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Champions League's posts - English uPOST

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley 25 minutes ago.

Lionel Messi Pulls Off One Of The Worst Misses Of His Career, Presumably To Prove He's Human

Lionel Messi Pulls Off One Of The Worst Misses Of His Career, Presumably To Prove He's Human

One downside to being the greatest player to ever kick a soccer ball has to be that people eventually take your greatness for granted. It’s all well and good to be referred to as a god or an alien, but conjure so many miracles over a long enough timespan, and the effect of your otherworldliness starts to wane.

In response to this phenomenon, one such god-alien hybrid might intentionally mess...

Patrick Redford Patrick Redford 1 hours 15 minutes ago. 4 comments

Feast Your Eyes On This Unholy, Perfect Goal

Feast Your Eyes On This Unholy, Perfect Goal

Every soccer player probably dreams about hitting a ball as perfectly as Marcel Sabitzer did today against Zenit. Not only did the Austrian uncork this breathtaking outside-boot curler in an actual game, the goal wound up winning RB Salzburg a Champions League group stage match. Look at the devilish outside-in bend on this beauty and tell me he could have smacked this one any better.

In other...

4 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley 3 hours 48 minutes ago.

Manchester City Are Practically Invincible When Raheem Sterling Is On His Shit

Manchester City Are Practically Invincible When Raheem Sterling Is On His Shit

The thing about Manchester City is that they don’t really have a best player. Well, they do have one—Kevin de Bruyne—but the team’s structure isn’t the sort where everything revolves around one guy, where shutting KDB down means shutting down the entire team. Instead, Man City possess a truly stupid number of exceptional players, any of whom on a given day could be the headsman at your team’s...

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar yesterday at 22:59.

Kylian Mbappé Is The Future, And The Future Is Now

Kylian Mbappé Is The Future, And The Future Is Now

Kylian Mbappé is faster than the wind, scores more goals than everyone except the man they call God , wins titles galore for club and country, and is already one of the three or four best players in the world. And still, the most difficult fact to wrap one’s mind around is that the guy is only 20 years old.

A 20-year-old is supposed to be one for the future. Because of that, it’s easy to view...

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar yesterday at 03:57.

Playing Against Atlético In Madrid Is Hell

Playing Against Atlético In Madrid Is Hell

It’s not profound analysis to say Atlético Madrid are good defensively , but Bayer Leverkusen were reminded of the one inexorable truth of soccer in the teams’ Champions League match on Tuesday: playing an away match against the Colchoneros fucking sucks.

While Atlético’s road games are often painful watches for neutrals—an already hyper-defensive team usually turtles up even more when...

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Oct 09, 2019. 11 comments

Germany Rose And Fell With Bastian Schweinsteiger

Germany Rose And Fell With Bastian Schweinsteiger

Bastian Schweinsteiger was three different players. The German superstar, who announced his retirement from soccer on Tuesday, is leaving behind one of the most peculiar careers in recent soccer memory. From a wide player breaking into Germany’s 2006 World Cup side, to one of the best and most idiosyncratic central midfielders in the world, and finally to his farewell run as a center back in...

11 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Oct 09, 2019. 9 comments

This Feels Like The End Of Tottenham's Golden Age

This Feels Like The End Of Tottenham's Golden Age

It was all so good just four months ago. Back then, Tottenham were in the midst of their best Champions League run ever, beating Manchester City and Ajax on consecutive last-second magic tricks and getting ready to face Liverpool in the final. What a difference four months can make.

At the start of the present season, Spurs have been in their worst form since manager Mauricio Pochettino...

9 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Oct 02, 2019. 12 comments

Brugge Player Scores Two Goals On Real Madrid Despite Twice Doo-Dooing Himself

Brugge Player Scores Two Goals On Real Madrid Despite Twice Doo-Dooing Himself
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Even though Real Madrid have been ass all year, no one would’ve expected anything other than a comfortable win when the Blancos hosted Club Brugge in the Champions League today. And yet the Belgian team spent the vast majority of the match in winning position, thanks to two goals from Emmanuel Dennis, who somehow...

12 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Sep 18, 2019. 22 comments

Zinedine Zidane's Real Madrid Are Already Teetering On The Brink

Zinedine Zidane's Real Madrid Are Already Teetering On The Brink

Zinedine Zidane must have known this time would be harder. The once-former, now-current Real Madrid manager stepped away from the club after winning the 2018 Champions League final—his and the club’s third in a row, and the team’s fourth in five years—just as Cristiano Ronaldo, the key to all that success, left for Juventus. So, when Zidane returned after a tumultuous half-season for the...

22 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Sep 13, 2019. 3 comments

Napoli's Manager Blasts The State Of The Team's Half-Built Locker Rooms

Napoli's Manager Blasts The State Of The Team's Half-Built Locker Rooms

Following a summer of renovations at Napoli’s Stadio San Paolo—a project that forced the team to play its first two games of the season away from home—the stadium’s locker rooms are still not ready for use. Which has manager Carlo Ancelotti absolutely furious.

Here’s the current state of the locker room, as shown in a video posted by the club’s official Twitter account:

In a statement posted...

