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Tom Ley Tom Ley Oct 08, 2019. 8 comments

Sam Darnold Spleen Update: Spleen Ready For Hot NFL Action

Sam Darnold Spleen Update: Spleen Ready For Hot NFL Action

Today brings us what will hopefully be the final update about the state of Jets quarterback Sam Darnold’s spleen, which was thrust into a precarious position by the mononucleosis virus that has kept him out of action since Week 2. We are pleased to pass along the following announcement: Spleen strong.

Congrats to Darnold, who now gets to return to enjoying his blessed existence as the...

8 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Oct 08, 2019. 5 comments

The 49ers Had A Great Time Humiliating Baker Mayfield

The 49ers Had A Great Time Humiliating Baker Mayfield

This has been said many times before, but the Cleveland Browns asked for this. All the hype and shit-talking that followed them throughout the preseason set them up precisely for the kind of embarrassing loss they had last night. Not only did the 49ers beat them 31-3, they took every opportunity to rub Baker Mayfield’s nose in it.

Defensive end Nick Bosa led the way, executing a...

5 Comments

Ray Ratto Ray Ratto Oct 08, 2019. 8 comments

Are The 49ers For Real?

Are The 49ers For Real?

As five weeks is usually more than sufficient time to establish the true pecking order in the National Football League, it is now clear that Super Bowl LIV (as opposed to Super Bowl LUV) will feature the New England Patriots and San Francisco 49ers.

As we suspected.

The Patriots, we needn’t bother with. They never aren’t there, and finishing off the grievously wounded Jay Gruden before a FedEx...

8 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Oct 07, 2019. 6 comments

The Colts Will Spend Today Picking The Chiefs Out Of Their Treads

The Colts Will Spend Today Picking The Chiefs Out Of Their Treads
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There’s need to go crazy and say that the Colts spent last night drawing up the blueprints for how to beat Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs, or that running the ball is suddenly the key to winning in the NFL. This was just one game, but it was fun as hell, and it’s worth spending some time today luxuriating in just how...

6 Comments

Barry Petchesky Barry Petchesky Oct 07, 2019. 10 comments

The Skins Made Jay Gruden Come To The Office At 5 A.M. To Get Fired

The Skins Made Jay Gruden Come To The Office At 5 A.M. To Get Fired

After an embarrassing yet expected 33-7 “home ” loss to the Patriots, after which everyone already knew head coach Jay Gruden would be fired ... Washington fired him. This being the Skins, though, they did it in the most disrespectful manner imaginable.

On Sunday, Gruden had morbidly responded to questions about his job by saying, “if the key works Monday I’ll keep working.” That’s not quite...

10 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 07, 2019. 10 comments

Chris Thompson Breaks Up While Talking About Jay Gruden's Doomed Future In Washington

Chris Thompson Breaks Up While Talking About Jay Gruden's Doomed Future In Washington

Shit sucks in Skins land these days, which is about as evergreen a statement as there is, but it sucks enough at this specific moment that everyone in the building is having a very bad time. The Skins were blown out at home by the Patriots on Sunday, 33–7, in front of a crowd that was overwhelmingly supporting the visitors . The Skins never ran one single play inside the red zone, and crossed...

10 Comments

Gabe Fernandez Gabe Fernandez Oct 07, 2019. 2 comments

Well This Was Predictable

Well This Was Predictable
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Right on cue, the quarterback that Jets coach Adam Gase only let have one full practice with the first team has already committed a laughable mistake. New York decided to go for it on a 4th-and-1 in the first quarter, but rather than running it with one of the league’s best running backs, the team decided to...

2 Comments

Gabe Fernandez Gabe Fernandez Oct 07, 2019. 4 comments

Adam Gase Waited Until The Last Day Of Practice To Give Luke Falk First-Team Reps

Adam Gase Waited Until The Last Day Of Practice To Give Luke Falk First-Team Reps

Behold the coaching genius of Adam Gase, who was so confident that Sam Darnold would recover from mononucleosis at a rate faster than most doctors would recommend—and not say something like “I want to make sure that I’m safe out there and I’m not going to die”—that he just flat out ignored the actually healthy Luke Falk and didn’t give him any first-team reps in practice until Friday. But...

4 Comments

Gabe Fernandez Gabe Fernandez Oct 06, 2019. 12 comments

Jonathan Martin Avoids Jail Time On Felony Charges With Mental Health Diversion

Jonathan Martin Avoids Jail Time On Felony Charges With Mental Health Diversion

Former Dolphins offensive lineman Jonathan Martin will not face any jail time for the charges brought against him for threats he made on an Instagram post in February 2018. According to a report from Nancy Dillon of the New York Daily News, Martin was instead granted a mental health diversion program where he’ll be expected to attend weekly meetings with a psychotherapist, see a psychiatrist...

12 Comments

Gabe Fernandez Gabe Fernandez Oct 05, 2019. 20 comments

Videos Of Jay Gruden Out Partying Have Recirculated With Suspicious Timing

Videos Of Jay Gruden Out Partying Have Recirculated With Suspicious Timing

Videos featuring Washington football coach Jay Gruden out on the town smoking a cigarette of some kind, as well as spitting game at what appears to be a much younger woman, have been making the rounds online over the past day or so.

At first glance it would be appear as though these clips capture someone who has accepted the inevitability of losing his job and is throwing caution to the wind...

20 Comments

Dom Cosentino Dom Cosentino Oct 04, 2019. 19 comments

Why Melvin Gordon's Holdout Never Stood A Chance

Why Melvin Gordon's Holdout Never Stood A Chance

Not all NFL holdouts are created equal. This is especially true for running backs, who have seen their value decline in recent years, even as the salary cap has jumped prodigiously. This summer, a pair of backs began training camp by withholding their labor in attempt to leverage a strong second contract. One, Ezekiel Elliott of the Cowboys, inked the richest running back contract in history ...

