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Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 07, 2019. 8 comments

It Is Easier To Find Waldo Than It Is To Find Skins Fans At This Skins Home Game

It Is Easier To Find Waldo Than It Is To Find Skins Fans At This Skins Home Game

Word started to spread during prime tailgate hours Sunday that the crowd for the afternoon Patriots-Skins game in Landover would be heavily tilted in favor of the road team. By now you don’t need to be told that this has long been a trend at the team’s dismal, far-flung mausoleum of a stadium, but the nadir of fan apathy and alienation has always been out there, waiting to be discovered. We...

8 Comments

Lauren Theisen Lauren Theisen Oct 03, 2019. 17 comments

Julian Edelman Was Horrified By The Sight Of Bill Belichick's Dick And Balls Emerging From A Hot Tub

Julian Edelman Was Horrified By The Sight Of Bill Belichick's Dick And Balls Emerging From A Hot Tub

Bill Belichick: masterful strategist, Patriots legend, nude hot tubber. That last image is now unfortunately stuck in your brain, never to get out, because of Pats wide receiver Julian Edelman.

Edelman’s the subject of an upcoming TV documentary, and in a deleted scene put on Youtube, he describes how one of his first conversations with his coach included way more dong than he ever could have...

17 Comments

Gabe Fernandez Gabe Fernandez Sep 30, 2019. 11 comments

Matt Barkley's Interception Was A Perfectly Bills Way To Lose

Matt Barkley's Interception Was A Perfectly Bills Way To Lose
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The question surrounding the end of Patriots-Bills wasn’t so much a matter of how Buffalo was going to use its final drive to complete the shocking upset at home, but rather how spectacularly the team would fuck things up. Even after Tom Brady and the rest of the New England squad tried time after time to just hand...

11 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Sep 30, 2019. 14 comments

Sean McDermott Had To Chase Bill Belichick's Son Off The Field During Bills Warm-Ups

Sean McDermott Had To Chase Bill Belichick's Son Off The Field During Bills Warm-Ups

The Patriots stay Patriotsing. Before Sunday’s game against Buffalo, Bills head coach Sean McDermott was seen chasing off two Patriots assistant coaches from the field, as the pair was watching the end of the Bills’ warm-ups. As captured by WROC-TV’s Thad Brown, McDermott is clearly gesticulating at the two coaches and ushering them off the field before he himself headed into the locker room:

...

14 Comments

Patrick Redford Patrick Redford Sep 27, 2019. 18 comments

Report: Robert Kraft And Bill Belichick Disagreed On Whether To Cut Antonio Brown

Report: Robert Kraft And Bill Belichick Disagreed On Whether To Cut Antonio Brown

No one on the Patriots wants to talk about Antonio Brown’s brief stay, which was cut short following a handful of reports detailing multiple sexual assault accusations. Bill Belichick has mostly dodged questions about the matter, and Tom Brady talked about how we live in a society. While it’s been reported that the texts Brown sent to one accuser “crossed the line” for the Patriots,...

18 Comments

David Roth David Roth Sep 27, 2019. 7 comments

We Have A Wet Bag Problem, And We're Going To Look Into It

We Have A Wet Bag Problem, And We're Going To Look Into It

There is nothing funny about lower-body injuries in baseball. Upper body injuries, sure—a “strained oblique” sounds just vague enough to get an eye-roll, and Mets-scented mystery injuries like the Out With An Entire Left Side Of Body ailment that sidelined prized Mets free agent Jed Lowrie for virtually the entire season are a delight forever. But a player hurting his ankle or his knee on a...

7 Comments

Lauren Theisen Lauren Theisen Sep 23, 2019. 23 comments

Tom Brady Rambles Incomprehensibly About Society When Asked About Antonio Brown

Tom Brady Rambles Incomprehensibly About Society When Asked About Antonio Brown

The New England Patriots cut wide receiver Antonio Brown on Friday, but nobody on the team will say why. When Brown signed with the Pats barely a week earlier, it was already known that he was a rebellious guy with a weird thing about helmets. But in the short time he was on New England, he was sued for sexual assault by his former trainer , and a report from Sports Illustrated said that he...

23 Comments

Patrick Redford Patrick Redford Sep 21, 2019. 24 comments

Patriots Cut Antonio Brown After One Game

Patriots Cut Antonio Brown After One Game

For the second time in as many weeks, Antonio Brown has been cut. The wide receiver played exactly one game for the Patriots before they released him today, one day after Sports Illustrated released threatening text messages Brown had sent to an artist who accused him of sexual harassment. Brown announced the news himself, and it was confirmed by Ian Rapoport shortly thereafter.

Brown was...

24 Comments

Dom Cosentino Dom Cosentino Sep 21, 2019. 17 comments

Bill Belichick Did Not Want To Talk About Antonio Brown, Okay?

Bill Belichick Did Not Want To Talk About Antonio Brown, Okay?
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Friday press conferences for NFL head coaches tend to be fast affairs. A lot of the regular beat reporters typically take the day off, and most of the salient questions usually get asked earlier in the week. Bill Belichick’s presser today—the day after Sports Illustrated’s Robert Klemko published a report about...

17 Comments

Gabe Fernandez Gabe Fernandez Sep 20, 2019. 22 comments

Report: Antonio Brown Sent Threatening Texts To Artist Accusing Him Of Sexual Harassment

Report: Antonio Brown Sent Threatening Texts To Artist Accusing Him Of Sexual Harassment

In a group chat that included his lawyer, and at least one close confidant, Antonio Brown sent threatening text messages to the artist who accused him of exposing his barely covered penis to her while she worked on a mural in his home, according to Sports Illustrated’s Robert Klemko. Brown’s messages included insults about the artist’s income, photos of her young children, and requests made...

