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Patrick Redford Patrick Redford Oct 03, 2019. 14 comments

Bears' Roquan Smith Says He'll Play This Week After Missing One Game For "Personal Reasons"

Bears' Roquan Smith Says He'll Play This Week After Missing One Game For "Personal Reasons"

Linebacker Roquan Smith, who didn’t have an injury designation, was a last-minute scratch this past Sunday before the Bears played the Vikings. As mysterious as his absence was, it seems that it’ll only be a one-week blip.

After Bears head coach Matt Nagy only made things more confusing on Monday, Smith returned to Bears practice today and told reporters that he will play against the Raiders...

14 Comments

Dave McKenna Dave McKenna Oct 03, 2019. 14 comments

Woman Imprisoned For Killing Pregnant Girlfriend Of Chicago Bears Pro Bowler Asks For Murder Conviction To Be Tossed

Woman Imprisoned For Killing Pregnant Girlfriend Of Chicago Bears Pro Bowler Asks For Murder Conviction To Be Tossed

One of Chicagoland’s great murder mysteries, the one surrounding the 2007 killing of Rhoni Reuter, the pregnant girlfriend of ex–Chicago Bear Shaun Gayle, may have new life. Marni Yang, another girlfriend of Gayle’s who is now in prison for killing Reuter and her unborn child, has filed a petition seeking to have her 2011 conviction overturned.

The 29-page petition, which can be read below,...

14 Comments

Patrick Redford Patrick Redford Oct 01, 2019. 1 comments

Matt Nagy Doesn't Reveal Anything About Roquan Smith's Mysterious Deactivation

Matt Nagy Doesn't Reveal Anything About Roquan Smith's Mysterious Deactivation

Chicago Bears linebacker Roquan Smith didn’t play Sunday against the Vikings, despite not being listed on the team’s injury report all week. Smith was downgraded to doubtful right before the game, then ultimately watched the game on the sidelines. The team would only say that he was out for “personal reasons,” and head coach Matt Nagy didn’t elaborate after the 16-6 win.

Nagy was asked 12...

1 Comments

Patrick Redford Patrick Redford Sep 25, 2019. 5 comments

Tarik Cohen Unwittingly Exposes A Nude Kyle Long To The World

Tarik Cohen Unwittingly Exposes A Nude Kyle Long To The World

The Chicago Bears keep a rowdy locker room after wins, and after they smoked Washington on the road Monday night, they turned the visitor’s locker room into “Club Dub.” Everyone had a good time! Head coach Matt Nagy threw his arms around a bunch! Running back Tarik Cohen accidentally showed his teammate’s penis to the world!

After the victory, Cohen used Instagram to host a live broadcast...

5 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Sep 24, 2019. 16 comments

You Will Never Unsee Morgan Moses's Hasty Right Leg

You Will Never Unsee Morgan Moses's Hasty Right Leg

I do not advise tuning in for the Monday night matchup between Washington and the Bears for any reason. Those deranged enough to watch this horror show have seen the Bears pound the bejeezus out of the home team in every phase, starting with a first-quarter pick-six to open the scoring. The especially diseased among us, paying close attention to the action, will have noticed Washington’s...

16 Comments

Gabe Fernandez Gabe Fernandez Sep 16, 2019. 21 comments

Soft Roughing The Passer Call Helps Deprive World Of Elite Joe Flacco Moment

Soft Roughing The Passer Call Helps Deprive World Of Elite Joe Flacco Moment

On the Broncos’ final drive of the game, Joe Flacco finally looked like the elite quarterback that John Elway thought he was when the Denver GM signed the ex-Raven this offseason. After leading his team 50 yards down the field, Flacco faced a 4th-and-3 on the Bears’ 12-yard line. The quarterback then mentally reverted back to his 2012 season with Baltimore and—on back-to-back plays—converted...

