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Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Oct 31, 2019. 10 comments

Seattle Sounders Advance To MLS Cup, Rewarding Fans Who Stood Up To Those In Power

Seattle Sounders Advance To MLS Cup, Rewarding Fans Who Stood Up To Those In Power

After a season of fighting

MLS’s draconian Code of Conduct , Seattle Sounders fans can celebrate a berth in the MLS Cup. Following Seattle’s 3-1 victory over LAFC, the Iron Front flag will surely find its way into the league’s final match of the year, much to the chagrin of those who desired profits over protests.

LAFC jumped out to an early lead on Tuesday, as expected. Eduard Atuesta tallied...

10 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Oct 29, 2019. 7 comments

Arsenal Are Imploding

Arsenal Are Imploding

What should’ve been, and what almost was, a desperately needed victory instead became more reason for acrimony and turmoil. A floundering Arsenal hosted Crystal Palace on Sunday, and after jumping out to a 2–0 lead early on, the Gunners threw away their advantage and wound up settling for a draw. From the result itself, to the context in which it came, to the fans’ reaction to what is shaping...

7 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Oct 29, 2019.

German Sunday League Player Knocks Referee Out Cold After Receiving Red Card

German Sunday League Player Knocks Referee Out Cold After Receiving Red Card

It’s not clear what this unidentified player did to earn a red card in a German amateur soccer match between FSV Münster and TV Smend, but he definitely deserved a red and even more for his reaction to the card, which was to punch the referee’s lights out:

According to the Echo, match officials immediately stopped the game and called the police. When medical help arrived, the medics had to...

Patrick Redford Patrick Redford Oct 28, 2019. 15 comments

Sergiño Dest Announces He Will Play For USMNT

Sergiño Dest Announces He Will Play For USMNT

The USMNT is currently

looking like wet slop , Gregg Berhalter seems like a bad coach, and, until last weekend , Christian Pulisic was not earning as much playing time as he wanted over at Chelsea. It has been a bad month all told, especially with the future of the program’s best dual national suddenly up for grabs. Sergiño Dest ominously declined a USMNT call-up earlier this month,...

15 Comments

Gabe Fernandez Gabe Fernandez Oct 27, 2019. 3 comments

Report: Young Southampton Fan Somehow Still Believes In Team, Even After 9-0 Loss To Leicester

Report: Young Southampton Fan Somehow Still Believes In Team, Even After 9-0 Loss To Leicester

At least one Southampton supporter was still behind the team well into a rout that ended up tying the record for largest victory in Premier League history: a 13-year-old named Tom. It’d be easy for any young teenager to jump ship from a team that they just witnessed be on the wrong end of a 9-0 loss, but Tom’s father Mike told the BBC that his son was surprisingly not swayed from wanting to...

3 Comments

Gabe Fernandez Gabe Fernandez Oct 27, 2019. 14 comments

Christian Pulisic Finally Scored His First Premier League Goal [Updates]

Christian Pulisic Finally Scored His First Premier League Goal [Updates]

American superstar Christian Pulisic made the most of his position in Chelsea’s starting lineup against Burnley on Saturday. A little over 20 minutes into the match, the wunderkind found himself on a breakaway with just on defender to his side. After slowing down to allow another Burnley defender to catch up and make the angle necessary for a goal that much more difficult, Pulisic slotted his...

14 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Oct 26, 2019. 3 comments

The USWNT Is Making The Best And Easiest Choice For Its Next Manager

The USWNT Is Making The Best And Easiest Choice For Its Next Manager

For once, U.S. Soccer is doing something smart. The federation confirmed that it will announce the next manager of the USWNT on Monday, and multiple reports, including from Sports Illustrated’s Grant Wahl, say the choice is going to be Reign FC boss Vlatko Andonovski. Rejoice, because this is the right choice.

When manager Jill Ellis stepped down from the gig shortly after the World Cup,...

3 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Oct 25, 2019. 2 comments

Carlos Vela And LAFC Finally Overcame Zlatan And The LA Galaxy

Carlos Vela And LAFC Finally Overcame Zlatan And The LA Galaxy

LAFC finally did it. After three draws and two losses in five tries, the younger brother of Los Angeles triumphed over its bullying older sibling on Thursday night, defeating the LA Galaxy 5–3 and advancing to the Western Conference finals. It was the most hyped edition of

El Tráfico  yet, with the highest of stakes on the biggest of stages. The match itself, which has quickly become the...

2 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Oct 25, 2019. 2 comments

Christian Pulisic Will Be Just Fine

Christian Pulisic Will Be Just Fine

This season cannot be going the way Christian Pulisic would’ve hoped. After a promising

start to his Chelsea tenure , the American phenom’s status on the team took a nosedive. At its lowest point, Pulisic dropped from being a regular starter to arguably being the fifth winger on the roster, an often unused substitute that was sometimes not even given a spot on the bench. Since then, Pulisic...

2 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Oct 24, 2019. 2 comments

NYCFC Blew It Again, As Is Tradition

NYCFC Blew It Again, As Is Tradition

NYCFC, a team that looked like an MLS Cup contender during the regular season, has found itself out of the playoffs at the conference semifinals. That sentence was true in 2016, 2017, 2018, and was made true in humiliating fashion once again after NYCFC lost to Toronto on Wednesday night.

There was a whole game before the 88th minute, but the 88th minute will probably be the only thing about...

