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Drew Magary Drew Magary Sep 05, 2019. 22 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: New England Patriots

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: New England Patriots

Some people are fans of the New England Patriots. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New England Patriots. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews here.

Your team: Orchids of Asia. Real change of pace for someone in this organization to have THEIR dick grabbed!

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22 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Sep 03, 2019. 9 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Los Angeles Rams

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Los Angeles Rams

Some people are fans of the Los Angeles Rams. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Los Angeles Rams. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: GUHHHHHHHHHHH

Your 2018 record: 13-3. NFC Champions. Huh. That 13-3 reminds me of ANOTHER 13-3 somewhere out there. What 13-3 could that be? Oh yes, right…

Three points....

9 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Aug 30, 2019. 10 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: New Orleans Saints

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: New Orleans Saints

Some people are fans of the New Orleans Saints. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New Orleans Saints. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.


Your team:

Your 2018 record: ROLL THE TAPE!

While the Saints and their fans spend the rest of eternity wallowing in their own victimhood, let’s quickly take note of...

10 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Aug 30, 2019. 23 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Kansas City Chiefs

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Kansas City Chiefs

Some people are fans of the Kansas City Chiefs. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Kansas City Chiefs. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Kansas City Chiefs.

Your 2018 record: 12-4. Third-highest scoring team in NFL history. Best Chiefs team of my lifetime. Home field advantage through the...

23 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Aug 29, 2019. 24 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Los Angeles Chargers

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Los Angeles Chargers

Some people are fans of the Los Angeles Chargers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Los Angeles Chargers. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Los Angeles Chargers.

Your 2018 record: 12-4. I’m still not over how this C-List Batman villain of a team went out in the playoffs. The Chargers crushed the...

24 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Aug 27, 2019. 24 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Dallas Cowboys

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Dallas Cowboys

Some people are fans of the Dallas Cowboys. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Dallas Cowboys. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Dallas Cowboys.

Your 2018 record: 10-6. These Cowboys overachieved and won the NFC East last season. They also somehow got good value out of giving up an oil baron’s ransom...

24 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Aug 27, 2019. 11 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Indianapolis Colts

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Indianapolis Colts

Some people are fans of the Indianapolis Colts. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Indianapolis Colts. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: You killed him.

Your 2018 record: 10-6. After a 1-5 start where it looked like new head coach Frank Reich was in way over his head (and he was ), the Colts ripped...

11 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Aug 23, 2019. 24 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Philadelphia Eagles

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Philadelphia Eagles

Some people are fans of the Philadelphia Eagles. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Philadelphia Eagles. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.


Your team: Philadelphia Eagles.

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 Your 2018 record: 9-7. Let’s see how it ended!

Oh that’s right!...

24 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Aug 22, 2019. 7 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Chicago Bears

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Chicago Bears

Some people are fans of the Chicago Bears. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Chicago Bears. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Doinkity-doink -doink!

Your 2018 record: DOINK AND DOINK. Our DOINK, who art in DOINK, hallowed be thy DOINK-DOINK…

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7 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Aug 22, 2019. 17 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Houston Texans

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Houston Texans

Some people are fans of the Houston Texans. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Houston Texans. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.


Your team: Houston Texans.

Your 2018 record: 11-5. AFC South champions. This came after an 0-3 start in which the Texans blew a game against the eventual Super Bowl champs because...

17 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Aug 21, 2019. 10 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Baltimore Ravens

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Baltimore Ravens

Some people are fans of the Baltimore Ravens. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Baltimore Ravens. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Baltimore Ravens

Your 2018 record: 10-6. Division title. Playoff berth. Changing of the guard at QB. Let’s see how it all ended!

Oh right, you got trampled...

10 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Aug 20, 2019. 10 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Seattle Seahawks

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Seattle Seahawks

Some people are fans of the Seattle Seahawks. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Seattle Seahawks. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Seattle Seahawks.

Your 2018 record: 10-6, with a 6-1 finish. It was supposed to be a rebuilding year for this dilapidated shitpile, but it turned out that the Seahawks...

10 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Aug 17, 2019. 11 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Pittsburgh Steelers

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Pittsburgh Steelers

Some people are fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Pittsburgh Steelers.

Your 2018 record: 9-6-1. You thought they made the playoffs last year, right? So did they, amigo, so did they. Last year I wondered out loud if...

11 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Aug 15, 2019. 24 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Tennessee Titans

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Tennessee Titans

Some people are fans of the Tennessee Titans. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tennessee Titans. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Tennessee Titans.

Your 2018 record: 9-7. The Titans could have made the playoffs for a second year in a row. All they had to do was beat the Colts at home in Week 17 …...

24 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Aug 15, 2019. 6 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Minnesota Vikings

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Minnesota Vikings

Some people are fans of the Minnesota Vikings. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Minnesota Vikings. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Minnesota Vikings.

Your 2018 record: 8-7-1. This team had Super Bowl aspirations after GM Rick Spielman, who looks like a televangelist who does vanity HGH treatments,...

6 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Aug 13, 2019. 22 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Cleveland Browns

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Cleveland Browns

Some people are fans of the Cleveland Browns. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Cleveland Browns. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Cleveland Browns.

Your 2018 record: 7-8-1. And now, ladies and gentlemen, a set-up … The Browns gave up on both Corey Coleman and Josh Gordon, trading them away. They...

22 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Aug 12, 2019. 21 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Carolina Panthers

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Carolina Panthers

Some people are fans of the Carolina Panthers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Carolina Panthers. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Carolina Panthers.

Your 2018 record: 7-9. This is how it works. This is how it has always worked. The Panthers consistently alternate, on annual basis, between being a...

21 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Aug 09, 2019. 23 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Washington Redskins

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Washington Redskins

Some people are fans of the Washington Redskins. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Washington Redskins. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Pathetic.

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Your 2018 record: Does it even really matter? The Skins could go 14-2 and...

23 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Aug 09, 2019. 21 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Atlanta Falcons

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Atlanta Falcons

Some people are fans of the Atlanta Falcons. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Atlanta Falcons. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Atlanta Falcons. Second-best football team in their own stadium.

Your 2018 record: 7-9. That includes a 1-4 start, followed later by a five-game skid. Almost like there’s...

21 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Aug 08, 2019. 11 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Miami Dolphins

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Miami Dolphins

Some people are fans of the Miami Dolphins. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Miami Dolphins. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Miami Dolphins.

Your 2018 record: 7-9.

I’m floored this team won seven games. I really am. It’s a legitimate accomplishment given that this team’s resting state is “What if...

11 Comments

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