21 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Sep 06, 2019. 22 comments

Tramon Williams Adds Further Humiliation To Mitchell Trubisky's Rotten Opening Night

Tramon Williams Adds Further Humiliation To Mitchell Trubisky's Rotten Opening Night

Yes, it’s Week 1. Yes, the Packers defense is expected to be much improved this season, after general manager Brian Gutekunst dedicated big bucks during the offseason to improving the personnel. Still. Chicago’s offense Thursday night was totally punchless, even amateurish, outside of a few nifty plays by rookie David Montgomery, and the result was plenty of frustrated booing directed at the...

22 Comments

Dan McQuade Dan McQuade Sep 06, 2019. 18 comments

Person Caught Saying “I Never Had My Butt Fingered” On NFL Broadcast

Person Caught Saying “I Never Had My Butt Fingered” On NFL Broadcast

The NFL is back, and we already have our biggest storyline of the season: Who said “I never had my butt fingered” on the NBC broadcast of the season’s opening Packers-Bears game?

Presumably, this was a microphone picking up a conversation between two players on the sideline talking about what terrible things linemen do to each other in the trenches on punts. Or maybe someone just had a really...

18 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 30, 2019. 21 comments

Last Man Standing In Bears' Exhaustive Kicker Competition Bonks Extra Point To Timbuktu

Last Man Standing In Bears' Exhaustive Kicker Competition Bonks Extra Point To Timbuktu

The kicker competition at Bears training camp has been an ongoing delight for anyone who is neither a Bears fan nor a kicker auditioning for the job. Nine—one two three four five six seven eight nine—kickers were initially rounded up and cast in Matt Nagy’s weirdly self-loathing quest to somehow banish all traces of the double-doink from our dimension. That process had its final dress...

21 Comments

Drew Magary Drew Magary Aug 22, 2019. 7 comments

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Chicago Bears

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Chicago Bears

Some people are fans of the Chicago Bears. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Chicago Bears. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Doinkity-doink -doink!

Your 2018 record: DOINK AND DOINK. Our DOINK, who art in DOINK, hallowed be thy DOINK-DOINK…

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7 Comments

Barry Petchesky Barry Petchesky Aug 22, 2019. 13 comments

It Is Hazardous To Be A Bears Kicker Under Matt Nagy

It Is Hazardous To Be A Bears Kicker Under Matt Nagy

If you want the simplest, hardest piece of news from Kalyn Kahler’s fantastic writeup for Sports Illustrated of the Chicago Bears’ offseason kicking saga, it’s that the decision to cut Cody Parkey was made immediately upon the second doink. If you want the most important and still-relevant piece of news, which emerges gradually but clearly from the story as a whole, it’s that Bears coach...

13 Comments

Gabe Fernandez Gabe Fernandez Aug 18, 2019. 3 comments

Former Running Back Cedric Benson Dies In Motorcycle Crash

Former Running Back Cedric Benson Dies In Motorcycle Crash

Former Bears, Bengals and Packers running back Cedric Benson died on Saturday in a motorcycle crash in Austin, Texas, according to multiple reports. He was 36.

KVUE reports that emergency services responded to calls about a motorcycle and car crash around 10:20 p.m in East Austin. According to police, a minivan pulled out of a crossroad and hit the motorcycle as it was driving by. Both Benson...

3 Comments

Tom Ley Tom Ley Aug 16, 2019. 16 comments

Kyle Long Tried To Beat A Teammate With His Own Helmet And Then Barfed

Kyle Long Tried To Beat A Teammate With His Own Helmet And Then Barfed

Training camp fights are a relatively common occurrence, but few are as eventful as the scrap that took place on Wednesday between Bears offensive lineman Kyle Long and defensive lineman Jalen Dalton. Here is a description of the fight that is just packed with evocative imagery:

Long seems to be having a rough go of it lately. He also got into a fight with Akiem Hicks on Sunday, and head...

