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Ray Ratto Ray Ratto Aug 16, 2019 at 02:15. 18 comments

The Nihilist's Guide To DeMarcus Cousins's Injury

The Nihilist's Guide To DeMarcus Cousins's Injury

If karma exists, DeMarcus Cousins did some ethereal being mighty wrong. If this is just bad luck, Cousins not only has his own but several other people’s as well.

Either way, the news that Cousins is injured, again, while preparing for his next career-resuscitation is an aggressively cruel development—and that’s even if you don’t want to speculate what a third serious leg injury means for his...

18 Comments

Patrick Redford Patrick Redford Aug 16, 2019 at 00:35. 18 comments

Dammit, DeMarcus Cousins Tore His ACL [Update]

Dammit, DeMarcus Cousins Tore His ACL [Update]

After suffering in obscurity on the worst team in pro sports for seven years, getting free from the mess in Sacramento only to tear his Achilles midway through a career season on a playoff-bound squad with another star, and seeing his chance at a ring go up in smoke thanks to a string of brutal injuries , DeMarcus Cousins has once again been the victim of some terrible luck.

Cousins was...

18 Comments

Lauren Theisen Lauren Theisen Aug 14, 2019 at 05:26. 3 comments

Magic Johnson Is Doing Lists

Magic Johnson Is Doing Lists

It has long been known that Magic Johnson quit his job with the Lakers so he could be free to tweet the most inoffensive takes imaginable without running afoul of the NBA’s tampering rules. But since retiring from his semi-retirement, he’s reached a brand-new level of old-guy social media usage—naming old movies and bragging about vacations. Granted, reading this Hall of Famer’s timeline is...

3 Comments

Gabe Fernandez Gabe Fernandez Aug 12, 2019 at 00:24. 18 comments

Brittney Griner Ejected After Chasing Wings' Kristine Anigwe Down The Court

Brittney Griner Ejected After Chasing Wings' Kristine Anigwe Down The Court
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Phoenix Mercury center Brittney Griner was one of six players ejected from her team’s game against the Dallas Wings on Saturday. The ejections occurred when after Griner took exception to getting punched in the head while going for a rebound and began to chase Dallas’ Kristine Anigwe—the puncher in question—down the...

18 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 09, 2019. 8 comments

Russell Westbrook Restructured His Contract To Give Tilman Fertitta Some Money

Russell Westbrook Restructured His Contract To Give Tilman Fertitta Some Money

This will be hailed as unselfishness and a team-friendly move, but it’s actually neither of those things: Russell Westbrook, in order to facilitate his trade to the Houston Rockets, agreed to restructure his supermax contract and shift the payment of some of his salary into the future.

The first thing to know about this move is it very likely will not help the Rockets put a more competitive...

8 Comments

Patrick Redford Patrick Redford Aug 08, 2019. 11 comments

Carmelo Anthony Can't Even Get A Gig On A Depleted Team USA

Carmelo Anthony Can't Even Get A Gig On A Depleted Team USA

All poor Carmelo Anthony wants to do is play basketball, for whoever will have him. He recently went on ESPN to talk about his abrupt exit from the Rockets and then the NBA, and though he did not quite seem to grapple with Houston’s on-court case for getting rid of him, it is still bizarre that he has gone from integral part of Oklahoma City’s playoff rotation to untouchable castoff in 16...

11 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 08, 2019.

Kevin Durant, In His Cheesiest Cheesebutt Voice: "Shit Happens"

Kevin Durant, In His Cheesiest Cheesebutt Voice: "Shit Happens"

Kevin Durant has a long, long way to go before he’s back on an NBA floor, and likely has far further to go before he’s anything like the player he was before he ruptured his Achilles tendon in Game 5 of the NBA Finals. The circumstances that led to the catastrophic injury were highly suspect, but whether because he believes it or because he needs to believe it, Durant now says the Warriors

Samer Kalaf Samer Kalaf Aug 07, 2019. 22 comments

Uh Oh: This Meaningless NBA Ranking Has Kobe Bryant Fans, The Biggest Losers In The World, Up In Arms

Uh Oh: This Meaningless NBA Ranking Has Kobe Bryant Fans, The Biggest Losers In The World, Up In Arms

In an effort to fill space in the period of the year when nothing’s going on in the world of basketball, NBA.com released its All-Decade teams for the 2010s era. Kobe Bryant was placed on the third All-Decade team, and this caused Kobe Bryant fans, possibly the most wretched group of people affiliated with anything related to pro basketball—excluding the Knicks—to get a little grumpy over...

22 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 06, 2019. 4 comments

Wizards Signed Injury-Ravaged Point Guard To Mentor John Wall Through Injury Rehabilitation

Wizards Signed Injury-Ravaged Point Guard To Mentor John Wall Through Injury Rehabilitation

NBA general managers will say a lot of things to hype up or defend or justify a personnel move. Every player who changes teams suddenly becomes a hard worker, a true professional, and a locker-room leader, if only during that initial flush of excitement. But this might be a new one: Wizards general manager Tommy Sheppard says he signed the diminutive and deeply diminished Isaiah Thomas in...

4 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Aug 03, 2019. 19 comments

Draymond Got Paid

Draymond Got Paid

How much is defense worth in the NBA ? According to the Golden State Warriors, the price of an elite defensive player is a cool $25 million a year. Per an Adrian Wojnarowski report, the Warriors have locked Draymond Green up with a max four-year extension, worth $100 million:

The deal will keep Green in the only uniform he’s known in his seven-year career, and out of what is a rapidly...

