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Jun 12, 2020. 19 comments

Actors and producers risk safety, defy shutdown to complete all-important Children Of The Corn reboot

Actors and producers risk safety, defy shutdown to complete all-important Children Of The Corn reboot

Sometimes true art requires sacrifice. Did Beethoven stop composing when an errant bassoon drove him deaf? Did Andy Warhol stop painting when he was down to his final can of soup? And did Michelangelo give up carving the David after the Shredder kidnapped April O’Neil? To all these, we say: Hell no. And thus, too, do we have this latest example of the creative muse driving people onward in...

19 Comments

Jun 12, 2020. 18 comments

The meme-makers have already worked their dark magic on the PS5

The meme-makers have already worked their dark magic on the PS5

Sony finally

showed off the PlayStation 5 today , introducing its bright and cheerful new child to an internet that promptly did what the internet does “best”: Ripped it to shreds with a glee that only occasionally bordered on the province of “good-natured.” To be fair, it’s kind of what you get when you release a brand new console design that looks like an internet router ripped out of the...

18 Comments

Jun 12, 2020. 11 comments

Trump tells fans they can't sue him if they get sick at his latest presidential pity party

Trump tells fans they can't sue him if they get sick at his latest presidential pity party

Although you (but not, pointedly, the public health officials whose actual job it is to monitor this stuff) could be forgiven for forgetting over the last few weeks, America is still suffering through its local part of a global pandemic—despite news that numerous cities across the country are easing up on their COVID lockdowns, on the grounds that, hey, it’s been a minute, right? But don’t...

11 Comments

Jun 12, 2020. 15 comments

Tom Hanks, those submarines he hates to debut on Apple TV+ on July 10

Tom Hanks, those submarines he hates to debut on Apple TV+ on July 10

In a different world, Tom Hanks latest film, the naval action thriller

Greyhound , would have been a perfectly serviceable mid-budget summer movie, the ideal opportunity for America’s dads to power down the lawnmowers, give the Civil War tomes a rest, and enjoy a couple air-conditioned hours of Tom Hanks looking very seriously at boats. Now, though, it’s become just another casualty of the...

15 Comments

Jun 12, 2020. 7 comments

Jeff Daniels to narrate his old buddy Jim Carrey's audiobook

Jeff Daniels to narrate his old buddy Jim Carrey's audiobook

Today, in dumb comma dumber news: Jim Carrey announced this afternoon that his new “semi-autobiographical” novel, Memoirs And Misinformation, has found its ideal audiobook narrator: Carrey’s old pal Jeff Daniels. Daniels apparently took the job at Carrey’s explicit request, with the actor-turned-author trusting his friend and former co-star to handle the gravity of a book that blends elements...

7 Comments

Jun 12, 2020. 15 comments

Sony reveals the extremely wavy PlayStation 5 and a bunch of games—including a new Spider-Man

Sony reveals the extremely wavy PlayStation 5 and a bunch of games—including a new Spider-Man

About a month ago , Microsoft showed off some of the new alien wall penises you can expect to see on the Xbox Series X (and also some more traditional video games without any wall penises), and today Sony decided to finally give the upcoming PlayStation 5 a proper showcase. The 80-minute online event had a ton of new games worth talking about, but it ended with an actual look at the console...

15 Comments

Jun 12, 2020. 5 comments

BTS announces first Japanese album in 2 years

BTS announces first Japanese album in 2 years

BTS just released Map Of The Soul: 7, its latest Korean album, back in February, but the enormously popular band with the enormously enthusiastic fan base is already preparing a special follow-up. Titled Map Of The Soul: 7 ~The Journey~, the album is being specifically released for the Japanese market and will be the group’s first Japanese album in two years. According to a press release, the...

5 Comments

Jun 12, 2020. 14 comments

The celebs are at it again, this time with a PSA in which they "take responsibility" for racism

The celebs are at it again, this time with a PSA in which they "take responsibility" for racism

It’s been nearly three months since

the world united to laugh at Gal Gadot and her famous friends’ tone-deaf rendition of John Lennon’s “Imagine” and the celebs would once again like your attention.

In a new PSA made in partnership with the NAACP, white celebrities such as Kristen Bell, Sarah Paulson, Kesha, Aaron Paul, Stanley Tucci, Bryce Dallas Howard, and Debra Messing claim they’re now...

14 Comments

Jun 12, 2020. 24 comments

Lady Antebellum changes band name over seemingly obvious slavery-era implications of the old one

Lady Antebellum changes band name over seemingly obvious slavery-era implications of the old one

Country music trio Lady Antebellum has decided to change its name to Lady A, having apparently just gotten around to looking up what the word “antebellum” means. For those who don’t know, it’s usually used to refer to the pre-war American South, as in pre-Civil War, as in when slavery was still legal. That means the band name always seemed worthy of some reconsideration, and now that...

24 Comments

Jun 12, 2020. 15 comments

It’s some kind of supercut of every time someone says “some kind of” on Star Trek

It’s some kind of supercut of every time someone says “some kind of” on Star Trek

Pretty much everyone has some kind of vocal tic, some sort of repeated phrase or word they use without necessarily even realizing it in their day-to-day conversations. Pointing it out in each other is generally considered an asshat thing to do, but that doesn’t change how damn annoying it can be for all of us. On that note, here’s some sort of supercut of all 214 times someone says “some sort...