16 Comments

Barry Petchesky Barry Petchesky Aug 09, 2019. 6 comments

Matt Nagy Has Double-Doink On The Brain

Matt Nagy Has Double-Doink On The Brain

Time was running out in the first half of the Bears’ preseason loss to the Panthers on Thursday night, and Chicago was in field goal range. Well, ostensibly. Bears coach Matt Nagy took one look at the spot of the ball after the half’s penultimate play, and immediately had sweaty-palmed flashbacks. Doink. Doink.

“You could feel it,” Nagy said. “You could sense it, from all the fans, and I...

6 Comments

Dom Cosentino Dom Cosentino Jul 08, 2019. 19 comments

Today's NFL Would Have Been Perfect For Doug Flutie

Today's NFL Would Have Been Perfect For Doug Flutie

It’s been 14 years since he last played professional football, but Doug Flutie is suddenly relevant again. In the run-up to the draft, there was a big feature in the Washington Post, along with a 15-minute chat on The Rich Eisen Show. When I first reached out to ask about an interview, Flutie’s agent told me she had five requests for him, all on essentially the same topic: how height is no...

19 Comments

Samer Kalaf Samer Kalaf Jun 21, 2019. 18 comments

Matt Nagy Needs To Get Over The Double-Doink

Matt Nagy Needs To Get Over The Double-Doink
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Remembering past failures can be useful as motivation, but at this point Bears head coach Matt Nagy needs to move on, because it’s getting unhealthy. Ever since Chicago lost on a double-doink in the playoffs, Nagy’s made sure that his players remember how they lost on the flukiest of plays.

Bears running back Tarik...

18 Comments

Samer Kalaf Samer Kalaf Jun 18, 2019.

Matt Forte, Chicago TV Host Argue Over Luncheon

Matt Forte, Chicago TV Host Argue Over Luncheon

Running back Matt Forte’s in the last season of his contract with the Bears, and he’s hoping for an extension. So far, he’s only missed the team’s voluntary minicamp and an awards luncheon, and while he claims he won’t hold out further to get job security, some in Chicago were miffed that Forte would miss that luncheon.

The Piccolo Awards are named after the late Bears running back Brian...

Samer Kalaf Samer Kalaf Jun 12, 2019. 19 comments

The Chicago Bears' Kickers Are In Hell

The Chicago Bears' Kickers Are In Hell

The Chicago Bears have been trying all sorts of methods to move on from January’s season-ending double-doink . Nothing seems to be working.

They cut Cody Parkey, the kicker who missed the now-infamous 43-yard field goal. The team rounded up eight new kickers in May’s rookie minicamp and had them make attempts from that same distance at the end of a practice. (The candidates went a combined...

19 Comments

Gabe Fernandez Gabe Fernandez May 05, 2019. 14 comments

The Bears' Search For A New Kicker Has Already Gotten Pretty Sad

The Bears' Search For A New Kicker Has Already Gotten Pretty Sad

The Chicago Bears are still searching for a new kicker after Cody Parkey’s double-doink knocked the team out of the playoffs this past season. That, in combination with the kicker’s appearance on the Today show , did not sat well with the franchise and even led Chicago to take a $4.4 million dead cap hit just to move on from him. Workouts have been going on for a few months now so let’s...

14 Comments

Patrick Redford Patrick Redford Mar 06, 2019. 19 comments

Chicago NBC Station Inadvertently Turns Kirk Cousins Into Khalil Mack's Mom

Chicago NBC Station Inadvertently Turns Kirk Cousins Into Khalil Mack's Mom

Okay, this is a pedantic grievance, but if you’re on Deadspin you come here for or at least tolerate the pedantry. This tweet from NBC Sports’ Chicago Bears site is wrong as hell:

If you’ve watched, say, a single episode of Game of Thrones, you’d know that the dragons are buddies with Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow. If you watched the new trailer that dropped today, you’d know that. Hell,...

19 Comments

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