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Drew Magary Drew Magary Sep 25, 2019. 21 comments

I’ll Be Goddamned If Chili Is Ever Considered A Health Food

I’ll Be Goddamned If Chili Is Ever Considered A Health Food
FunbagTime for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? [Email the Funbag](mailto:funbag.deadspin@gmail.com).   

Today, we’re talking about pickles, basketball hoop design, BIG WEDDING, and more.

Your letters:

Ken:

How come chili is not considered healthy? Everything in it is healthy, depending on how you make it. Tomatoes, peppers, black beans, onions, garlic,...

21 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Aug 28, 2019. 24 comments

What’s The Worst Cooking Mistake You’ve Ever Eaten Anyway?

What’s The Worst Cooking Mistake You’ve Ever Eaten Anyway?
FunbagTime for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? [Email the Funbag](mailto:funbag.deadspin@gmail.com).   

Today, we’re talking about soccer snobs, voiceover acting, bad keys, eating wrappers, and more.

Your letters:

Kyle:

Once in college, I was stoned off my ass and accidentally seasoned some strip steaks with a shitload of cinnamon, mistaking it for seasoned...

24 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Aug 27, 2019. 7 comments

The AHL Playoff MVP Made Some Buffalo Wings Inside The Damn Calder Cup

The AHL Playoff MVP Made Some Buffalo Wings Inside The Damn Calder Cup

One of the best traditions in hockey is the customary “players’ day with the Cup” that happens after a team wins a championship. And while the St. Louis Blues are gallivanting around with the Stanley Cup doing god knows that, we can say with some certainty that the Calder Cup, which is given to the champions of the American Hockey League, the NHL’s primary minor league, is being put to...

7 Comments

Gabe Fernandez Gabe Fernandez Aug 26, 2019. 15 comments

South Carolina Coroner Confirms Local Dairy Queen's Burgers Are Not Made Of Human Flesh

South Carolina Coroner Confirms Local Dairy Queen's Burgers Are Not Made Of Human Flesh

A coroner in Greenville, S.C. confirmed on Friday that the ground beef patties from a local Dairy Queen were not, in fact, made out of human flesh. The confirmation comes in the wake of rumors swirling about the fast-food joint after it was hit with a federal raid on Wednesday, according to the Index-Journal.

“I promise you, I’ve never had anything of that nature asked of me. I’ve never...

15 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Jul 24, 2019. 24 comments

What Fast Food Makes The Best Leftovers?

What Fast Food Makes The Best Leftovers?
FunbagTime for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? [Email the Funbag](mailto:funbag.deadspin@gmail.com).   

Today, we’re talking about pizza, paper, tolerating sporting events while sober, cream cheese, and more.

Your letters:

Luis Paez-Pumar:

What’s the best fast food to eat as leftovers? (Inspired by a late night Popeye’s run this weekend, which is my...

24 Comments

Giri Nathan Giri Nathan Apr 23, 2019. 20 comments

Conquering The Carolina Reaper Requires Self-Deceit, Milk, And A Lot Of Barf

Conquering The Carolina Reaper Requires Self-Deceit, Milk, And A Lot Of Barf

In the same way strip malls pipe in the smell of luxury, the NYC Hot Sauce Expo must pipe in the smell of pain. The ambient tang of hot sauce greets every visitor at the door. How the mere consumption and sale of hot sauce could suffuse a huge, high-ceilinged space with its odor defies explanation. But my nostrils were beginning to tingle and my sinuses were beginning to clear just five steps...

20 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Feb 15, 2019. 14 comments

Yahoo Sports Columnist Pat Forde Cooked And Ate This Mess

Yahoo Sports Columnist Pat Forde Cooked And Ate This Mess

Once, long ago, I was staying the night at a friend’s house when his family’s very old Basset Hound, Frances, took an extremely unpleasant shit on the kitchen floor. There was a sturdy mound of dense turds coated in an expanding puddle of glistening, phlegmy ooze, and it had a stench that could break a person’s mind, and it looked exactly like Yahoo columnist and college sports knower Pat...

14 Comments

Megan Greenwell Megan Greenwell Jan 31, 2019. 17 comments

Isn't The Super Bowl Supposed To Be Fun?

Isn't The Super Bowl Supposed To Be Fun?

The Patriots are, in all likelihood, going to win again, and it’s going to be awful. The question now is: What is the worst possible way they could win? A 52-6 blowout? A three-TD lead for L.A. followed by yet another miraculous comeback by everyone’s least-favorite fancy dog ? Aaron Donald breaking Brady’s ankle and Brian Hoyer pulling it out somehow? I hate it all.

Third-string Deadcast host...

17 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Oct 03, 2018. 24 comments

You And I Are Eating Too Much Chicken

You And I Are Eating Too Much Chicken
Your browser does not support HTML5 video tag.Click here to view original GIFFunbagTime for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? [Email the Funbag](mailto:funbag.deadspin@gmail.com).   

Today, we’re talking about Gritty, weddings, pissing in the woods, and more.

Your letters:

Sam:

Sitting here eating KFC with my wife and watching Star Wars after work and she asks...

24 Comments

Albert Burneko Albert Burneko Sep 11, 2018. 23 comments

Cynthia Nixon's Bagel Order Is Fine

Cynthia Nixon's Bagel Order Is Fine

Were you thinking pizza lumbered down the mountainside, fully formed? That the ancients plucked gyros from the surf and ate them whole? I bring news. That’s not how it happened.

Here is a true story. I’m sure of it. Once upon a time, somebody wandered into a room and inquired, idly and probably in Yiddish, “Hey, whatcha havin’?” And the other person said “I am having a circlebread sliced in...