15 Comments

Jun 12, 2020. 8 comments

The Dixie Chicks' Gaslighter is now coming out on July 17

The Dixie Chicks' Gaslighter is now coming out on July 17

Back at the end of April , we reported that the Dixie Chicks has quietly postponed the release of Gaslighter, the group’s first new album in 14 years and one that would’ve marked the launch of a new comeback effort. The Dixie Chicks didn’t offer an explanation for the delay at the time, leading us to recklessly speculate that it was part of a George W. Bush-backed conspiracy to punish Natalie...

8 Comments

Jun 11, 2020. 6 comments

Recording Academy announces 9 new Grammy rules, only some of which are confusing

Recording Academy announces 9 new Grammy rules, only some of which are confusing

Compared to every other major awards show, the rules for the Grammy Awards have always been a little complicated (and yes, we know it’s a big compliment to refer to the Grammys as a major awards show). Chalk it up to the way music consumption and production have changed over the years, but it’s always been unclear what separates an album from a record or why an artist on their second or third...

6 Comments

Jun 11, 2020. 2 comments

Read this: Is Sesame Street hiding Elmo’s true parentage?

Read this: Is Sesame Street hiding Elmo’s true parentage?

The world is growing suspicious of the subversives living on Sesame Street.

Not long after

Tucker Carlson railed against the leftist antifa agents now apparently occupying the muppet-infested neighborhood, the intrepid reporters at MEL Magazine published a rundown of the latest potential scandal: Is Sesame Street covering up the true identity of Elmo’s dad to hide an affair between Elmo’s...

2 Comments

Jun 11, 2020. 11 comments

Somebody went and ranked every Simpsons chalkboard gag

Somebody went and ranked every Simpsons chalkboard gag

In eras past, humanity bent its will toward the creation of towering monuments and intricately detailed art. Now, bored of big statues and cool pictures, we’ve turned our attention toward the no less important work of ranking every single chalkboard joke from The Simpsons’ 31 seasons.

Over at Screen Crush, writer Matt Singer has judged “over 350 different” instances of Bart writing out his...

11 Comments

Jun 11, 2020. 2 comments

Emma Watson, Bonnie Wright tweet support to trans community since J.K. Rowling won't

Emma Watson, Bonnie Wright tweet support to trans community since J.K. Rowling won't

Since Harry Potter creator J.K. Rowling continues to voluntarily air out her transphobia, some of the stars of the hit franchise have felt compelled to pick up the slack and speak up in support of the trans community. Earlier in the week—after Rowling’s first round of anti-trans comments, which is a sentence we are loath to write—Daniel Radcliffe issued a

thoughtful statement encouraging...

2 Comments

Jun 11, 2020. 15 comments

NYC Health discourages orgies, advocates for glory holes and "sexy 'Zoom parties'"

NYC Health discourages orgies, advocates for glory holes and "sexy 'Zoom parties'"

The coronavirus pandemic has made just about every aspect of life different than it was before, and this extends, as New York City Health details in an important PSA, to having sex. As posted in a tweet by Josh Barro, city officials have arrived (not at all prematurely) with a set of guidelines meant to encourage safer COVID-era boinking that’s goddamn tumescent with creative ideas.

“Safer...

15 Comments

Jun 11, 2020. 5 comments

The Flaming Lips bubble up band, audience for world's safest COVID-era concert

The Flaming Lips bubble up band, audience for world's safest COVID-era concert

Wayne Coyne loves his bubbles. Anybody who’s seen the Flaming Lips perform live in the last several years—or his new music video for the Kacey Musgraves-featuring “Flowers Of Neptune 6"—have seen the singer serenade from within an inflatable bubble. Now, what with the state of our poisoned world, Coyne’s gone and shrouded both his band and his audience in similar vessels.

In what’s got to be...

5 Comments

Jun 11, 2020. 12 comments

Will Ferrell and Rachel McAdams are wannabe Icelandic pop stars in Netflix's Eurovision Song Contest trailer

Will Ferrell and Rachel McAdams are wannabe Icelandic pop stars in Netflix's Eurovision Song Contest trailer

Wedding Crashers ’ David Dobkin is the filmmaker behind Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga, a new Netflix comedy starring Will Ferrell and Rachel McAdams as wannabe pop superstars in Iceland who luck their way onto the world’s biggest song competition. Today, following the release of a supremely goofy music video last month, Netflix has dropped an official trailer for the comedy....

12 Comments

Jun 11, 2020. 8 comments

Georgia's actual governor tells Stephen Colbert how Georgia's election disaster is the GOP's 2020 plan

Georgia's actual governor tells Stephen Colbert how Georgia's election disaster is the GOP's 2020 plan

Stacey Abrams infamously (and barely) lost the 2018 Georgia gubernatorial race after the Georgia GOP—led by eventual winner Brian Kemp—oversaw massive voter suppression, especially of minority communities. (That Kemp was the Secretary of State in charge of overseeing elections at the time only made things that much more egregiously villainous.) Author and activist Abrams hasn’t slowed down...

8 Comments

Jun 11, 2020. 17 comments

Merriam-Webster refines definition of "racism" to help shut the assholes up

Merriam-Webster refines definition of "racism" to help shut the assholes up

Fun fact: If you’re the kind of person who’s ever gotten into an argument on the internet, and your first, second, or third impulse was to look up the dictionary definition of a word being used in that conversation, then slap it into the thread as though you were making some sort of definitive point, you are—and we’re using a legal term here—an asshole. Doubly (if not quite a bit more) so if...

17 Comments

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