22 Comments

Gabe Fernandez Gabe Fernandez Sep 20, 2019. 20 comments

Tom Brady's Take On Roughing The Passer Sure Does Change A Lot When He's Not Playing

Tom Brady's Take On Roughing The Passer Sure Does Change A Lot When He's Not Playing

The legend of Jaguars quarterback Gardner Minshew II grew on Thursday against the Titans. No, it was not because of any particularly impressive play—though he certainly had a couple of those—but instead it’s because he’s already getting the kind of calls you’d expect a future Hall of Famer to receive in just his second game as the Jacksonville starter.

As the growing ratio of that tweet...

20 Comments

Diana Moskovitz Diana Moskovitz Sep 17, 2019. 23 comments

Antonio Brown And The Conversation Nobody Wants To Have

Antonio Brown And The Conversation Nobody Wants To Have

I watched the NFL on CBS this Sunday because I knew they had no choice but to talk about Antonio Brown. Brown was sued earlier this week by a former trainer, Britney Taylor, who said that Brown sexually assaulted and raped her when she worked for him. The day before, Brown had been signed by the New England Patriots, an AFC team, and the Patriots were due to play the Miami Dolphins, another...

23 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Sep 16, 2019. 22 comments

Artist Says Antonio Brown Exposed His Barely Covered Penis To Her While She Worked In His House

Artist Says Antonio Brown Exposed His Barely Covered Penis To Her While She Worked In His House

Sports Illustrated’s Robert Klemko has published a long story about Antonio Brown and his various business and personal relationships. Through interviews and the examination of court documents and police reports, Klemko outlines a pattern of behavior that is defined by accusations of refusing to pay for services, bizarre encounters with police and other associates, and another allegation of...

22 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Sep 16, 2019. 19 comments

The Dolphins Are Stale Piss From The Gutter

The Dolphins Are Stale Piss From The Gutter
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The Dolphins, a team set up to execute one of the most brazen tanking campaigns in NFL history, were so bad in Week 1 that a handful of players were reportedly calling their agents after the game and begging to be traded. Somehow, Miami was even worse today against the Patriots.

The Patriots never looked like they were...

19 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Sep 10, 2019. 22 comments

Laura Ingraham Schooled By Benjamin Watson In Deeply Satisfying Fox News Segment

Laura Ingraham Schooled By Benjamin Watson In Deeply Satisfying Fox News Segment

I swear that headline up there is not the result of late night Mad Libs. Patriots tight end Benjamin Watson was on Fox News with conservative shithead Laura Ingraham Monday to discuss a recent article by Jemele Hill. It became clear almost immediately that Watson was expected to share Ingraham’s sneering contempt for Hill’s argument, and when he did not, Ingraham was reduced to blurting out...

22 Comments

Samer Kalaf Samer Kalaf Sep 08, 2019. 5 comments

The Steelers Specifically Didn't Want This To Happen, Which Makes It All The Funnier

The Steelers Specifically Didn't Want This To Happen, Which Makes It All The Funnier

Back in March, before the Antonio Brown saga involved feet and a helmet , it was a relatively standard dispute of a disgruntled player riding an elliptical and demanding a trade from his team. The Steelers had no desire to keep him, but they still thought highly enough of him that they didn’t want a good team to have him. After a false start with the Bills, they believed they’d found a...

5 Comments

Lauren Theisen Lauren Theisen Sep 08, 2019. 13 comments

Right On Cue, The Patriots Sign Antonio Brown

Right On Cue, The Patriots Sign Antonio Brown

It almost seemed too obvious to be possible, but malcontent former Raider wide receiver Antonio Brown is headed to the Patriots to become yet another in what feels like a whole roster’s worth of talented yet difficult players who have found a home with Bill Belichick through the years. The terms, on the surface, look more than alright for a guy who spent the past month seemingly trying as...

13 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Sep 05, 2019. 22 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: New England Patriots

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: New England Patriots

Some people are fans of the New England Patriots. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New England Patriots. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews here.

Your team: Orchids of Asia. Real change of pace for someone in this organization to have THEIR dick grabbed!

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22 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Sep 05, 2019. 6 comments

Bill Belichick Is Here To Get You Pumped For Another NFL Season

Bill Belichick Is Here To Get You Pumped For Another NFL Season

Folks.... FOLKS. The NFL season starts tomorrow night. In just over 24 hours, it will once again be time to bathe ourselves in scalding NFL action. Are you ready for the big hits? The big throws? The big runs? The bashing and bruising? If you are not yet ready for these things, allow best-coach-in-the-world and valued NFL emissary Bill Belichick to put you in the mood:

Hell yeah,...

6 Comments

Samer Kalaf Samer Kalaf Aug 28, 2019. 20 comments

Rob Gronkowski Says He Couldn't Sleep For Weeks After A Fairly Routine Hit In The Super Bowl

Rob Gronkowski Says He Couldn't Sleep For Weeks After A Fairly Routine Hit In The Super Bowl

Reformed footballer Rob Gronkowski showed up at an event in New York City today to push some CBD product. Since the NFL world has been engrossed by the abrupt retirement of Colts quarterback Andrew Luck, Gronkowski brought up an injury he had suffered in this past season’s Super Bowl to illustrate a point about what football can do to a body.

In the second quarter of Super Bowl 53, the...

20 Comments

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