LOADING ...

The Melbourne Cup Is Decadent And Depraved

Billy Haisley Aug 19, 2017. 22 comments

You may have read Hunter S. Thompson’s famous article recounting the rampant debauchery at the Kentucky Derby and thought you’d glimpsed the true, beating heart of insane white people shit. But you’d have been mistaken. It’s not until you see these photos of the Melbourne Cup, Australia’s most drunken and depraved horse racing event, that you can really understand just how out of hand the whites can get.

The Melbourne Cup is similar to the United States’ Kentucky Derby, in that it is Australia’s most prestigious horse race. Also like the Kentucky Derby—both of which follow the proud British tradition of getting equal parts dolled and fucked up at horse races—it is a perfect event for young and old alike to don their finest of outfits and guzzle copious amounts of alcohol. The entire state of Victoria even gets the day off from work, since Melbourne Cup day has been decreed an official local holiday.

There is a lot of booze. There is a lot of littering. There is a lot of smiling. There is, for whatever reason, a whole lot of falling/lying on the ground. All of these factors combined create opportunities for some marvelous photography:

Update: As wild of a time as it may have been, at least they Aussies still had each other’s backs:

22 Comments

Other Billy Haisley's posts

Deadspin Up All Night: Where Is The Tissue Deadspin Up All Night: Where Is The Tissue

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Let’s go.

Dipshit NFL Reporter Exposes His Entire Ass With Blockheaded Tweets About Antonio Brown's Rape Case Dipshit NFL Reporter Exposes His Entire Ass With Blockheaded Tweets About Antonio Brown's Rape Case

Oftentimes, the worst examples of society’s despicable penchant for immediately blaming and/or discrediting women who report being victims of sexual assault are relegated to anonymous, obscure social media posters and website commenters. Other times, the dumbfucks embodying the trend are people with real names and prominent jobs. Which brings us to Omar Kelly, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel Dolphins beat...

Deadspin Up All Night: Name Got A Ring To It Deadspin Up All Night: Name Got A Ring To It

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Let’s go.

New York Jets Cut A Guy Four Months After Drafting Him In The Third Round New York Jets Cut A Guy Four Months After Drafting Him In The Third Round

You’d be hard pressed to find a better distillation of the bone-deep dysfunction, ineptitude, and LOLJetsiness of the New York Jets than this: On Saturday, the team cut promising pass rusher Jachai Polite just four months after drafting him in the third round.For smart teams, the third round of the NFL draft is usually where you look for players...

Suggested posts

Australians Fall Madly In Love With Brook Lopez, As Is Natural Australians Fall Madly In Love With Brook Lopez, As Is Natural

Nothing was especially exciting about Team USA’s win over Canada in Sydney Sunday night, but the exhibition game did offer one revelation: Milwaukee Bucks center Brook Lopez is deeply, inexplicably beloved in Australia.The center has suffered a gradual de-emphasis in the NBA, a casualty of the league’s offensive explosion. So it obviously follows that in the Southern Hemisphere, he...

Patty Mills Casually Tosses Team USA On The Barbie, Snaps Their 78-Game Winning Streak Patty Mills Casually Tosses Team USA On The Barbie, Snaps Their 78-Game Winning Streak

Prior to Team USA’s game against Australia on Friday, Kemba Walker told an Australian reporter that there was a lot of room for growth within the team, and that their previous performance was perhaps not as great as some players thought it was. The quote was the kind of thing a veteran player says to maintain a team’s motivation...

The Big President Is Now Wet The Big President Is Now Wet

Donald Trump goes by many names, but none is more apt than “the Big Wet President,” coined by our David Roth. The second adjective gets at a spiritual if not literal truth: the leader of the free world is always just kind of limply flopping around, even if he rarely glistens in actual coat of moisture. But today Washington,...

Here Are The Best Photos From The USWNT's Victory Celebration Here Are The Best Photos From The USWNT's Victory Celebration

Plenty of reactions to the USWNT’s spectacular defense of its World Cup focused on the future—this team’s ability to change the world, influence the next generations, and affect national conversations. While correct, those thoughts also miss a crucial component of the U.S.’s unprecedented fourth-ever run to World Cup glory: It was fun as hell to watch.The tournament started with a...

National Anthem Standoff Decided By Incoming Foul Ball National Anthem Standoff Decided By Incoming Foul Ball

It’s hot stove season up here, but thanks to the Coriolis Effect or something, in Australia the stove is ice-cold—it’s the baseball action that is hot.After the singing of the national anthem (“Advance Australia Fair”), the bullpens of the Brisbane Bandits and Melbourne Aces remained standing, their caps over their hearts. It kept going. It was a good old-fashioned...

Norway's Perfect Penalty Shootout Deflated Australia Into Submission Norway's Perfect Penalty Shootout Deflated Australia Into Submission

A horrendous miss from Australia’s Sam Kerr set the tone for the Matildas’ penalty shootout against Norway , sending the Scandinavian nation into the quarterfinals of the Women’s World Cup with a 4-1 win on penalties. From the start of regulation, Australia seemed a lot more composed than their Norwegian counterparts, consistently controlling the pace of play and throwing...

Australian FA Is Salty AF Over World Cup Loss Australian FA Is Salty AF Over World Cup Loss

Your browser does not support HTML5 video tag.Click here to view original GIFYesterday, we beat Australia 3-1 in each nation’s opening match at the Women’s World Cup. (Yes, “we.” Don’t look so modest! We couldn’t have done it without you.) But from reading today’s Football Federation Australia recap of the match, you wouldn’t know we gave them a Coriolis-clockwise swirlie.The...

Even VAR Couldn't Ruin The Best Game Of The Women's World Cup Even VAR Couldn't Ruin The Best Game Of The Women's World Cup

You know what I love during a wild, up-and-down Women’s World Cup game between two flawed contenders? Stopping that wild play for roughly 30 minutes to stare at boring instant replay footage! That’s what happened in Australia’s roaring comeback victory over Brazil today, which continued a tournament-long trend of VAR butting its big ass into everyone’s faces at inopportune...

Gorgeous Brazil Goal Starts With A Nutmeg And Just Keeps Getting Better Gorgeous Brazil Goal Starts With A Nutmeg And Just Keeps Getting Better

When Brazil full back Tamires stood there on the sideline seemingly with nowhere to go, and then insouciantly toe-poked the ball through Emily Gielnik’s legs and ran right past her, I thought to myself, Oooo that was sick, and if it ends with a goal.... And then Tamires hit a deep pass for Debinha to run onto, and when Debinha...

Italy Stun Australia With Stoppage-Time Winner Italy Stun Australia With Stoppage-Time Winner

The first Women’s World Cup match of the day, between Italy and Australia, was a spicy one. Australia took a 1-0 lead early in the first half thanks to a Sam Kerr penalty kick, but their aggressive, attacking style left them open to counter attacks from Italy all match. Italy could have had multiple goals from counters if not...

Language