although...

5 Comments

Apr 14, 2020. 11 comments

What Was Martha Stewart Drinking While Thinking About These Chickens?

What Was Martha Stewart Drinking While Thinking About These Chickens?

I don’t use Instagram all that much, but when I do decide to punish myself with one of those Instagram Lives everyone seems to be streaming lately, I’m thinking I’ll follow more chicken-centric accounts. Why? Martha Stewart’s drunken commenting!

While perusing the Best Little Hen House in Texas account over the weekend—which is about chickens, in case you were unsure—Stewart offered up what...

11 Comments

Apr 13, 2020. 15 comments

Lizzo Shaking Her Ass for Charity? Not on Diddy's Watch!

Lizzo Shaking Her Ass for Charity? Not on Diddy's Watch!

If more people shook their asses for charity, and also Jesus, on Easter Sunday, I’m sure the coffers of churches would be filled beyond capacity. But that’s just my opinion! I have no religious authority, and I have not been ordained in the real world, my imagination, or even my nightmares. But I have been to enough Easter Sunday services—with those horrid crackers and stale Welch’s grape...

15 Comments

Apr 13, 2020. 18 comments

What Else Is Jane Goodall Hiding?

What Else Is Jane Goodall Hiding?

Are you familiar with Prince Harry? Have you heard of Meghan Markle? Perhaps you might know they

have a son , Archie. Could you perhaps also possibly be aware they have left England and renounced their status as royals? If not, well, now you are, and if you were also previously unaware, allow me to inform you that whole ‘renouncing their status as royals’ thing was like a really, really big...

18 Comments

Apr 12, 2020. 6 comments

Can I Please Smoke Weed and Drink Champagne With Rihanna Now?

Can I Please Smoke Weed and Drink Champagne With Rihanna Now?

As a surprise to absolutely no one, social distancing with Rihanna looks like a total fucking blast, and I would very much like to find myself locked in a mansion with her drinking champagne and smoking week for the foreseeable future. Unfortunately, because I am me and not someone who is actually friends with Rihanna, that doesn’t really seem feasible for me at this current juncture of my...

6 Comments

Apr 07, 2020. 20 comments

Would You Self-Isolate With Your Ex-Husband?

Would You Self-Isolate With Your Ex-Husband?

Demi Moore and Bruce Willis are mostly fine, if her recent memoir Inside Out is anything to be believed. Unlike her split with alleged lothario Ashton Kutcher, Moore has claimed that she is “proud of her divorce” from Willis, even going so far as to attend his vow renewal with his new wife Emma Heming last March. Still, self-isolation together, for a near-indefinite amount of time? Seems bad,...

20 Comments

Mar 30, 2020. 17 comments

There Could Be 100 People in a Room and Apparently None of Them Are Paying the Joanne Trattoria Staff

There Could Be 100 People in a Room and Apparently None of Them Are Paying the Joanne Trattoria Staff

I’ve never been to Joanne Trattoria, the Upper West Side restaurant owned by Joe Germanotta, perhaps better known as Lady Gaga’s dad, although I have friends who’ve made pilgrimages to it as though it were some kind of gay landmark in New York City. From my understanding, Joanne Trattoria serves very adequate Italian food, which is all well and good considering my favorite Italian dining...

17 Comments

Mar 29, 2020. 10 comments

Will Someone Please Consider Wendy Williams's Boobs in All of This

Will Someone Please Consider Wendy Williams's Boobs in All of This

Wendy Williams, faux-cigarette

smoker , literal shit talker , and self-described bon vivant (have we figured out if she’s figured out what that means yet?) is a woman with her finger on the pulse of what’s going on in the entertainment world. Or, at least, she’s a woman with her finger on the pulse of what she thinks about what’s going on in the entertainment world. And, if you’ve got a TV...

10 Comments

Mar 23, 2020. 6 comments

Angela Bassett, Joe Biden, and Rihanna Walk Into a Club

Angela Bassett, Joe Biden, and Rihanna Walk Into a Club

“Angela Bassett is here,” said DJ D-Nice just moments after I jumped on his live stream set around 9 p.m. Saturday night. It appeared Bassett and I had joined at about the same time. For a brief moment, he even paused the music for her, “Angela Bassett is in here partying with us right now. Angela, we love you!”

Not too long after that, Tracee Ellis Ross joined us, although I think she might...

6 Comments

Mar 22, 2020. 21 comments

It Looks Like Taylor Swift Was Telling the Truth About Kanye West the Whole Time

It Looks Like Taylor Swift Was Telling the Truth About Kanye West the Whole Time

One of the shockingly underreported side effects of covid-19, whether you have it or not, is the total and complete loss of one’s ability to accurately observe and understand the passage of time. For example, today I woke up and thought, Tuesday, again!? Before realizing it was Saturday and was, therefore, time to blog. Upon logging on to the internet I’ve realized that the individual ability...

21 Comments

Mar 20, 2020. 10 comments

Elsewhere, Britney Spears is Doing Beach Yoga

Elsewhere, Britney Spears is Doing Beach Yoga

Every so often, it’s nice to jump down the rabbit hole and into the alternate dimension that is Britney Spears’s Instagram. Somewhere, right now, she is asking boyfriend slash photographer Sam Asghari to film her while she spins around on a cliffside, or poses at the foot of her grand staircase in a bandage dress from 2009. When the world is falling apart, I count on people like Spears to...

10 Comments

Mar 16, 2020. 14 comments

Bethenny Frankel Put Her Foot on the Necks of American Billionaires

Bethenny Frankel Put Her Foot on the Necks of American Billionaires

Bethenny Frankel is not playing games with America’s billionaire class and took to Twitter to tell them to either post up or shut up, okay! The reality TV star, entrepreneur, and more recently humanitarian relief leader, has been doing quite a bit of work on relief efforts around the world through her charity, bstrong, and now she’s set her sights on assisting with coronavirus outbreak in the...

14 Comments

Mar 15, 2020. 10 comments

Naomi Campbell Is the Queen of Social Distancing

Naomi Campbell Is the Queen of Social Distancing

“Thank you god we made it home,” Naomi Campbell shouts into an empty terminal at JFK at the beginning of a YouTube video she filmed about her now epochal

airport hazmat suit and the trip that inspired it. Coincidentally, it is also what I shouted when I made it home from the grocery store yesterday, although no cameras were around to catch it.

Lest you not be aware, I am here to tell you that...

10 Comments

Mar 13, 2020. 11 comments

What Am I Gonna Do Without Wendy Williams to Hate-Watch?

What Am I Gonna Do Without Wendy Williams to Hate-Watch?

It seems like everyone, across every corner of the American entertainment industry, is shutting down production. It’s the sensible—and civically responsible—thing to do. And for much of the recent news cycle, which also saw hosted television shows limit audience members, I didn’t mind much that there’d be less Jimmy Fallon to watch on television. But this morning is different. Wendy Williams...

11 Comments

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