3 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Sep 05, 2019. 8 comments

Juventus Midfielder Emre Can Says The Club Made False Promises, And Now He's Pissed

Juventus Midfielder Emre Can Says The Club Made False Promises, And Now He's Pissed

When dealing with any kind of upper management at a job, the smartest thing you can do is to get it, whatever “it” is, in writing. That’s the hard lesson that Juventus midfielder Emre Can learned this week: The Germany international claimed that he was promised a spot in his club’s Champions League roster as recently as last week, only for Juventus brass to leave him out of the 22-man...

8 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Aug 30, 2019. 10 comments

Here Is The 2019-20 Champions League Group Stage Draw

Here Is The 2019-20 Champions League Group Stage Draw

And we’re back! After a summer of international tournaments and preliminary rounds, the Champions League group stage is up next, following the completion of the draw earlier today in Monaco. As is tradition, now we can shift to figuring out who got boned by the draw, and who will have a cakewalk to the round of 16:

Group F looks the toughest, with Barcelona, Inter, Borussia Dortmund, and...

10 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Aug 19, 2019. 17 comments

Philippe Coutinho Never Made Sense At Barcelona, And Now He's Gone

Philippe Coutinho Never Made Sense At Barcelona, And Now He's Gone

Turns out, there was no happy ending , only a long, sad breakup.

Philippe Coutinho, Barcelona’s most expensive signing ever, has shipped off to Germany to play for Bayern Munich. There, Coutinho will attempt to right a listing career that saw him go from one of the hottest transfer targets in the world, to someone no club seemed to want. A precipitous fall from grace only 19 months after a...

17 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Jun 13, 2019. 10 comments

Real Madrid Are Spending Big To Strike Fear Once Again

Real Madrid Are Spending Big To Strike Fear Once Again

Three managers in one season; a distant third place in La Liga; an early come-from-ahead Champions League exit ; the continued ignominy of paying Gareth Bale’s massive wages . The 2018-19 season was not a good one for Real Madrid, who saw their streak of three straight (and four out of the last five) Champions League titles end in Dutch flames, while their forever rivals, Barcelona, won...

10 Comments

Billy Haisley Billy Haisley Jun 04, 2019. 14 comments

Nobody Has It Better Than Liverpool

Nobody Has It Better Than Liverpool

Along the vast spectrum of possible states a soccer club could exist in, there is a vanishingly small patch that, for my tastes, qualifies as ideal.

Most of the applicable criteria require a delicate balance. The club should be good, but not too good; big, but not too big; rich, but not too rich. Its prospects for success shouldn’t be so unlikely as to be functionally impossible, nor so...

14 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Jun 04, 2019. 15 comments

Defense Won Liverpool The Champions League

Defense Won Liverpool The Champions League

In the end, all it took for Jürgen Klopp and Liverpool to finally win a final was one more clean sheet. For all the focus on Liverpool’s vaunted front three of Mohamed Salah, Sadio Mané, and Roberto Firmino, for all the hype surrounding their attacking fullback duo of Andrew Robertson and Trent Alexander-Arnold, Liverpool’s true stars in Saturday’s Champions League final victory over...

15 Comments

Gabe Fernandez Gabe Fernandez Jun 02, 2019. 18 comments

Liverpool Deservedly Win A Rather Dull Champions League Final

Liverpool Deservedly Win A Rather Dull Champions League Final

In an otherwise uneventful match that was bookended by two Liverpool goals, Jürgen Klopp’s side defeated Tottenham 2-0 for the club’s sixth European title. Mohamed Salah got the Reds on the board early after a very Spursy gaffe gave Liverpool a penalty less than 30 seconds into the game.

Tottenham Couldn't Go 30 Seconds Without Punching Themselves In The Dick

Not even 30 seconds had passed...

18 Comments

Gabe Fernandez Gabe Fernandez Jun 02, 2019. 9 comments

Tottenham Couldn't Go 30 Seconds Without Punching Themselves In The Dick

Tottenham Couldn't Go 30 Seconds Without Punching Themselves In The Dick

Not even 30 seconds had passed before Tottenham decided to turn up their Spursiness and put themselves in a goal-sized hole against Liverpool in the Champions League final.

After getting the ball on the left side of the penalty box, Sadio Mané tried to sling a cross into the middle. Tottenham’s Moussa Sissoko then stuck his arm out while trying to tell his teammates where to go on defense....

9 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar May 21, 2019. 15 comments

Gareth Bale Deserved Better

Gareth Bale Deserved Better

As Real Madrid’s worst domestic season since the turn of the century came to a close under a chorus of boos from the Bernabéu faithful, Gareth Bale sulked. As was all too common during this miserable season, Bale was purely a spectator for Madrid’s 0-2 loss to Real Betis, watching from the bench but never making it onto the pitch in what everyone must hope is his final game in Spain, one last...

15 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar May 17, 2019. 20 comments

Manchester City Face Champions League Ban For Breaking UEFA's Dumb Rules

Manchester City Face Champions League Ban For Breaking UEFA's Dumb Rules

Things are moving quickly against Manchester City. After a report earlier this week that the back-to-back Premier League champions could face a ban from the Champions League, the New York Times reports that a ruling is imminent. All of this because Manchester City, the poster boys for the current financial doping era of world soccer, ran afoul of FIFA’s ineffectual financial regulations.

20 Comments

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