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Dan McQuade Dan McQuade Jul 11, 2019. 6 comments

The USWNT Put On A Show At Today’s Victory Parade

The USWNT Put On A Show At Today’s Victory Parade

The United States women’s national soccer team cruised through the World Cup , winning every game all while getting slammed for being too arrogant . They’ve now been celebrating for about three days , including today’s ticker-tape parade through the streets of Manhattan.

The parade was nominally a celebration of the World Cup team’s win, but it turned into a bit of a rally for the team’s gender...

6 Comments

Patrick Redford Patrick Redford Jul 10, 2019. 17 comments

USWNT Uses Equal Pay Lawsuit As Confetti For Parade; Allie Long Eats A Page

USWNT Uses Equal Pay Lawsuit As Confetti For Parade; Allie Long Eats A Page

The World Cup-winning USWNT is currently parading its way through New York City and continuing the bender that began immediately after the women dispatched the Netherlands on Sunday. Today’s highlights include the entire team pounding Ace of Spades at 8:40 a.m., backup goalkeeper and unofficial team documentary director Ashlyn Harris announcing the team’s presence on a float by shouting,...

17 Comments

Lauren Theisen Lauren Theisen Jul 08, 2019. 8 comments

Here Are The Best Photos From The USWNT's Victory Celebration

Here Are The Best Photos From The USWNT's Victory Celebration

Plenty of reactions to the USWNT’s spectacular defense of its World Cup focused on the future—this team’s ability to change the world, influence the next generations, and affect national conversations. While correct, those thoughts also miss a crucial component of the U.S.’s unprecedented fourth-ever run to World Cup glory: It was fun as hell to watch.

The tournament started with a 13-0...

8 Comments

Patrick Redford Patrick Redford Jul 04, 2019. 22 comments

Megan Rapinoe To Critics Of USWNT Celebrations: "Wah Wah Wah"

Megan Rapinoe To Critics Of USWNT Celebrations: "Wah Wah Wah"

The United States Women’s National Team—a squad headed to the World Cup Final this weekend —has spent the duration of the tournament kicking ass and having fun. England—a squad not headed to the World Cup Final—have spent the last week of the tournament wringing their hands over the USWNT’s habit of scoring cool goals, having fun, and behaving like the tournament favorites , and they seemed...

22 Comments

Patrick Redford Patrick Redford Jul 02, 2019. 21 comments

Nation With Zero Women's World Cups Thinks Defending Champs Are Too Arrogant

Nation With Zero Women's World Cups Thinks Defending Champs Are Too Arrogant

The United States women’s national team—three World Cups and four Olympic gold medals to their name—will meet England—zero of either—tomorrow afternoon in Lyon to decide who plays in Sunday’s final, and the English seem rather perturbed with the brimming confidence shown by the Americans.

We begin with the Daily Mail—Pravda for people named Fauntleroy—whose Monday edition dedicated a full...

21 Comments

Lauren Theisen Lauren Theisen Jun 29, 2019. 24 comments

Purple-Haired Lesbian Goddess Flattens France Like A Crêpe

Purple-Haired Lesbian Goddess Flattens France Like A Crêpe

Megan Rapinoe has spent this week enduring Swiss-cheese brained criticism from some powerful haters , but today, after the USWNT’s 2-1 victory over France, there can be no slander against her. Rapinoe scored the first two goals of the game—and the only ones for the U.S.—as she piloted her national team through their toughest opponent of the World Cup.

Rapinoe’s night began in perfect fashion...

24 Comments

Lauren Theisen Lauren Theisen Jun 28, 2019. 19 comments

Lucy Bronze's Stunning Goal Completes England's Demolition Of Norway

Lucy Bronze's Stunning Goal Completes England's Demolition Of Norway

England had themselves a chill afternoon in the quarterfinals against Norway, scoring twice in the first half and once a little later on to beat the Norwegians 3-0 and advance to the semifinals, where they’ll face the winners of Friday’s game between the USWNT and France. But before they worry about that crucible on Tuesday, England can take a few moments to celebrate its spectacular play in...

19 Comments

Lauren Theisen Lauren Theisen Jun 26, 2019. 23 comments

An Unlucky Handball Sends Japan Out Of The World Cup

An Unlucky Handball Sends Japan Out Of The World Cup

An exhilarating World Cup round of 16 rematch between the Netherlands and Japan got decided in favor of the Dutch in the 90th minute, thanks to a penalty kick converted by forward Lieke Martens. The PK gave the Dutch a 2-1 win over the same team that kicked them out of the 2015 World Cup, and it put them in the quarterfinals for the first time in their history.

Japan will exit the tournament...

23 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Jun 25, 2019. 18 comments

Canada Must Wait Four More Years To Discover What It Might Be Like To Win Big In The World Cup

Canada Must Wait Four More Years To Discover What It Might Be Like To Win Big In The World Cup

When former Canadian national team player and current TSN pundit Kaylyn Kyle criticized the USWNT for their goal celebrations during the historic 13-0 win over Thailand by saying, “I think, as a Canadian, we would just never ever think about doing something like that,” it raised the question of whether it were true that a Canadian national team would behave more nobly should they find...

18 Comments

Lauren Theisen Lauren Theisen Jun 25, 2019. 17 comments

A Pair Of Megan Rapinoe Penalties Sent A Shaky USWNT To The Quarterfinals

A Pair Of Megan Rapinoe Penalties Sent A Shaky USWNT To The Quarterfinals

It wasn’t the type of breezy victory that defined the USWNT’s run through the group stage, but in their first knockout game of the 2019 World Cup, the U.S. gutted out a tough, unpretty 2-1 victory against Spain in which two Megan Rapinoe penalties outweighed one disastrous defensive mistake.