23 Comments

Albert Burneko Albert Burneko Aug 21, 2018. 16 comments

Behold, Tomato Time Is Suddenly Upon You

Behold, Tomato Time Is Suddenly Upon You

A very long time ago (2015), our old buddy Tom Scocca posited, convincingly, that there are eight distinct seasons . This part of the year, from August through mid-September, he calls “Yellow Summer,” and ranks as the fifth-best season, which seems fine. After all, it’s muggy and buzzy and gross outside; the air is like glycerine and the trees have that overstuffed, saggy, worn-out dark...

16 Comments

Shawn Cooke Shawn Cooke Jun 30, 2018. 11 comments

The Cotton Candy Hot Dog Will Kill Us All

The Cotton Candy Hot Dog Will Kill Us All

If you haven’t eaten breakfast or lunch yet today, it may be exceedingly difficult to do so now. Over the weekend, the Erie Seawolves, the Double-A affiliate of the Detroit Tigers, unveiled a special product for their Sugar Rush Night. It is the kind of special anti-treat that you will never be able to unsee but will hopefully be able to uneat. It is the most grotesque image I’ve ever...

11 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Jun 13, 2018. 24 comments

An Extremely Mild And Pointless Defense Of Raisins

An Extremely Mild And Pointless Defense Of Raisins

Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re talking about bowling balls, BIG SCOOTER, urine, gladiators, and more.

Your letters:

Matt:

Raisins are fucking awful. Who likes them? What are they even good for? They look (and taste!) like shriveled Teletubby testicles.

You know, once in a while I hear from raisin haters. And while...

24 Comments

Tim Marchman Tim Marchman Jun 09, 2018. 11 comments

Anthony Bourdain Was Who I Wish I Was

Anthony Bourdain Was Who I Wish I Was

As I’d imagine many or, who knows, maybe even most of those who admired him did, I once had the strange experience of realizing that Anthony Bourdain seemed to know a place I lived better than I did. In 2009, his No Reservations program went to Chicago, and if he didn’t get the entire city, which of course no one could do in 43 minutes, he came closer than he really should have been able to....

11 Comments

Patrick Redford Patrick Redford Jun 09, 2018. 16 comments

Let’s Revisit Anthony Bourdain’s Hilariously Disastrous Trip To Romania

Let’s Revisit Anthony Bourdain’s Hilariously Disastrous Trip To Romania

There is an inexhaustible stock of incredible moments of connection, understanding, and joy in the archives of Anthony Bourdain’s show—A Cook’s Tour, No Reservations, The Layover, and Parts Unknown are really just four iterations of the same show—that the world inevitably feels like a brighter, more colorful place for having had Bourdain traipse across it. You could watch his religious...

16 Comments

Samer Kalaf Samer Kalaf Jun 02, 2018. 17 comments

Don Cherry's Daily Sandwich Shouldn't Exist

Don Cherry's Daily Sandwich Shouldn't Exist

Don Cherry’s entire shtick is being an ostentatious hockey blowhard, and while his daily lunch is a little “out there,” its bizarreness isn’t whimsical in the slightest, although biohazards can be colorful, too. This Steve Simmons Toronto Sun column reveals Cherry’s regular lunch, which appears to be unintentionally aged:

Every day on the road is seemingly the same. It doesn’t matter what the...

17 Comments

Barry Petchesky Barry Petchesky May 17, 2018. 22 comments

$5.45 Plus Tax Is Way Too Much For A Hot Dog

$5.45 Plus Tax Is Way Too Much For A Hot Dog

Our Facebook page is a great place to yell at us, but also to send us really helpful sports tips. Like reader Matt, who private messaged us with this breaking news:

Matt, I am looking at it and I don’t like it. $5.45 USD, plus tax, is excessive for a hot dog. Comically excessive. Tragically excessive.

Matt says this is at a food truck in Georgetown, which makes it that much worse. At a...

22 Comments

Megan Greenwell Megan Greenwell May 17, 2018. 23 comments

Sure, Eat Pizza Sauce With A Spoon

Sure, Eat Pizza Sauce With A Spoon

Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Drew’s gone! We have guest hosts. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re talking about what is acceptable to eat out of a can, alleged cheating in the minors, cursed flip-flops, and more.

Joe:

Drew (Or Whomever They’ve Dredged up This Week As a Replacement)

I’ve got one of those weird ass food things I’ve rarely seen...

23 Comments

Tim Marchman Tim Marchman May 10, 2018. 18 comments

Don't Cook Chicken In A Fucking Dishwasher

Don't Cook Chicken In A Fucking Dishwasher

Earlier today, while waiting on my porch for some delivery guys to turn up, I checked in on what was happening in Deadspin’s work chat—my job requires me to surveil the staffs of the various Gizmodo Media Group sites to make sure they’re diligently working for the betterment of our corporate overlords—and immediately regretted it. A staff discussion of ancient Roman techniques for cooking...

18 Comments

Giri Nathan Giri Nathan Apr 26, 2018. 12 comments

Turn Your Mango Into A Delicious Hedgehog, And Conquer It At Last

Turn Your Mango Into A Delicious Hedgehog, And Conquer It At Last

So much of your life is impossible to give order to. A mango is not one of those things. It may seem like one, big gooey lump that it is, but it is not. It can be given perfect geometric clarity with just a few tactical blade strokes. I can’t recommend solving many of your other problems this way, but it does work for the mango.

If you’ve gone in blind before, you might understand why this...

12 Comments

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