2 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Oct 24, 2019. 1 comments

Lionel Messi Pulls Off One Of The Worst Misses Of His Career, Presumably To Prove He's Human

Lionel Messi Pulls Off One Of The Worst Misses Of His Career, Presumably To Prove He's Human

One downside to being the greatest player to ever kick a soccer ball has to be that people eventually take your greatness for granted. It’s all well and good to be referred to as a god or an alien, but conjure so many miracles over a long enough timespan, and the effect of your otherworldliness starts to wane.

In response to this phenomenon, one such god-alien hybrid might intentionally mess...

1 Comments

Patrick Redford Patrick Redford Oct 24, 2019. 9 comments

Feast Your Eyes On This Unholy, Perfect Goal

Feast Your Eyes On This Unholy, Perfect Goal

Every soccer player probably dreams about hitting a ball as perfectly as Marcel Sabitzer did today against Zenit. Not only did the Austrian uncork this breathtaking outside-boot curler in an actual game, the goal wound up winning RB Leipzig a Champions League group stage match. Look at the devilish outside-in bend on this beauty and tell me he could have smacked this one any better.

In other...

9 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Oct 24, 2019. 3 comments

Manchester City Are Practically Invincible When Raheem Sterling Is On His Shit

Manchester City Are Practically Invincible When Raheem Sterling Is On His Shit

The thing about Manchester City is that they don’t really have a best player. Well, they do have one—Kevin de Bruyne—but the team’s structure isn’t the sort where everything revolves around one guy, where shutting KDB down means shutting down the entire team. Instead, Man City possess a truly stupid number of exceptional players, any of whom on a given day could be the headsman at your team’s...

3 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Oct 24, 2019. 5 comments

Suspected Olympiakos Fans Invade Stadium, Leave Four Bayern Munich Fans Bloody During U-21 Match

Suspected Olympiakos Fans Invade Stadium, Leave Four Bayern Munich Fans Bloody During U-21 Match

Before Bayern Munich and Olympiakos faced off in the Champions League on Tuesday, mayhem broke out during a match between the clubs’ respective U-21 sides in Athens. In the 84th minute of the UEFA Youth League match between the sides, a stadium invasion left four Bayern fans bloody and injured.

The Greek City Times reported that “80 men, many in motorcycle helmets or armed with clubs” were...

5 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Oct 23, 2019. 14 comments

Kylian Mbappé Is The Future, And The Future Is Now

Kylian Mbappé Is The Future, And The Future Is Now

Kylian Mbappé is faster than the wind, scores more goals than everyone except the man

they call God , wins titles galore for club and country, and is already one of the three or four best players in the world. And still, the most difficult fact to wrap one’s mind around is that the guy is only 20 years old.

A 20-year-old is supposed to be one for the future. Because of that, it’s easy to view...

14 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Oct 23, 2019.

Playing Against Atlético In Madrid Is Hell

Playing Against Atlético In Madrid Is Hell

It’s not profound analysis to say Atlético Madrid are

good defensively , but Bayer Leverkusen were reminded of the one inexorable truth of soccer in the teams’ Champions League match on Tuesday: playing an away match against the Colchoneros fucking sucks.

While Atlético’s road games are often painful watches for neutrals—an already hyper-defensive team usually turtles up even more when...

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Oct 23, 2019. 8 comments

Keeper Earns Record For The Fastest, And Probably The Dumbest, Red Card In League History

Keeper Earns Record For The Fastest, And Probably The Dumbest, Red Card In League History

Look at Konyaspor goalkeeper Serkan Kırıntılı here, just casually catching a ball while needlessly outside of his box a mere 13 seconds into Monday’s match against Yeni Malatyaspor, and in so doing setting a new Süper Lig record for the fastest red card ever. It’s hard to imagine a stupider way to get yourself sent off:

I don’t want to accuse Kırıntılı of any funny business, but if I did, it...

8 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Oct 22, 2019. 17 comments

The First Round Of MLS Playoffs Was Beautiful Chaos

The First Round Of MLS Playoffs Was Beautiful Chaos
Photo: Vaughn Ridley (Getty Images)

Every single game of MLS’s opening weekend of playoffs was a glorious mess. There were six matchups in the first round, and five of the six ended in one-goal wins; the one exception finished 5–1, but only after one team scored four goals in an extra time that the other team had forced with a stoppage-time goal at the very end of regulation. The wild weekend...

17 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Oct 18, 2019. 18 comments

Oh Great, La Liga Is Trying To Bring A Regular Season Game To Miami Again

Oh Great, La Liga Is Trying To Bring A Regular Season Game To Miami Again

A year ago, the dipshits in charge of Spain’s top soccer league and some dipshits on the American sports marketing scene conked their little pea-brains together and

came up with a 15-year contract that would see one La Liga match played in the United States every season. Because the parties involved are, as previously mentioned, dipshits, their plan to bring a Barcelona-Girona match to Miami...

18 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Oct 17, 2019. 23 comments

The USMNT Is An Absolute Joke, And It's All U.S. Soccer's Fault

The USMNT Is An Absolute Joke, And It's All U.S. Soccer's Fault

There’s a good chance that a significant number of people reading this article weren’t even alive the last time Canada beat the United States in soccer, on April 2, 1985. Thirty-four years later, and almost exactly two years since

the atrocity in Couva , the USMNT has once again fallen to our neighbors to the north Tuesday night, in doing so hitting yet another low point for a soccer program...

23 Comments

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