19 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 04, 2019. 5 comments

Sam Darnold Spleen Update: I Want To Live

Sam Darnold Spleen Update: I Want To Live

Bad news, Jets fans: Sam Darnold is officially out for Sunday’s game against the Eagles. The team gave Darnold reps in practice this week, but in the end that pesky, mononucleosis-bloated spleen of his just would not cooperate. The initial prognosis warned it might be as long as six weeks before Darnold could handle contact again, and yet Friday’s update still appears to have registered as...

5 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Oct 04, 2019. 1 comments

Tedric Thompson's Juggling Interception Is Worth Many More Looks

Tedric Thompson's Juggling Interception Is Worth Many More Looks

Seahawks safety Tedric Thompson ended a late Rams drive in Thursday night’s 30–29 Seattle win with a truly bonkers defensive highlight. Rams quarterback Jared Goff rifled a ball to receiver Gerald Everett late in the fourth quarter; Everett mishandled Goff’s excellent throw, and the ball deflected away and fell quickly to the turf near midfield. Thompson tumbled in from out of nowhere, a...

1 Comments

Gabe Fernandez Gabe Fernandez Oct 04, 2019. 9 comments

Russell Wilson Throws Up Prayer, Tyler Lockett Answers

Russell Wilson Throws Up Prayer, Tyler Lockett Answers

One of two things happened on this incredible play from the Seahawks. Either Russell Wilson completed one of the most amazing throws of the early season to a teammate with the kind of pinpoint accuracy that even computers would struggle to comprehend, or Wilson, with his view of Lockett in the back of the end zone obstructed, decided to throw the ball away and it was only because of Lockett’s...

9 Comments

Samer Kalaf Samer Kalaf Oct 04, 2019. 14 comments

Stefon Diggs Returns To Vikings Practice, Is Vague And Grumpy

Stefon Diggs Returns To Vikings Practice, Is Vague And Grumpy

While Vikings QB Kirk Cousins somewhat patched things up with his WR Adam Thielen on a podcast this week, the other prominent guy who catches his passes is in a different mood. Stefon Diggs, who was also frustrated about the offensive strategy during Sunday’s loss to the Bears, was absent from Wednesday’s practice for reasons unrelated to an injury. He returned today and talked to media for...

14 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Oct 03, 2019. 11 comments

The Jaguars Don't Seem All That Interested In Trading Jalen Ramsey

The Jaguars Don't Seem All That Interested In Trading Jalen Ramsey

It’s been more than two weeks since All-Pro cornerback Jalen Ramsey requested a trade from the Jacksonville Jaguars, and even though he hasn’t been playing much football in the meantime, he seems to be getting further and further away from his goal.

Ramsey has been out of practice all week with a back injury, one of a few ailments that has mostly kept him off the field since making his...

11 Comments

Jordan Sargent Jordan Sargent Oct 03, 2019. 15 comments

Dad Made The Very Sleepy Chargers Get Out Of Bed And Beat The Dolphins

Dad Made The Very Sleepy Chargers Get Out Of Bed And Beat The Dolphins
The BlowholeWelcome to The Blowhole, a weekly column in which a lifelong Dolphins fan breaks down the performance of the 2019 team, perhaps the worst in NFL history.  

Okay, so I can’t show you what it would look like if the Miami Dolphins played a college football team. But I can show you what it would look like if the Miami Dolphins played in a college football game, and were the college...

15 Comments

Patrick Redford Patrick Redford Oct 03, 2019. 14 comments

Bears' Roquan Smith Says He'll Play This Week After Missing One Game For "Personal Reasons"

Bears' Roquan Smith Says He'll Play This Week After Missing One Game For "Personal Reasons"

Linebacker Roquan Smith, who didn’t have an injury designation, was a last-minute scratch this past Sunday before the Bears played the Vikings. As mysterious as his absence was, it seems that it’ll only be a one-week blip.

After Bears head coach Matt Nagy only made things more confusing on Monday, Smith returned to Bears practice today and told reporters that he will play against the Raiders...

14 Comments

Dave McKenna Dave McKenna Oct 03, 2019. 14 comments

Woman Imprisoned For Killing Pregnant Girlfriend Of Chicago Bears Pro Bowler Asks For Murder Conviction To Be Tossed

Woman Imprisoned For Killing Pregnant Girlfriend Of Chicago Bears Pro Bowler Asks For Murder Conviction To Be Tossed

One of Chicagoland’s great murder mysteries, the one surrounding the 2007 killing of Rhoni Reuter, the pregnant girlfriend of ex–Chicago Bear Shaun Gayle, may have new life. Marni Yang, another girlfriend of Gayle’s who is now in prison for killing Reuter and her unborn child, has filed a petition seeking to have her 2011 conviction overturned.

The 29-page petition, which can be read below,...

14 Comments

Lauren Theisen Lauren Theisen Oct 03, 2019. 17 comments

Julian Edelman Was Horrified By The Sight Of Bill Belichick's Dick And Balls Emerging From A Hot Tub

Julian Edelman Was Horrified By The Sight Of Bill Belichick's Dick And Balls Emerging From A Hot Tub

Bill Belichick: masterful strategist, Patriots legend, nude hot tubber. That last image is now unfortunately stuck in your brain, never to get out, because of Pats wide receiver Julian Edelman.

Edelman’s the subject of an upcoming TV documentary, and in a deleted scene put on Youtube, he describes how one of his first conversations with his coach included way more dong than he ever could have...

17 Comments

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