The first two goals of the match came early, with the Americans getting on the board swiftly. After a...

17 Comments

Kinja Kinja Jun 24, 2019. 22 comments

Here's What Every Member Of The USMNT Has To Say About U.S. Soccer's Wage Inequality

Here's What Every Member Of The USMNT Has To Say About U.S. Soccer's Wage Inequality

When the United States Women’s National Team takes the field for their World Cup knockout-round game against Spain today, they will try to forget everything else: their personal drama, their fears, their ambitions. Oh, and the gender discrimination lawsuit they filed against U.S. Soccer, the sport’s governing body. The class action lawsuit claims that the women’s team are paid about a...

22 Comments

Lauren Theisen Lauren Theisen Jun 24, 2019. 21 comments

VAR Has One Job, And It's Failing Miserably At It

VAR Has One Job, And It's Failing Miserably At It

The most common complaint against VAR—or any form of video review in sports—in one of aesthetics. If referees insist on stopping the game for several minutes to double check every key play, the thinking goes, all the drama and intensity and emotion of the biggest moments will be lost, and the celebrations of fans will be replaced by hesitance and trepidation while they wait to confirm that...

21 Comments

Patrick Redford Patrick Redford Jun 22, 2019. 11 comments

The USWNT Got Sweet Revenge, But Now The Real Work Starts

The USWNT Got Sweet Revenge, But Now The Real Work Starts

One could mount an argument that the United States’ long-term interests at this here World Cup would have been better served had they thrown their group-stage finale against Sweden yesterday and given themselves an easier path to the final. Let your opponents win Group F and let them deal with the French in the quarterfinals. Take your chances on the easier side of the bracket and try to make...

11 Comments

Lauren Theisen Lauren Theisen Jun 21, 2019. 12 comments

Tobin Heath Declares War On Sweden, Wins

Tobin Heath Declares War On Sweden, Wins

It’s truly a crime that we missed out on 90 minutes of Tobin Heath in the U.S.’s last game against Chile, but today against Sweden, the magical American winger came back with a vengeance. In the 50th minute, Heath’s deadly feet took on an overmatched opponent in Sweden defender Jonna Andersson and orchestrated an own goal to double the U.S. lead. Heath got the ball from a tricky angle, but...

12 Comments

Lauren Theisen Lauren Theisen Jun 20, 2019. 20 comments

The End Of Argentina-Scotland Was A Fucking Mess

The End Of Argentina-Scotland Was A Fucking Mess

Scotland just had to defend a 3-0 lead over the final 20 minutes of their match on Wednesday against Argentina in order to make it to the knockout stage of the World Cup. They couldn’t do it, and as a result will exit their first World Cup after just three games.

Argentina’s second-half charge to a 3-3 draw started off thrilling but concluded with a messy, confusing anti-climax that played...

20 Comments

Lauren Theisen Lauren Theisen Jun 18, 2019. 21 comments

Nigeria Got Screwed Over By Some Ticky-Tack VAR Bullshit

Nigeria Got Screwed Over By Some Ticky-Tack VAR Bullshit

Nigeria were not eliminated from the World Cup on Monday afternoon, but their hopes of advancing to the knockout stages took a hit when, after a pair of VAR reviews, Wendie Renard knocked home a PK in the 79th minute to break a scoreless draw and give France a 1-0 win.

The messiness began in the 73rd minute with a foul in the box by Nigeria’s Ngozi Ebere, which, after a delay for the VAR...

21 Comments

Patrick Redford Patrick Redford Jun 12, 2019. 21 comments

Rob Stone Suggests The USWNT Should've Eased Up, Gets Soundly Rejected

Rob Stone Suggests The USWNT Should've Eased Up, Gets Soundly Rejected

The USWNT had just put the finishing touches on the most lopsided beatdown in the history of the World Cup when Fox Sports analyst Rob Stone put his foot into his mouth in the name of sportsmanship.

After Alexi Lalas correctly pointed out that the U.S. women were right to keep their collective foot on the gas pedal, Stone claimed it was disrespectful for them to continue to try and score...

21 Comments

Patrick Redford Patrick Redford Jun 11, 2019. 19 comments

Hope Solo Says USWNT Coach Jill Ellis Is A Bad Leader Who Can't Handle Pressure

Hope Solo Says USWNT Coach Jill Ellis Is A Bad Leader Who Can't Handle Pressure

Days before the United States women’s national team begins their World Cup defense, Hope Solo has stirred up some drama. The former USWNT goalkeeper joined the BBC’s Football Daily podcast over the weekend to discuss her former team’s chances, and when asked about coach Jill Ellis’s lineups, she said, “I don’t agree a lot with Jill Ellis, to be quite honest.”

Solo continued, saying Ellis was...

19 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar May 30, 2019. 8 comments

Daniele De Rossi Was Roma, Until The Very End

Daniele De Rossi Was Roma, Until The Very End

Daniele De Rossi’s Roma career ended with a fittingly meaningless win in front of his adoring fans. More than any other player in this current era of the Giallorossi, De Rossi symbolized the duality of the team’s good-but-not-quite-good-enough nature. In his 17 seasons at the Italian capital, De Rossi was a key part of a handful of solid Roma teams that pushed better-funded and more talented...

8 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Apr 26, 2019.

Spain's Goalkeeper Mortified After Giving Up World Cup-Ending Goal

Spain's Goalkeeper Mortified After Giving Up World Cup-Ending Goal

Yeah, that has to suck.

Spain aren’t going out of this World Cup because of keeper Ainhoa Tirapu’s questionable positioning here, which lead to an errant South Korean cross floating over Tirapu’s fingertips and hitting the net, giving the Taegeuk Nangja the 2-1 advantage that carried them into the knockout rounds. No, the larger fault lies with their eminently Spanish tendency in each of their...

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