19 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 03, 2019. 18 comments

Carmelo Anthony Says He Doesn't Understand Why The Rockets Didn't Want Him Anymore

Carmelo Anthony Says He Doesn't Understand Why The Rockets Didn't Want Him Anymore

I can’t decide what’s weirder: the realization that Carmelo Anthony’s NBA career is likely all the way over, or remembering that Carmelo Anthony played in an NBA game as recently as this past season. He bombed out of the rotation in Houston after 10 games, was dumped in a trade with Chicago, and then was waived by the Bulls on February 1. He’s been out of work ever since, and it feels like a...

18 Comments

Ray Ratto Ray Ratto Aug 02, 2019. 18 comments

Let's Rebrand The Clippers

Let's Rebrand The Clippers

Steve Ballmer said he is open to renaming/rebranding his basketball team, which would be noble if the rest of the sentence read, “because the amoral pig who owned this before me turned the enterprise into a urinal and even shouting like a lunatic and bringing Jerry West and Kawhi Leonard on board doesn’t erase that.”

But we’re pretty sure the language in the sale papers prohibits him from...

18 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Aug 02, 2019. 20 comments

David Griffin And LeBron James Are No Longer Pals

David Griffin And LeBron James Are No Longer Pals

Pelicans general manager David Griffin is one of the toasts of the NBA these days. He will be remembered as the guy who reversed the fortunes of that franchise at the end of the Anthony Davis era, by drafting Zion Williamson and by flipping Davis for a package of useful players and valuable draft assets , hopefully setting the Pelicans up for a quick rebuild. The Pelicans went from lost,...

20 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Aug 02, 2019. 8 comments

At Least Three Paying Customers Have Been Kicked Out Of James Dolan's Recent Concerts

At Least Three Paying Customers Have Been Kicked Out Of James Dolan's Recent Concerts

Knicks owner and dedicated crooner James Dolan seemingly has an allergy toward playing his music in front of anyone who might be inclined to bring actual attention to it. Over the past month, at least three paying customers have been booted from three separate venues during Dolan’s shows. Two of those times, the ejections occurred before he had even taken the stage with the sweet sounds of...

8 Comments

Aug 02, 2019. 7 comments

Anyone Mad At LeBron James For Dadding Out Never Played AAU

Anyone Mad At LeBron James For Dadding Out Never Played AAU

At an AAU tournament when I was 16, just minutes before my third game of the day, I ate three slices of pizza and drank a sugar-free Red Bull. I nearly threw up twice during the game, but I got shots up and hit six threes. I think we won that game, but I don’t remember. I don’t remember anyone even looking at the scoreboard the whole game.

AAU is not a forum for competitive basketball. Games...

7 Comments

Giri Nathan Giri Nathan Jul 27, 2019. 2 comments

Mortals Foolishly Test Giannis Antetokounmpo's Grip Strength

Mortals Foolishly Test Giannis Antetokounmpo's Grip Strength
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Some YouTubers were recently invited to test Giannis Antetokounmpo’s grip strength, and they did not do well. This may come as a shock, but having hands that measure a full foot from tip of thumb to tip of pinkie are an asset when protecting the basketball. You can’t rip that thing.

Boy, if...

2 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Jul 27, 2019. 11 comments

The WNBA All-Star Game Will Include One Really Dumb Rule Change

The WNBA All-Star Game Will Include One Really Dumb Rule Change

This is apparently the summer of zany, experimental All-Star games. The WNBA will use its showcase Saturday afternoon to experiment with a couple rule tweaks, one of which is straight out of left field—or, well, straight out of hockey, the most dreaded sport of all.

Just as baseball’s independent Atlantic League used its All-Star Game last month to test out technology aimed at cleaning up the...

11 Comments

Lauren Theisen Lauren Theisen Jul 26, 2019. 13 comments

Lorenzen Wright's Ex-Wife Pleads Guilty To Facilitating His Murder

Lorenzen Wright's Ex-Wife Pleads Guilty To Facilitating His Murder

Nine years after the death of ex-NBA player Lorenzen Wright, one of his two accused killers has pleaded guilty to his murder. In Shelby County court in Tennessee on Thursday, Sherra Wright—Lorenzen’s ex-wife and mother of his children—agreed to a deal that would see her serve 30 years in prison for facilitation to first-degree murder. This comes after she and her co-defendant, a landscaper...

13 Comments

Luis Paez-Pumar Luis Paez-Pumar Jul 25, 2019. 8 comments

Enes Kanter Claims Turkish Embassy Bullied A Mosque Into Canceling His Basketball Camp

Enes Kanter Claims Turkish Embassy Bullied A Mosque Into Canceling His Basketball Camp

In a statement released Wednesday night, Boston Celtics big man Enes Kanter claims that his very public criticism of Turkish president Recep Tayyip Erdoğan and his regime has cost him one of his summer basketball camps. In the statement first shared by New York Daily News reporter Stefan Bondy, Kanter says the Islamic Center of Long Island canceled a free basketball camp slated to occur this...

8 Comments

Chris Thompson Chris Thompson Jul 25, 2019. 1 comments

Report: TNT Will Finally Get Rid Of Those Sloppy Players Only NBA Broadcasts

Report: TNT Will Finally Get Rid Of Those Sloppy Players Only NBA Broadcasts

Bad news for people who believe the events of an NBA basketball game are best accompanied by the inane, runaway chit-chat of Dennis Scott and Kevin McHale: TNT has apparently decided to axe its Players Only broadcasts and presumably will reintroduce competent play-by-play commentators to all future NBA broadcasts. Our long national nightmare may finally be over.

TNT debuted the Players Only...

1 Comments

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