LOADING ...

Employee Using Up Sick Days Before Leaving Company

May 22, 2019. 0 comments

Suggested posts

ESPN Impressed By Mark Sanchez’s Ability To Point Out Football Field ESPN Impressed By Mark Sanchez’s Ability To Point Out Football Field

BRISTOL, CT—Noting that the former USC quarterback’s grasp of the game and its nuances was immediately obvious, ESPN executives were impressed Tuesday by Mark Sanchez’s ability to point out the football field. “The second we brought Mark in, we just knew he was the one. He could watch a play and locate the 50-yard line without hesitation,” said anchor...

‘That Place Is A Disaster,’ Says Bill De Blasio Watching Flooded NYC Subway On TV During Iowa Campaign Stop ‘That Place Is A Disaster,’ Says Bill De Blasio Watching Flooded NYC Subway On TV During Iowa Campaign Stop

PLEASANT HILL, IA—Shaking his head as he watched coverage of the city’s flooded subway system during a campaign stop, presidential candidate Bill de Blasio was overheard remarking Tuesday that New York appeared to be a complete and total disaster. “I can’t believe how miserable and hopeless that place looks,” de Blasio said as he visited the Pleasant Hill Diner...

Tom Hanks Recalls Arriving On ‘A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood’ Set At Dawn For Grueling 6-Hour Cardigan-Application Process Tom Hanks Recalls Arriving On ‘A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood’ Set At Dawn For Grueling 6-Hour Cardigan-Application Process

LOS ANGELES—Saying the process called for incredible patience, Tom Hanks, who stars as Fred Rogers in the forthcoming A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood, recalled Tuesday having to arrive on the set of the film before dawn each day for a grueling, six-hour cardigan application process. “I was always at the trailer by 5 a.m. so the cardigan artist...

Woman Spirals Into Vortex Of Self-Doubt After Trader Joe’s Cashier Does Not Compliment Any Of Her Selected Items Woman Spirals Into Vortex Of Self-Doubt After Trader Joe’s Cashier Does Not Compliment Any Of Her Selected Items

WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA—Questioning every decision that led her to the crucial moment, shopper Lisa Kolman spiraled into a churning vortex of crippling self-doubt Tuesday after the cashier at her local Trader Joe’s failed to compliment or even comment on any of the items she had purchased. “The woman at the register next to me is practically drowning in accolades...

Cop Hired For Posting Racist Rant On Social Media Cop Hired For Posting Racist Rant On Social Media

PHOENIX—In response to comments they described as “disgusting,” “cruel,” and “a perfect fit for our organization,” Phoenix law enforcement officials confirmed Tuesday local man Rod Cleighborn had been hired as a cop for posting a racist rant on social media. “Our newly hired officer made comments on Facebook that celebrate police brutality, degrade minorities, and disparage immigrants, indicating his...

Report: PlayStation 5 Has Already Been Out In Japan For, Like, 20 Years Report: PlayStation 5 Has Already Been Out In Japan For, Like, 20 Years

Can’t wait to get your hands on the PlayStation 5? Then prepare to get jealous, because the cutting-edge video game console has apparently already been out in Japan for 20 years! It turns out that the PS5 made its debut in Tokyo back in 1995, right around the time the original PlayStation made its way stateside. That’s right, all the...

Laptop Camera Wishes It Could Tell Woman How Good She Looks When She Doesn’t Know She’s Being Watched Laptop Camera Wishes It Could Tell Woman How Good She Looks When She Doesn’t Know She’s Being Watched

JUNEAU, AK—Observing that she seemed to possess a truly effortless beauty, the laptop camera of local woman Isabel Vasquez reportedly longed to let her know her Monday just how amazing she looks when she doesn’t realize she’s being watched. “Oh! If only there were some way to tell her she’s absolutely stunning as she sits there, on her own,...

Report: Average American Must Have Life Ruined By Natural Disaster Every 6 Minutes To Fear Climate Change Report: Average American Must Have Life Ruined By Natural Disaster Every 6 Minutes To Fear Climate Change

EUGENE, OR—Outlining what a shift in public consciousness regarding global ecocatastrophe might require, a study published by researchers at the University of Oregon Monday found the average American must have their life destroyed by a natural disaster every six minutes in order to finally fear climate change. “According to our data, American citizens must lose their home to a...

Deal Alert: There Is A Free Copy Of ‘Super Star Wars’ Our Mom Is Going To Throw Out After She Found It In The Basement Deal Alert: There Is A Free Copy Of ‘Super Star Wars’ Our Mom Is Going To Throw Out After She Found It In The Basement

If you’re a Star Wars devotee, you’re not going to want to miss out on this! Our mom just found an old copy of Super Star Wars while reorganizing the storage room in the basement, and for a limited time, it is completely free while it sits in the trash bag in the hallway. Who doesn’t love a freebie,...

Nation’s Dorky Little Nerds Announce They Have Nosebleed Nation’s Dorky Little Nerds Announce They Have Nosebleed

WASHINGTON—Tilting their heads back, breathing in thick gurgling gasps and flailing their arms about while stumbling for the nearest trash can, dorky little nerds across the country announced Monday that they, in fact, have a nosebleed. “Oh my, oh no. Please, someone? Get a tissue?” mewled millions of dweebish Americans simultaneously as they made pathetic moist sniffling sounds through...

Language